Blind Faith
by Trivette Lover Heather
Summary: Something happens that causes a change in Gibbs. A change that no one expected. Not even him.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Beginning of a new epic. Not entirely sure where this is headed; but do I ever? Enjoy. _

_--_

_Blind Faith__: Absolute and unquestioning confidence in a person or thing…_

_--_

"He wouldn't, would he?" McGee finally broke the silence of the bull pen and didn't seem to regret it. He needed to say something.

Tony snapped his head towards him. "You didn't just ask that…"

Tim met his stare, but only for a few seconds before letting his gaze fall back on his desk. Ziva chimed in moments later. "Do not berate him Tony, it is a legitimate question."

"A legitimate question Ziva…is whether it's hot or cold outside. A legitimate question is whether Sean Connery is the best Bond ever. A legitimate question is _not_ whether the boss would kill a man in cold blood."

She listened to the tone in his voice and stood up in response. "You are angry Tony."

"Very perceptive, you must be a detective or something. No, wait. You're not a detective, you're an assassin. And to an assassin it might look like no big deal. But the boss isn't a trained killer with no feelings…"

"Are you implying that I have no feelings?"

"If the shoe fits!" Tony shot back then watched Ziva simply huff in response.

Tim couldn't help but listen to the exchange but couldn't muster the energy to break it up. He was as lethargic as he could ever remember.

Ziva took in a few breaths before responding back. "When someone we care about is killed; there is no telling what we are capable of."

"The boss wouldn't do this. We didn't even know beyond a reasonable doubt that this was the guy."

She stifled a laugh that was laced with sarcasm. "He did not just lose a fellow Agent; this is not like Kate. She was not one of us Tony; she did not welcome the risks as we do."

Tony slammed his fist onto his desk in an attempt to vent his frustration. The glares he suddenly started to receive didn't bother him a bit. "Don't you dare mention Kate; it's because of cold blood assassins like your brother that you're even sitting at that desk."

The tension continued to rise; and the usual peacemaker could only stare at a speck of dust on his desk. Tony took in a few breaths while their stare down continued.

"Who is the closest to you Tony? Your Father? You college frat buddies? McGee? Gibbs?"

He shook his head. "If you're trying to say that I'd murder someone in cold blood just for revenge, then you're wrong."

"If I recall, you told me plainly that you wanted Ari dead yes?"

Tony swallowed hard; not expecting to talk himself into a corner. "He was different; we knew he was the bastard who did it."

"You do not think Gibbs would kill until he found the right man?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't."

"Neither do I." Ducky entered with a solemn look covering his face. "However, we must consider the possibility…"

Tim finally looked up. "How can you say that?"

"Before he left me earlier; he had a look in his eye. One that I've never witnessed before. I'd venture to say that Jethro…has changed. He may no longer be the man you've grown to admire."

Tony's face was a deep red as his adrenaline rush was starting to calm down. "We need to find him…"

"He does not want to be found Anthony."

Ziva threw her arms out. "His career is over if we cannot clear his name."

"Oh, _now_ you don't think he did it?" Tony shot towards her then watched as Ducky stepped between each of them.

"The two of you are acting like children, and it will stop. Now. It has been a trying week for all of us. The last thing we need is our emotions getting the best of us and turning one against the other. We must focus."

"On what Ducky?" Tony questioned. "Even if we find the boss, who's to say he'll come along willingly? And I don't know about you but I'm not too keen on putting Gibbs in cuffs."

"Abby did." Tim spoke up gently; guarding his emotions with a quiet laugh. It was then his shoulders began to shake and tears formed in his eyes. Tony was the first to offer comfort.

"It's alright Probie…"

Tim shrugged off the hand on his shoulder and stood up. "Alright? No Tony, it's isn't _alright_. She's dead…and the boss would even kill_ me_ if I did it. He wouldn't think twice. I don't want to believe he would; but I'd be kidding myself and so are you. He killed Ari for Kate; he'll kill anyone who gets in the way of finding Abby's killer…innocent or not." He swallowed back the tears and stood up tall. "So maybe it's time to stop our blind faith and start facing reality…"

"That the boss is a killer?" Tony posed the question gently and stared in silence at his teammates.

Tim swallowed hard. "That he's no longer our boss…"


	2. Chapter 2

AN: A bit of framework with this Chapter. Thanks for reading & Enjoy!

--

Tony stared intently at the photo. "Kirk Jameson, 27 years old, ex marine enlisted. Three bullet wounds to the chest, center mass, suggests weapons training. The caliber matches the rounds used in our assigned sigs, but no weapon was found at the scene." Tony cleared his throat before starting again. "Jameson has ties to the extremist group, America the Beautiful, tied to at least 14 other murders in DC, Oregon and Colorado. He was our top suspect in the murders of Jacqui Pendleton, John Dane and…" He stopped himself short, suddenly finding it hard to name the third victim but also knowing he didn't have to. "Gibbs became aware of his location without informing us and went there without back up." He tossed the file down on Gibbs desk and stared in silence at the crime scene photos on the plasma.

Ziva broke the silence moments later. "There was no sign of forced entry, but one would expect nothing less from Gibbs."

Tony cringed at hearing Gibbs name used as a suspect; but also realized that in order to keep this case in house they had to consider everything. "No witnesses saw the boss or any one else exiting the apartment after the shooting…"

"Again, to be expected by a trained special agent." Ziva added; a bit of regret in her voice.

Tim spoke up next. "What if he's being set up?" He watched his team gesture that he continue. "It's not like he wouldn't be the perfect fall guy. And how did he even get the address? He had us looking for it. Unless…" He started to punch away at his keyboard and pulled up Gibbs cell phone records. "An unknown number called him at least twenty minutes before the shooting was reported…plenty of time to get there; find the body and leave before we got there."

"Just one thing Probie…why'd the boss run?"

"Maybe he didn't…or maybe he did. But it wasn't running from us; but after the guy who really shot Jameson."

"You're awfully inquisitive for a guy who just said we need to face reality."

McGee continued typing at his keyboard. "The reality is that Gibbs would go to hell and back to find her killer…and we're not the only ones who know that." A look of relief and shock fell across his face as he put the information up on the plasma. "Jameson called Gibbs…"

Tony replied quickly. "What he do? Invite him over for a night cap and a shooting?"

"All I know is the call came from his apartment." Tim looked a bit defeated just as Tony placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Things are looking up Probie; you got us a lead. Now let's put the pieces together…"

Ziva stepped towards the screen. "Three people are murdered at a coffee shop; only miles from a nearby Federal agency. No obvious connection between the three victims except they frequented that shop regularly…."

McGee smiled. "She loved that place."

Tony continued regrettably. "John Dane and Jacqui Pendleton were both married with no known acquaintances or relatives that can be linked back to Jameson's extremist buddies."

"A positive ID was made on Jameson leaving the coffee shop in a hurry after the shooting. But no weapon was visible. He was put at the top of our suspect list because of his well known extremist ties."

Tony snapped his fingers. "Fifty people were leaving that shop in a hurry. Probie pull up the footage."

"On it." And with a few key strokes the image was up on the plasma. Tim automatically fast forwarded to the mass exit and hoped Tony wouldn't ask him to go back any further.

"Need you to go back further Probie."

Tim's hands froze.

"Probie?" Tony took a step towards him cautiously. "Just back a little further man…we have to get ID's on the crowd." His tone was the gentlest he'd ever spoken; he only hoped it would help.

Slowly but surely Tim moved the cursor and began to rewind the footage to immediately after the gun fire.

Tony continued. "Call up Keating…have him help you compile a list of names to go with these faces. I want to know every person who went in an out of that coffee shop. I don't care about proximity…or if they've never had so much as a parking ticket…"

McGee picked up his phone and dialed regrettably.

"David…you and I will look over those witness statements."

She sighed. "We have looked over them a bazillion times Tony."

"Then we'll look over them a bazillion and one times…wouldn't be the first time Gibbs saw something we didn't."

She nodded. "Yes, and the last time he ended up on a pier not breathing…"

"And I ruined my favorite suit…now come on." He gestured for a few files and pulled his chair close to her left. It was silent for a few moments before she spoke up.

"About earlier…us yelling…"

He shrugged it off. "Statements Ziva."

She agreed reluctantly. Right now all that mattered was finding a lead. Everything else could wait.

"Keating is meeting me down in Abby's lab…" Tim stood up. "I'll call when we have something."

Tony resisted commenting on how obvious McGee was being and simply nodded his approval. As soon as Tim left; Ziva noted something on a statement.

"This young boy claims he saw more than one gun…none of the other statements coincide."

Tony glanced at it. "Kid's five Ziva."

"And?"

"Do you ever watch TV? There's never one guy with one gun…its ten guys with ten guns…he probably just imagined things. I did the same thing as a kid."

"This kid is not you Tony…it is worth following up on."

Tony rubbed at his temple. "Then follow up." He waved his hand towards the elevator and continued looking through the paperwork.

"You will not come with me?" She could tell he was a bit agitated just as his desk phone rang. It had only been two days since the shooting and everything seemed to fall apart with one phone call. It was as if every time a phone rang Tony would cringe. "Are you going to answer that?"

Tony paced over after a few moments of dazed silence. "DiNozzo…alright I'll be right down."

"McGee?"

Tony moved towards the elevator with worry covering his face and didn't answer. It was then Ziva placed a hand on his arm. "What is it Tony?"

He opened the door to the stair well. "That was Keating…the Probie froze."

The two started down the steps. "Froze?"

Tony didn't bother with any further explanation and simply let the picture of Tim standing still inside the elevator speak for itself. As they reached the bottom floor Tony looked at Keating for answers.

"We hit the floor to the lab and as soon as the doors opened he flipped the switch and froze…I tried talking him out but it was no use. That's when I called you…"

Tony didn't need to hear anymore and took a few steps towards his partner. "Probie…you alright?"

Tim's eyes seemed to be the only thing moving as he stepped towards him. Ziva placed herself outside the elevator doors as Tony moved inside.

"You don't have to go in McGee…you can work up in the squad room…Keating will finish down here…" Tony offered the best solution he could think of on the spot and couldn't help but wonder what Gibbs would do. Would he make him face his fear? Or let it go?

Tim shook his head slowly; the first movement he'd done in minutes. "I can do it…"

"You don't have to…" Tony said a second time then watched as Ziva stepped forward.

"You're right McGee…you _can_ do it…" She put her hand out. "Take my hand…I will go with you."

Tony expressed his disagreement with a firm shake of his head; but Ziva simply ignored him. She slowly reached out and watched as Tim took a hold of it. "Good McGee…the first step is the hardest, but it only gets easier…"

Tim gripped her hand for dear life and took a few steps into the hallway between Abby's lab and the lift. He turned his head to the right and left as if looking both ways; before fixing his eyes straight ahead. Where was the music? He didn't hear any music.

"Probie…" Tony spoke gently and broke his train of thought. "If you can't make it man…it's no big deal."

Tim glanced back at him before letting go of Ziva's hand. His eyes were clearly welled with tears and figured now wouldn't be the best time to break down. "He's right Ziva…we…we got work to do."

Keating was standing relatively silent in hope of some direction. And Tony was the first to offer it. "Get in there and start processing that footage. I want positive ID's on every face you can pull off of it…" He watched the younger agent nod and make his way into Abby's lab with ease.

Tim stared at Keating back before shaking his head. "Sorry..."

Tony placed a hand on his back. "It's alright Probie…it's all still a little raw. Baby steps…"

Ziva was mildly aggravated by Tony's babying; but chose to address it later. "Would you like to come with me to follow up on a statement McGee?"

Tim nodded and let Ziva motion him into the elevator with Tony close behind. The three arrived at the main floor and let Tony off. "You two check in when you're headed back…"

Ziva nodded. "We will call if we find something worth while."

The word 'call' sent a shiver down Tony's spine. He stood there until the doors closed; giving McGee a once over and glaring at Ziva to watch over him. Both futile; but he did it none the less. His mind immediately turned to Gibbs as he made his way into the empty bull pen.

"Where the hell are you boss?"

* * *

The ride to the boy's home was relatively silent. Ziva figured McGee would talk if he wanted to. She was being extra careful to mind the speed limit and didn't seem to be breaking any driving laws as far as Tim could tell.

"I'm fine Ziva."

She shrugged her shoulders as they came to a complete stop at a red light. "Did I say something to make you think you were not?"

"You're driving 5 miles under the speed limit and using your signals. I'm not a little kid who just got in an accident…"

She glanced towards him. "Would you rather I sped up?"

"Yes…well no. Well I don't know. It doesn't matter. Just drive normal."

She would've smirked if she thought it appropriate. "Normal it is." The light turned green and she accelerated the car a few miles over the speed limit. "Better?"

Only Tim didn't answer and seemed to be suddenly fixated by the passing trees. "You know…back there…when you took my hand. That was nice."

"Contrary to popular belief…and Tony…I can be nice McGee."

He almost smiled. "Abby was always nice." He stifled a laugh. "Except for when I ate that cup cake…I thought for sure I was in for it…" He hid the rest of his laughter and if Ziva hadn't been focused on the road she might've noticed the tear rolling down his face.

"She was not so nice when she slapped me yes?"

He wiped the tear away quickly and sniffled a bit; his gaze still fixed out the window. "Yeah…but that's only because _you_ weren't being nice…"

She agreed. "That was a hard time; for all of us." She went silent for a few moments. "We will have time to grieve soon McGee…do not worry."

Tim didn't respond; knowing full well that if he did; he wouldn't be _saying_ much at all. They pulled up beside the house not long after their conversation ended. And it wasn't long before their knock at the door was answered.

"NCIS…."

The woman interrupted them quickly. "You said you wouldn't be coming back…we really want to put this behind us."

Ziva put her badge down slowly. "Who would not be coming back?"

"NCIS...a gentleman was here earlier. Said he needed to speak with my boy. Now I'm sorry but we're moving on from all of this." She started to close the door when the strain in McGee's voice stopped her.

"Please…ma'am." Tim watched her start to ease the door back open. "Our friend was killed in that coffee shop. If your son saw something no one else did. We need to speak with him."

She shook her head slowly. "Why can't you ask Agent Gibbs?"

"Ma'am, please. We will only need to ask him a few questions." Ziva added to the pleading; hoping she would allow them entry into the home. It was then the young boy appeared at his mother's side.

"More cops mommy?"

She placed a hand at his chest to move him back. "Go to your room Danny…"

Tim had knelt down and met Danny eye to eye. "What happened at the coffee shop was scary huh?"

"Uh huh." He nodded his head up and down before holding his mothers hand.

"Can you tell us what you told the other cop that was here…" Ziva asked gently; looking down at him.

"Um, I just told him that I saw two guns…you know the one that fired and the other one…before mommy picked me up and ran away…"

Tim swallowed hard. "That's a good memory you got there…can you remember anything else you told him?"

"He was really sad…and I really wanted to make him not be sad…but I don't think I helped…"

Tim patted him gently on the head. "I'm sure you did kiddo."

"Alright…" She moved her son back inside. "I'm truly sorry about your friend. It was all very tragic to witness. She was the young woman wasn't she?" She watched them nod regrettably as Tim rose to his feet. "Danny, got a kick out of her dog collar…that was why he was so close when it happened…I wish there was more I could do to help."

"That Agent that was here before, did he give you any inclination of where he was headed when he left?"

She shook her head then quickly changed her mind. "He did say that Danny was a big help…but he didn't seem to tell him anything different than what we did at the scene."

Tim put out his hand for her take. "Thanks for your help."

She took it solemnly. "Again, I'm very sorry."

The two walked away feeling a bit defeated. "A waste of time yes?"

McGee shook his head. "Not necessarily. Danny told the boss something…maybe not more details but something. Gibbs wouldn't have come here and left with nothing. He doesn't waste time."

"Then what did he leave with McGee?"

"He left knowing the kid was telling the truth. There were two guns…now our job is to fill in the blanks."

She opened the car door abruptly. "Isn't it always?"

* * *

Ducky appeared in the bull pen to find Tony buried in paperwork. When the young man didn't look up he delivered a gentle head slap. Little did he know the false hope it would give him.

"Ah geez Ducky…for a second there I thought…"

"Gibbs was back?" The ME finished for him. "Unfortunately not Anthony."

"Yeah. The boss would've slapped me a hell of a lot harder." He closed a file. "What brings you up here?"

"There is only so much pining one can do in an autopsy room. It gets quite lonely after a while. I thought I could be of some assistance in the morale category."

Tony rubbed at his eyes. "Well, our morale officer won't be easy to replace. And neither will our commanding officer."

"Where are the others?"

"Off tracking a lead…some kid said he saw two guns…Ziva seems to think there's something there…"

With that, Ducky watched Tony jump a bit at the sound of his phone. "You alright Anthony?"

"Fine." He opened his phone and placed it at his ear. "What do we got David?" He paced away from Ducky and returned only minutes later.

"Any news?"

Tony shook his head. "Nothing."

Ducky was solemn as he watched Tony bury himself back into the files. "Well, no news is good news I suppose…"

* * *

"If this was a hit; then you just as well stay out of it Probie…or you're fixing to join her."

Gibbs rested the phone on his shoulder. "Are you gonna help me or not boss?"

"Ah hell, I wish you would've stayed retired."

Gibbs hadn't smiled in days and he wasn't going to start now. "After this; you may just get that wish…"

* * *

Tim and Ziva arrived in the bull pen just in time to see Tony hang up the phone. "Keating's got something…"

The three moved towards the elevator; but only two of them stepped inside…


	3. Chapter 3

Tony put his hand up. "It's okay Probie…you can stay up here."

Ziva interrupted. "You can come with us McGee…we will be there with you."

McGee stared at the two of them for a few seconds and though he tried to convince his feet to step forward they stepped back. "I'll wait here."

Tony sent him a reassuring glance just as the doors came to a close; leaving himself with a clearly agitated Ziva David.

"Why are you treating him like a child?"

Tony plugged his ears. "_Why_ are you yelling?"

"Because you do not seem to listen unless I do. He must face his fear Tony…the longer he does not, the harder it will be."

"Says you."

"Yes," she nodded. "Says me…we are after a killer. We need everyone at full capital."

"Capacity," he quickly corrected and let his voice level rise to counter hers. "And just who died and made you queen…oh wait…_Abby_ did…you do remember Abby right? Cute, tall, hugs the stuffing out of you…so stop being an Agent for two seconds and remember what the hell we're going thru here…the Probie will take the step when he's ready…not when you are. And it's my job to watch over this team while Gibbs is gone, not yours. Clear?"

Ziva swallowed just as the doors opened and gave a simple nod before Tony stormed off into the lab.

---

Tim stood at the elevator for a few seconds before eventually making his way into the still bull pen. He surveyed the empty desks before fixating on Gibbs'. Deep inside he knew Gibbs would find Abby's killer and get her the justice she deserved but part of him was jealous. Why should Gibbs be the one to taste sweet revenge, why not him? He ran a finger across the desk before sitting down in his own and folding his hands.

"God I miss you Abs…" his voice was lower than a whisper as the pain in his chest increased. He placed a hand over his heart as if it would bring magical healing and closed his eyes. Part of him was still in the denial stage…Abby wasn't gone, she wasn't killed and she'd be coming through the bull pen any second with her typical musings. But soon he feared he'd be accepting her death…and that he wasn't ready for. That meant she was never coming back; and _that_…hurt like hell.

--

"Talk to me Keating…." Tony appeared behind him and seemed do startle him a bit.

"Anyone ever tell you, you sound a lot like Agent Gibbs…"

"Just talk." Tony gestured towards the plasma.

"Right…" He pulled two photos up on the screen. "See any resemblance?"

"They look like brothers." Ziva added from behind Keating and watched him nod.

"Its because they are…both of them are persons of interest…."

"In an FBI investigation." Agent Fornell appeared at the entrance of the lab and let himself in.

Tony approached him within seconds. "Then would you mind telling me why they were at the coffee shop where our forensic scientist was killed?"

"Easy DiNutzo, no one uses that tone with me…_except_ Gibbs. Now there's little evidence to suggest they were involved…two of my guys were shadowing them when the shots went off."

Tony stepped towards Keating and brushed shoulders with Ziva. "Where were those two when the shots rang out…"

He pulled up the footage and zoomed in as well as he could. "There."

Tony tried hard to remove his eyes from Abby and focus in. Ziva was doing the same. "Damnit."

Ziva noted what he saw as well; the other two men did not. And before Tony could say Damnit another three times Fornell interrupted him.

"What is it you think you see DiNutzo?"

"Think?" Tony's decibel grew louder. "I think this was a mob hit…and your two Agents stood by and didn't do a damn thing."

Fornell put his hand up. "Slow down…if my men could've prevented that shooting; they would have."

"And blown their cover?" Ziva shook her head. "Just how important are these people of interest to the FBI?"

Fornell started to pace and it wasn't long before he was face to face with Tony. "You can't intimidate me with that stare…I'm not one of your AWOL sailors…"

Tony was ready with a retort when Keating interrupted. "They're the sons of Marian Randazzo…"

"The up and coming Mob boss in DC…" Fornell followed. "So do us all a favor and let us handle it."

Tony almost head slapped him. "Someone tried to kill those two guys but instead killed three innocent people…one of which was one of our people…what part of your stupid reasoning would make us let _you_ handle it?"

"I would." Vance took a step inside the lab and gestured for his Agent to back off. "This is now an FBI Investigation…"

--

Franks tossed the bag over his shoulder and headed towards the exit of the air port. He really hated large crowds and couldn't wait to be free of all these damn tourists. He caught a glimpse of Gibbs near the corridor and leaned against the railing. "Come here often?"

Gibbs slid his sun glasses down and simply motioned for Franks to follow and he did. They were in a rental car and down the high way within a few minutes. Mike couldn't help but notice the fine driving skills. "Guess being wanted in connection with a murder is what it takes to get you to obey traffic laws eh Probie?"

Gibbs only glanced at him; not up for talking much. "Where we headed?"

"To a meeting."

Mike leaned back. "Come to Jesus meeting?"

Gibbs eased off the gas. "Something like that."

--

"With all due respect sir…"

Leon put his hand up to stop his Agent. "One more word and you'll be back at sea before you can say USS Ronald Reagan."

Ziva stepped forward. "Director, you must let us assist."

"All that I _must _do is keep you from joining your boss. The last thing this Agency needs in another vigilante on its hands. So I am ordering you to stand down from this case and let the FBI handle it. I'm sure Agent Fornell will keep you as informed as he is able…"

"I'm sure." Tony spouted; his glare moving from the Director to Fornell.

Tobias took a few steps towards him and whispered something in his ear before turning to leave. The Director following close behind.

"What did he say?" Ziva questioned.

Tony glanced around the lab, before moving to the back and turning on some music. "There, that's better."

Ziva stepped in front of him. "What did he say Tony?"

"That he was sorry…" He moved past her. "Keating, print off those photos…"

"But the Director…"

Tony stared at him in silence; but it wasn't as effective as he wanted.

"Sorry sir; but I don't have enough of an investment in this. I'm sorry." He left and neither of them made an effort to stop him.

"He is right." Ziva stated simply and looked up to see Tony staring to his right; his eyes fixated on an object she couldn't see. She moved out from behind the computer to see it and moved towards him. "We must focus…"

Tony stepped past her and picked up the stuff animal. "I am focusing Ziva…" He stared at it fondly for a few seconds and almost smiled before setting it down. "It's weird…being in here without her. I don't blame the Probie for being afraid."

"It is certainly different."

"Yeah," he swallowed hard before moving towards the hallway. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"To disobey a direct order…what else?"

---


	4. Chapter 4

Inconsiderable Rage, unconscionable anger and complete despair was the picture of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. And Franks knew it. He'd seen the look in his eyes only once before and knew that nothing on heaven or earth would keep him from revenge. Whether or not the taste of it would help him heal didn't matter. All that mattered now was channeling the fury long enough to survive another day, hour, minute or second.

* * *

Tony slipped into the elevator with Ziva close behind. "You do know Vance will be watching us like an eagle."

"Hawk."

"Whatever," she threw her hands up in frustration. "They are both birds." She then watched him fixate on the numbers ascending and switched off the power. "We are not leaving this elevator until you tell me you have a plan."

"Promise?" He almost smiled but soon realized that even he couldn't mask the pain he was feeling. "Look…all I know is the boss wouldn't let the Feds take it over; so neither are we."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

Tony unconsciously scratched his head. "Barricading ourselves in the elevator until Vance gives in could work?"

"I am serious Tony."

Tony raised his voice substantially. "So am I!" He did a 180 turn in the enclosed space and stared intently at his counterpart. "I realize that I may not have the perfect plan but I also realize that no one is perfect…not even the boss." He stopped himself. "Okay maybe a little closer to perfect than most of us, but that doesn't mean he's invincible. First order of business is finding him before we lose him too."

Ziva almost stepped back at his decibel but had been getting more and more used to his outbursts as of late. "I understand your loyalty, but I cannot help but think that Gibbs is a lost cause. He was willing to put his life on the line to catch Kate's killer…and no human being could stop him. He will stop at nothing for Abby…nothing. Not even if it means putting one of us in danger. Perhaps our main focus should be on finding Abby's killer before he makes that sacrifice."

For the first time in days; Tony had listened to every word she'd said. "We help the boss, by not helping the boss?" He watched her nod and gave a shrug of his shoulders. "You do realize he'll kiss us either way?"

"Better that then knowing we did nothing to stop him….and regretting it for the rest of our lives."

Tony agreed. "I'm tired of regret."

Ziva flipped the switch up and faced the doors. "Aren't we all."

* * *

Tim had managed to close his eyes for a few seconds and couldn't help but feel the tears break free as his lids crept open. _Come on Tim, pull yourself together. _His mind was racing in ten different directions. He hadn't been down to see her body; he hadn't stepped foot in her lab…what was next? Not coming into to work period? Or worse yet…not wanting to go home in fear of the memories that would flood his mind. _Gosh I hate this. Wish you'd just come back Abs. _

* * *

"Probie?" Franks had managed to say that name five times before slapping him on the shoulder. "Snap out of it."

Gibbs blinked a few times and only stared to his left long enough to relay what he wanted. He didn't want to talk. He didn't need to talk. What's done is done.

"I don't give a damn whether you speak or not. I'm not used to hearing much from you anyhow, so you can just listen." He cleared his throat. "You called me out here to help…and I wouldn't have come if I didn't think you needed it. But if this is some kind of suicide mission then you better clue me in. Cuz I sure as hell didn't make the trip just to watch you kill yourself Probie…"

Gibbs demeanor didn't change a bit; he continued his stare and focused solely on reaching their destination. That was until Mike removed Gibbs gun from his holster and took aim…

"You want to kill yourself Jethro…then get it over with. Just don't expect me to stand by and watch it…"

Gibbs resisted pulling the car to a halt in the middle of the street and cautiously parked in a nearby plaza. He turned his gaze towards Mike's eyes and swallowed hard. "Point made boss."

"Oh is that right?" His finger remained on the trigger. "Because if I recall, the last time you got news like this you ran off half cocked through a war zone and ended up half dead. The next time you let an assassin get you in his sights…" He swallowed hard. "And the last time…the last time, in Sheppard's home…if I hadn't shown up who's to say you would've gone for that gun…"

Gibbs cringed. "What do you want me to say boss?"

"I want you to say that this isn't the same as those times. That you've lived and learned damnit…"

He shook his head. "I can't say that."

"Why not?"

Gibbs slammed his hands on the wheel. "Because its hurts like hell Mike. And this is all I know how to do…I catch the bastard."

"And kill yourself in the process?"

"If that's what it comes to…"

Mike cut him off. "Well I'm afraid you might be out of almosts Probie…I can feel it in my gut. You may not make it out of this one."

Gibbs reached out for his gun and took it from Franks. "Then that's how it should be." He slipped it back into his holster but not before staring at it for a few seconds. He shifted the car back into drive and focused back on their destination. If he was gonna die; he was sure as hell taking one man in particular along with him.

* * *

Donald Mallard had become too accustomed to burying colleagues through the years. And though each time it seemed to get easier; nothing on earth could've prepared him for this. Innocent people often donned his tables; and decades ago even mangled bodies of innocent children. And it seemed that no matter how much time passed the despair was just as raw. There is some ease that comes with seeing a body of a criminal or even a soldier; two people whose choices played a part in their demise. But not his Abigail. To him she was the epitome of innocence; with a heart that loved liked a child and a mind that could conquer the most difficult questions with such simple answers. The one person who had managed to aliven the heart of one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. A miracle of sorts.

So as he let his hand rest on the frame in his hand, he shed a silent tear. Because this time he had no words to comfort himself; no story to distract himself; and no scotch to dull the pain. He had cried for Caitlin; he had cried for Jenny and now it was only fitting that he'd cry for her. His Abigail.

* * *

McGee was broken out of his thoughts when his teammates reentered the bull pen. Ziva particularly noticing the puffiness around Tim's eyes.

"We found a lead." She tried to distract from his obvious despair and it seemed to work. At least for the moment.

Tim stood up and opened his desk drawer instinctively. "Then what are we waiting for?"

But just as Tony opened his mouth to speak, McGee noticed Fornell leaving the Directors office. He started towards the stairs when Tony stepped in front of him. "McGee…"

Tim shook his head. "He's involved. The FBI, they're involved. We should be up there. We should be in on this."

"Vance handed the investigation over to them."

"What?" He took in a breath. "Why? This is Abby, we can't let them do this. Tony, we can't let them do this." He tried to move past him a second time when Ziva placed a hand on his arm.

"McGee, we are going to handle this in our own way."

He turned towards her; his face momentarily relieved. "_We're_ gonna get the guy?"

Tony glanced up at the railing and noticed the Hawk himself keeping a watchful eye. "If it's the last thing we do Probie…" He brought his focus fully on McGee. "And it's looking like it just might be."

Tim noticed his gaze but didn't follow it. "Alright."

Ziva soon realized Leon's glares and pulled the two men in close, wrapping an arm around each of them; only half pretending to console. This lasted until Vance was no longer watching. "Coast is clear."

"And here I thought you just wanted a hug." Tony eased away and watched as she stepped aside slowly. "But they'll be time for hugs later; right now we got a couple sons of a mob boss to catch."

Tim sat at his computer; his finger hovering over the key board in anticipation. "What do you need?"

It was then unexpected voice appeared behind them. "A miracle."


	5. Chapter 5

"Colonel Ryan?" Tony spoke in an almost whisper; not quite sure if he could believe it himself. He then adjusted his stature and let his expression speak for itself.

"In the flesh, only I'm not a Colonel to you son."

His tone caused Tony to nod in agreement immediately. Ziva on the other hand wasn't as excepting of his presence.

"May I ask who _you_ are?

Ryan sent her a quizzical gaze before noting the swollen eye lids of the younger man sitting at the computer. "A friend of the gunny. I'm here to help with that miracle…"

McGee's fingers remained on the keyboard. "We can use the help sir."

Ziva stepped forward. "Excuse me; but what makes you think you can help anymore than we can?"

He almost smiled. "I got Intel on who you're looking for."

Tim sat up straight. "We'll take it sir. Just give me a name."

Ziva opened her mouth in protest when Tony pulled her aside and spoke in a whisper. "He's Gibbs' old CO. We can trust him."

"We can trust no one."

Tony glared at her before focusing back on the task at hand. "Colonel…uh…Ryan, just what Intel do you have?"

"Peter Vintorino, he's the man you're after."

McGee couldn't remember the last time he typed so fast. "Vintorino, suspected in connection with at least four homicides in the DC area over the past year. Well known gun supplier for Joseph Ramiro."

Tony's eyes widened. "Randazzos competition."

"The two brothers in the video…they were Randazzo's sons yes? And Ramiro wanted them killed." Ziva stepped behind McGee and scanned the information. "If Gibbs knows about Vintorino; he will go after him next."

"Last known where abouts Probie." Tony was at his desk retrieving his side arm before moving out of the bull pen. "Ryan you're with us."

"Got 'em." McGee slipped on his weapon and followed after them quickly.

All without knowing a certain Hawk had been watching their movements.

* * *

Gibbs pulled up to the destination and looked to his right. "You can stay in the car boss…"

"If I wanted to stay in the car I would've stayed in Mexico…" Franks stepped out and couldn't help but notice the welcoming party.

"What's your business here?"

Gibbs wasn't shaken by the size of the man; nor the nice Italian suit he was donning. "I'd like to speak to your boss."

He stifled a laugh. "You think it's that easy?"

Gibbs took a step closer to him and whispered something in his ear. It wasn't long after that the three men escorted both he and Franks inside.

"What'd you tell 'em Probie?"

Gibbs gave a shrug of his shoulders without a response. They were ushered into a large study with none other than Marian Randazzo sitting at his desk. "How can I be of service to Mr. NCIS?"

Gibbs eyes shifted. "I don't recall giving my name."

"What kind of business man would I be if I didn't know all there is to know about one of my towns heroes…"

"I'm no hero."

Marian stood up. "Ah so humble…" He reached for his drink and paced around his desk. "Now back to my original question, how can I be of service?"

"How about choking on that drink of yours?" Franks was waiting for the opportunity to make his presence known and it didn't take long.

A few of the men made a move towards him when Marian waved them off. "And you are?"

"Pissed off and tired."

He smiled slowly. "Yes, well. I've heard old age can be a…"

Gibbs interrupted. "We're not here to talk about him."

"Then why are you here?"

Gibbs didn't make a move for his weapon; no matter how bad he wanted to. "Abby Scuito."

Marian sipped more of his drink. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Then maybe we should ring yours." Franks offered; his hand hovering closer to his side arm.

"Now, now. No need to get violent." He stepped around his desk and stood across from both men. "What is it I'm supposed to have done to this Abby?"

Gibbs swallowed hard, as he so often did at the sound of her name. "Your sons were set up in a hit by Ramiro…three days ago. Coffee shop."

"How in the hell do you know that?"

Gibbs would've smiled if he could. "I'm Mr. NCIS."

"What does that have to do with the chick?"

Gibbs almost reached for his gun. "That_ chick_, was a young girl who did nothing to you. She was killed because you bastards can't take care of your business in private…now, the only reason you're still breathing is because I need you."

"Need me?"

"You as deaf as you are stupid?" Franks added, making very clear he wasn't afraid of retaliation.

Gibbs continued. "I have the man who pulled the trigger…Vintorino."

Marian took another step forward. "How much do you want?"

"I don't want money. I want you to set up Ramiro for me. Once you do that, you can have Vintorino's head on platter."

He eyed Gibbs curiously. "I thought cops were supposed to stop murder, not encourage it?"

Gibbs met his eyes. "Not this time."

Marian reached for a pen and paper before scribbling down a few lines. "Meet me here tomorrow at noon…with Vintorino. I'll be sure Ramiro is there."

"You expect us to take the word of a mobster?" Franks questioned.

"Seems you don't have a choice."

Gibbs slipped the paper in his pocket before moving close enough for a whisper. "Double cross me. You die. Clear?"

Marian simply nodded as he watched the two men turn towards the door. "Agent Gibbs, just one thing. Who was she to you?"

Gibbs turned back. "_Everything_."

* * *

"Keating." Vance greeted the younger Agent and watched as the other analysts stood at attention. "I want you to locate Gibbs team…triangulate their GPS chips."

"But sir…"

"Now!"

Keating started to type before he even took in a breath. "On it." And it wasn't long before their location was on the screen and printed off. "All three of them are there sir."

"Good work." He took the print out and moved towards the elevator; his hand opening his phone within seconds. "Agent Fornell…you busy?"

* * *

The team arrived at Vintorino's to find it in a shambles. There was definite sign of forced entry and each of them knew only one person capable of such destruction.

"Clear."

"Clear."

"Clear." Tony finished the repetition and slipped his side arm back into his holster. "Remind me to leave him the number of my cleaning lady…"

Ryan stepped forward. "Something tells me he wont be coming back to take you up on that."

Tim let out a loud sigh. "The boss has him."

Ziva agreed. "He will use him to bait Ramiro. It is only a matter of time before we hear about it on the ten o'clock news."

Tony continued to pace around the home looking for a lead. "I hate the news."

Ryan followed suit and couldn't help but notice Ziva staring at him. "Something you want to say to me?"

Ziva nodded. "I would like to know why Gibbs came to you?"

"Fair enough." He stopped pacing. "He came to see me two days ago...said he needed help. I called in a favor or two and got him a name."

"And why the sudden change of heart?"

"I realized that he was gonna ruin his life…and no matter how bad he wanted to, I couldn't let him." He wiped a hand over his face. "He didn't let me ruin mine."

Tony interrupted. "We're on the same side David. Now forget about intentions and try to find us a lead…before the boss does ruin his life."

"Maybe he wants to." Tim spoke in an almost whisper; almost hoping the others hadn't heard him.

"What was that Probie?" Tony asked before Ziva had the chance. Only Tim couldn't reply.

"Fancy meeting you here." Fornell made an entrance that only he could before a few other Agents piled in behind him. "Should I even ask what you're doing here?"

Tony put his arms out. "We moonlight as maids…government pay just isn't what it used to be."

"Normally I'd laugh DiNutzo but I don't have the time or the patience."

It was then Vance made his appearance. "Neither do I."

Tony stepped forward. "What a coincidence? Neither do I."

"What part of stay out of this didn't you understand?"

He shrugged. "The stay out part."

"Well maybe you'll get the 'out' part this time…only this time it will be without your badges. Consider yourselves suspended."

And surprisingly enough Tim was the first to offer his. "Keep it."

Tony took his out next. "You're making a mistake…but something tell me it won't be your last."

Ziva followed; her stare not relenting for a moment. "If you honestly expected us to stay out of it…then you will never be half the director Jenny was."

Ryan followed behind them when Vance placed a hand on his arm. "I suggest you move your hand…unless you'd like me to move it for you."

Leon slowly removed it and backed away before turning to Fornell.

"Find Vintorino."

Tobias stopped him. "Last time I checked those badges in your hands were NCIS, not FBI. This is the last order I'm taking from you."

Suddenly Leon wasn't in the mood to argue and slipped the three badges into his pockets. "Just do what you do. I want Gibbs out of this alive."

"If you want that, then I'd give those badges back."

* * *

Franks finally decided to break the silence. "So where do you have Vintorino stashed?"

"Safe place."

"Well, that's a relief." He looked out the window and waited a few minutes before breaking the silence once more. "You alright?"

Gibbs didn't answer.

"Hell Probie…aint nothing to be ashamed of. You loved her…you keep all this bottled up you're liable to get _me _killed."

Gibbs pulled the car over abruptly. "No one made you come boss."

"No…but no one made you ask either. Now you better clue me in on every detail or I'm on the first flight back to Mexico."

Gibbs knew he was bluffing but obliged him none the less. "What do you want to hear me say? That I miss her. There. I said it."

Frank remained silent, sensing Gibbs had more to say. He was right.

"I got this sick feeling in my gut…and its all just too damn familiar. This is gonna be the last time I feel this type of pain…the_ last_ time."

Franks met his eyes. "You serious?"

Gibbs nodded before pulling back onto the road. "_Dead_ serious…"

--

AN: Colonel Ryan appeared in Season 1 Episode, Enigma.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Shorter update here. But more to come soon.

----

Where to now? Back to NCIS to clean out their desks? Home? Drive around the streets of DC aimlessly? Tim could barely focus his eyes out the window; the scenery suddenly blurred by the tears in his eyes. Ziva had managed to place a gentle hand over his and didn't see any reason to remove it the entire ride…to wherever it was they were going. Tony was focused on their next destination and knew the lead was on his shoulders. Although having an ex-marine Colonel in the passenger seat did add a bit more pressure.

"Where are you boss?" Tony was whispering to himself, but wasn't surprised that Ryan had heard him.

"You won't find him."

Tony glanced to his right. "And how do you know that?"

"If the gunny doesn't want to be found. He won't be found. He was one of the best I'd ever seen at disappearing when he had to."

"Well you can get off this roller coaster ride whenever you'd like Colonel. But one thing Gibbs taught us was to never give up…so I don't care if he's Rambo in the middle of the woods…we're going after him."

"Rambo was in the army."

Tony almost smiled. "Yeah…"

"Listen I'm not presuming you kids can't pull this off. I'm just making sure you know what you're up against."

"We know Gibbs."

Ryan glanced behind him momentarily. "And I know the Gunny. You haven't seen him in the middle of a war…"

Tony shook his head, his eyes meeting Ziva's through the rear view mirror. "The hell we haven't."

* * *

"Some safe place." Franks looked around at his surroundings but knew better than to complain, particularly about the casket in the middle of the living room. "You sure no one will think you're here Probie?"

"I usually run away from memories boss, not towards them. No one will look for me here."

"Vintorino?"

"Another safe place." He sifted through a few of the cupboards before pulling out a bottle of whiskey.

"He wouldn't happen to be _safe_ six feet under would he?"

Gibbs ignored the comment and lifted up the bottle as if asking Mike if he wanted any. He watched him nod before pouring both of them a glass and taking it to him. They sat in silence for almost ten minutes when Franks broke his gaze from the casket in the middle of the room to get them another glass.

"Did you come here much?"

Gibbs came out his trance and shook his head.

Franks continued. "Wish you had?" But yet again he was met with silence and almost decided on giving up on getting him talk all together. Until…

"Driven her home a few times. Walked her to her door." He took down more of his drink. "Nine years…and I came here three times. Three times." He finished the glass and paced over to the kitchen to get the bottle and bring it back.

"To regrets." Mike lifted up his glass, just after Gibbs had topped it off. Gibbs hesitated but soon lifted his as well. "You know Probie…after this is over you could come back with me. You never did finish my roof."

Gibbs ignored the comment and stared back at the casket. "I built her that."

Mike only listened on.

"We'd known each other one week…as soon as she found out I built a boat, she begged me for days to make it. Had sketches for me…the whole bit. The day I finished it…that was the first day she…the first day she…"

Mike watched as Gibbs suddenly stood up and threw his glass at it's wooden frame. He looked on to see his hands start to shake and stood up along side him. "Probie…"

Gibbs just as well of shoved him away. "The first day she hugged me…" It was then he laughed for the first time in days; shocking even himself. He'd been convinced he'd never smile again…but some how the sudden sob that escaped his throat made it easier for him to bear. "Ah God boss, I miss her…I miss her so much…"

Mike placed a hand on his shoulder cautiously before pulling him into a soft embrace. Letting him cry for as long as he needed and wondering if he was getting a glimpse of what he'd been like after his family. "You're gonna be alright Jethro…"

Gibbs eased away slowly. "No I'm not."

* * *

Tony pulled the car over and took in his team. "We have to think like the boss? Where would he be?"

Ziva took her eyes off Tim for a moment. "Hiding."

Tony resisted rolling his eyes and turned back around, his hands hitting the steering wheel forcefully; which somehow managed to bring Tim out of his daze.

"Randazzo." Tim blinked the remaining tears out of his eyes; drying them out a bit. "We follow Randazzo."

"Easier said than done Probie."

Ryan spoke up next. "Maybe not."

* * *

Donald Mallard had been left behind once again. An empty bull pen. An empty autopsy room. An empty lab. He had started to pack up her personal belongings to pass the time; and filled up two brown boxes before carrying them towards the elevator. He knew each trip down there would get harder, but he knew what needed to be done. And right now; he was doing just that. He began to pet the stuffed hippo and managed a small smile. "Do not worry dear fellow, we will find you a good home…"

* * *

Franks sat up and watched Gibbs stare into nothingness until he passed out or fell asleep. Whichever it was didn't matter. All that mattered was that Gibbs pain was momentarily relieved. Mike wandered around her apartment and took note of the many picture frames that covered her shelves. One in particular of her as Marilyn Monroe, he picked it up and smiled. "Not bad for a blond." He set it back down and hovered for a few more minutes before dozing off himself; that was until the front door began to open…


	7. Chapter 7

Franks stood up slowly so not to disturb Gibbs, but knew better than to think the Gunny would sleep through anything. Drunk or sober. Gibbs shot up onto his feet and blinked a few times before recognizing the person standing in front of him.

"Duck?"

He set down the box to his right. "Jethro?"

* * *

Tony didn't want to question the Colonel but the man _was_ a paranoid schizophrenic the last time he saw him. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, you don't follow Randazzo…you follow the FBI."

"Fornell will have his Agents keeping an eye out." Ziva added, still a bit agitated by his presence.

"They won't be keeping an eye out for me." Ryan stated. "I led a number of covert operations during my time in the Corp. Hell I can make myself damn near invisible…"

Tony agreed. "Alright sir, all we need now is a favor."

Ziva scoffed loudly from the back seat. "I have _also_ done a number of covert operations."

"From what I understand they involved assassinating more so than following." Ryan shot back. "Surprised you and the Gunny aren't an item."

Ziva leaned forward. "I feel I should go with Colonel Ryan. To uh, assist." Her teeth were obviously clenched and although she wanted nothing more than to go on her own, she figured this was the next best thing.

The occupant's eye's rested on Tony. He rubbed his hands on the wheel for a few seconds before making a decision. "Alright. David and the Colonel are on surveillance…next step is figuring out where."

Tim cleared his throat and spoke up from the back seat. "Fornell."

Tony nodded. "Time to pay my buddy Toby a visit…"

* * *

Ducky closed the door before taking note of the shattered glass near the casket and the empty bottle on the coffee table. "Rough night I see."

"Something like that." Gibbs responded, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Perhaps a rough few days would be a better assertion."

Franks stepped forward. "I don't suppose you'll leave here and forget you saw us?"

Ducky ignored that statement and moved towards his friend. "We have been quite worried…the team has been searching desperately for you."

"Tell 'em to stay out of it."

Ducky almost smiled. "Easier said than done I'm afraid. Perhaps you'd like to tell them that yourself?"

Gibbs came inches from his face. "Tell them to stay…out of it."

Ducky stepped aside as Gibbs moved past him towards the kitchen. "The only reason you would want them out of it was if you believe their lives would be in danger. Now how would finding you cause that?"

"The only way to keep them alive is to keep them the _hell_ away from me." He pointed at his chest rather harshly before meeting Ducky face to face. "Everyone around me dies Duck…and that will come to an end soon."

Ducky examined him closely. "You are not cursed Jethro."

"Tell that to Kate…and Jen. Hell, tell that to Abby…" He ran a hand through his hair before moving in no direction in particular.

"So you believe killing yourself is the only way to save them? Jethro that is absurd. They need you. They are hurting."

"They're not the only ones Duck."

The next few moments of silence spoke volumes between the friends before Gibbs gestured towards the door. "I am not leaving Jethro."

"Damnit Duck, what do you want me to say?" His decibel got substantially louder with each word. "I'm gonna kill the bastard who did this…"

"And if he kills you first?"

Gibbs shook his head. "He won't."

"And what if he does?" Ducky's voice was now the one getting louder. "Where will that leave Timothy? He can barely focus longer than ten minutes without crying. And Anthony? He practically has a stroke every time a phone rings in fear of bad news. And Ziva? Well Ziva is so stone faced that she is almost certain to crumble at any moment. The entire team is falling apart…and I'm afraid losing you will be their final undoing."

"Not my problem."

"Quite the contrary my friend. It is most certainly_ your_ problem. Those young people have followed you with unwavering faith and loyalty for long enough. They have risked everything to help you. Do not presume to make this anything else but _your _problem."

"I don't have to listen to this Duck."

"I'm afraid you do. They are counting on you Jethro."

Gibbs reached for a lone picture frame and held it close to his face. "Like she counted on me?"

Ducky took the frame and moved a finger across her face; tears instantly appearing in his eyes. "You are not the only person who cared for her…"

Gibbs opened his mouth to respond but refrained. He glanced around the apartment and fixated on the stuffed animal in the newly arrived box. "You should go Duck."

The ME followed his friends gaze. "How can you be certain I will not give away your location?"

Gibbs met his eyes. "Because you want him dead too."

Ducky shifted his weight before swallowing hard. "Then I suppose there is only one thing left to do."

"What's that?"

He put his hand out for him to take. "Say Goodbye."

Gibbs took his hand and pulled the Doctor into a familiar embrace. "Take care of them for me Duck."

He eased away and took in his friend's expression. "I shall." The two remained with their hands clasped for a full minute before they released. "It has been an honor to be your friend…"

"The honor was mine." He watched him move towards the door and called back. "Slap DiNozzo in the head every once in a while…helps keep him in line."

Ducky's voice was barely audible now. "I'm afraid after all this; he will need more than that." He kept eye contact with Gibbs for as long as possible; as if savoring their final moment together. "Goodbye Jethro."

* * *

Tony chose to meet Fornell alone; despite his team's resistance. And the coffee shop where he picked to meet him was all too familiar.

"Trying to appeal to my sense of humanity DiNutzo?"

Tony shook his head. "I know better than to appeal to something non-existent Toby. I was hoping for more of your sense of duty."

"I don't know where Gibbs is."

"Then we have something in common." Tony stated, suddenly becoming a bit uncomfortable with his surroundings. "You know, this was Abby's favorite coffee shop…her and the boss used to compete on who made a stronger coffee…"

"Hard to believe."

Tony shrugged. "Well they were both caffeine junkies…"

"I meant it's hard to believe she'd compete with him. She practically worshipped the ground he walked on."

"Yeah," he then cleared his throat to express his need to change the subject. "Look…"

"Don't _'look' _me DiNutzo, just tell me what you want…let me say no…and we can get this over with."

Tony met his eyes. "We lost a member of our team. You know what that's like."

"It comes with the job."

"Not with hers." Tony leaned towards him. "She was innocent. And you and I both know that Gibbs will do anything to find those responsible. Even lay his life down. I'm trying to keep that last part from happening."

"And what makes you think I can help?" He stopped himself. "Let me rephrase that, what makes you think I _want_ to help?"

"Because Toby, underneath that suit and badge, I'd like to believe you care."

Fornell stifled a laugh. "You _are _appealing to sense of humanity."

"I'll appeal to your bank account if it will convince you."

"Are you attempting to bribe a federal agent?"

Tony leaned in closer. "If that's what it takes. But my sense of humanity tells me I wont have to…am I right Toby?"

Fornell nodded slowly. "If you tell anyone…it's my badge."

Tony shrugged before leaning back. "I won't but if worse comes to worse, you can have mine."

* * *

Franks figured neither of them would be getting much sleep and spent the remainder of the night watching Gibbs stare relentlessly at picture frames. He could almost feel the fury resonating off of him and decided to spend his time praying for day light.

* * *

Ducky spent the rest of his evening packing up the remainder of her belongings. He filled up the final box with the last of her CD's just as the sun started to come up. He gazed out the window and smiled. "Another day without you my dear, and it seems it wont be getting any easier. However, I would like to ask you a favor if I could? I was hoping you could keep a watchful eye on a mutual friend of ours…"

* * *

Tony arrived at his apartment to find Ziva sleeping comfortably on Tim's shoulder; and Colonel Ryan wide awake near his window.

"You get what we needed son?"

Tony nodded as he took in the sight of his team and spoke in a whisper. "Only it's gonna be you and me." He gestured towards the door. "Let's roll."


	8. Chapter 8

Ziva shattered her cell phone against the living room wall after calling Tony fourteen times. McGee barely even flinched.

"Maybe he's in trouble?"

Ziva shook her head emphatically. "Oh he is."

"I meant, maybe that's why he's not answering."

"And Colonel Ryan is also conveniently missing? I do not think so McGee."

"You really think he went off without us?"

She started to pace back and forth. "I do not think, I know. That is so like him…running off to be the hero. Salvaging all the glory."

Tim looked up. "Will you stop pacing? You're making me nervous."

She obliged his request and put her hand out. "Give me your phone."

"No way. Not a chance." He held it tight to his chest. "Look, if he doesn't call back after those voicemails you left, then he's not calling back at all." He took in a breath. "He probably thinks he's keeping us safe or something…"

"I do not care why he did it McGee. All I care about is finding him…and killing him."

If Tim had the energy he might've smiled at her ranting and raving. "Come on Ziva, calm down. This is gonna get us nowhere."

Ziva agreed. "But we are nowhere McGee. We are up a creek without a paddle."

Tim almost smiled again. "Sure, you get that one right."

"We do not need to talk about my English right now. We need to find Tony."

"And Colonel Ryan," Tim added.

"I do not care about Colonel Ryan."

"You should." Tim said simply.

"Give me one good reason why McGee?"

He spoke softly. "Because Gibbs does. And the boss is the only reason why we're even up this creek…if he gets killed Ziva. It's over." He sat back down on the couch and let his eyes fall on the floor.

"What is over McGee?"

"Everything." He looked up at her. "I never thought I'd have to do this job without Abby…but I'm holding onto this vain hope that Gibbs will somehow fix it. I don't know why? I mean I know he's not God…I know he can't make everything better. But something tells me that if we can get him back, we'll be okay." He shook his head. "I know, I'm stupid."

"No," she knelt down in front of him. "You are not stupid McGee. There is nothing wrong with a little hope."

"Even if it's false?"

"Who said it is false? Gibbs is a strong man yes. And we do need him, but we cannot put all of our faith into one man or we are bound to be disappointed. We must have faith in ourselves Tim." She put her hand over his heart. "You must believe that what you have inside is strong enough to face any challenge…or the challenge will defeat you."

He placed his hand over hers and squeezed it gently. "Then let's face it."

* * *

"You do realize that Israeli's gonna kill you when this is over?"

Tony turned off his phone. "She won't kill me. She loves me."

"Uh huh." Ryan glanced out the window. "So, you really think we can save the Gunny before he does something crazy?"

"Gibbs is always crazy, the tricky part is figuring out when he's sane."

Ryan agreed. "You know kid, what you did back there was pretty gutsy. I'm beginning to think a little bit of the Gunny has rubbed off on you over the years."

"Yeah, well he's a great teacher."

"I've noticed. He's got you three willing to end your careers, not to mention your lives... You three would've made swell marines."

"Yeah, I can just see me in the brig now…"

* * *

Franks watched Gibbs cleaning his gun and an all too familiar memory rushed his senses. "You sure about this Probie?"

Gibbs brushed with a gentleness he wasn't sure he still had. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

Mike met the look in his eyes; a mix of fear and regret; and pointed at him. "I've seen that look before; only not in you…"

Gibbs glanced down at the weapon, and swallowed. "Jen?"

Franks nodded, reaching for his own gun. "She didn't just die Jethro, she was gunned down because she wanted you to live…don't pretend like that means nothing."

Gibbs looked up for a moment. "It means everything boss. That's why I have to end this."

He threw his hands up. "What is_ this_ Probie? I get revenge…I get that. But you know I won't let you go down. Not on my watch"

"I know."

"Then why ask for my help?" He listened to the silence and answered for him. "Because you don't want to die, do you Probie?"

Gibbs stood up. "I just want to stop the pain."

Franks reached for his arm to keep him from walking away. "Pain fades…death is permanent."

Gibbs removed his hand and stepped closer. "_I know_."

* * *

Fornell answered his front door and cringed. "Don't you people sleep at NCIS?"

Ziva stepped inside without being welcomed. "We need to know what you told Tony."

"Please, do come in." His sarcastic tone not leaving much doubt how he felt about their presence.

Tim stepped inside after the welcome. "Sorry to come to your home; but we need your help."

"Am I running a special this week?"

Ziva didn't take kindly to his comment. "We do not have time to beat around the tree. You must tell us what you told Tony."

Fornell ran a hand over his face. "Tree?" He glanced at Tim and chose to ignore it. "Look, DiNutzo made it very clear that I wasn't to share this information with anyone. Well, particularly you two."

"Since when do you take orders from him?" Ziva's decibel was growing louder and Tim's facial expression did it's best to calm her.

"Since he told me why. And I don't have a loyalty to him; but to Gibbs."

Tim opened his mouth to speak when Ziva robbed him of that chance. "We too have a loyalty to Gibbs. One deeper than yours."

Fornell scoffed. "Don't presume to tell me about loyalty David. I was serving this country before you had your first crush…so don't come into my home and insult my intelligence. That, will get you nowhere."

Tim stepped forward. "Fornell; I know you believe Gibbs would want to protect us. But I know you also believe he may be too far gone for saving. And because you believe that you'll let us help him…"

Tim's voice alone had the uncanny ability to ease every ounce of tension in the room. Fornell wasn't sure if it was the strain or the hidden plea in his voice that moved him. "I won't tell you, but I'll take you there."

* * *

Gibbs removed a photo from a frame beside her alarm clock and slipped it into his back pocket. A gesture he thought he'd hidden from Mike.

"Ready Probie?"

He took a final glance at the apartment he'd known so little about and ran a hand across his handiwork before moving towards the door. "As ready as I'll ever be…"

* * *

Tony pulled the car a fair distance away from their target; his eyes closing for a moment.

"Praying son?"

Tony had been forcing memories of Abby from his mind for days; but chose now to let one come. He smiled fondly before opening his eyes. "Something like that…"

* * *

Tim hadn't been able to stop memories of her and was constantly battling tears. He felt as though a permanent lump rested in his throat and it would never leave.

"Ready Tim?"

He looked up at Ziva; his eyes completely dry for the first time in days, and swallowed hard. "I am."

* * *

Donald Mallard opened the door to her apartment to find it empty, and placed another box on the floor beside the others. The lingering presence of his friend gripping his seasoned heart. He walked around aimlessly with no particular purpose in mind. And ended his walk at the sight of an empty picture frame and held it tight to his chest. Then suddenly found himself on his knees weeping and rocking the frame in his arms like a child. The sound of his cries a deep contrast to the sounds that once emanated in that place…

His blurry eyes opened for a moment to catch an image of her smile. One that could awaken even the deadest heart and curled up onto the floor like a young boy and began to grieve…for the smile that was no longer…


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Shorter update here. But more to come soon. Enjoy.

---

The warehouse was as discreet as you could get in DC. It had been abandoned near the docks for almost 2 years, housing only the occasional bum or run away. But today it would house the meeting of enemies and friends...

* * *

"Where you got Vintorino stashed?" Franks questioned, afraid to ask and somehow already knowing the answer. So when all Gibbs did was stare straight ahead, he shook his head. "This was an even trade Probie…Randazzo's not gonna be happy you double crossed him."

"Don't care."

"Right, I forgot. You're a cold blooded killer now."

Gibbs snapped his head towards him. "You want out just say so boss."

"I'm seeing this through to the end, you know that." He fixated out the window. "I just hope it's worth it."

"She is."

Mike resisted changing the tense of his statement and knew it wouldn't do any good. Gibbs knew she was gone and was determined to avenge her death at any cost. He only hoped the cost wouldn't be their lives. But something told him it might be.

* * *

"We're in the middle of nowhere." Tony whispered, following behind a stealthy moving Ryan.

"No one will come here looking for bodies." He stated.

Tony swallowed hard at the implications of the statement and instinctively reached for his weapon just as Randazzos limo approached the warehouse.

* * *

"Ziva slow down." Tim yanked her arm.

She didn't stop. "We must keep moving."

Fornell pointed. "There's the warehouse. Looks like Ramiro just arrived."

Ziva couldn't but notice that Tim's hand remained on her arm but chose not to acknowledge it. They were facing this challenge together, in every sense of the word.

* * *

The teams assembled opposite of each other without knowing and awaited the entrance of the final characters. Randazzo and his men stood toe to toe with Ramiro and his crew and no words were spoken. That was until the final characters arrived.

"_Boss…"_

"_Gibbs…"_

"_Franks?" _

Each of them had their weapons drawn and awaited any reason for movement; Fornell's men were assembled a fair distance away, waiting for his call. Without any illegal activity, no one could make a move. So they waited…

* * *

Gibbs stepped outside the vehicle along with Franks and stood between the two groups of men assembled. His eyes fixated on Ramiro.

"What the hell is this Randazzo? You invited the cops?"

Marian shook his head. "Seems you took something very important to him." He nodded towards Gibbs who was standing still.

"So that's why you took my daughter?" Ramiro questioned. "To lure me here for this bastard to kill me?"

Gibbs eyes shifted to Marian, that hadn't been part of the deal.

"Who better to kill you than a cop Joe?" The man took a step back and looked towards Gibbs. "You know damn well it's an eye for an eye…you go after my kin…I go after yours." He snapped his finger and within seconds the young girl was brought forward bound and gagged. "I also thought you'd like a front row seat to what happens when you go after my family…"

Ramiro stepped forward, and motioned for his men to lower their weapons. "What do you want?"

"You…dead." Marian nodded towards Gibbs as if that was his cue, but he froze. "Oh come on…he took everything from you remember?. Now's your chance for revenge. Do it."

Ramiro put his hands up in the air. "If he kills me, you'll release my daughter?"

Marian nodded. "You have my word."

It was then Gibbs removed his side arm and took aim between Ramiro's eyes. He could hear Mike whispering something but chose to ignore it. The immense pain rushing through him evident in the shaking of his finger over the trigger. This is what he'd wanted…to taste sweet revenge. This is what he'd killed for, what he'd wept for and what he was willing to die for. His mind was reeling with memories of her as his gaze met Ramiro's daughter. But he shook them away and fixed back on his target.

"Do it cop!"

But Gibbs couldn't hear, he couldn't feel…all he could see were the eyes of man who'd killed his Abby. The reason why he'd no longer have her to hold, to smile at, to laugh with. The man who took away the best thing in his life…

He screamed in anguish as he released the trigger and the next thing he felt was the cold ground beneath him, the last thing he heard were gun shots and the last thing he saw was_ his_ Abby…


	10. Chapter 10

_AN: Flashbacks in Italics_

-------------

"_Probie!!" Franks had been the one to take him to ground and dragged him behind cover as the shooting continued. Before he knew it the warehouse was filled with Feds and most importantly Gibbs team. It felt like the middle of a battlefield. _

* * *

_Tony and Ryan came from the back and were the closest to the young girl. Though surprised by the back up, they didn't resist it. They may have been civilians but there purpose was clear. _

"_Gibbs is down!" Tony shouted. _

"_We get the girl." Ryan countered. "Cant get to him now." He took aim and fired a few rounds before taking cover. The girl was being ushered towards the limo when Ryan came out and fired a second time, this time hitting home. He waved for Tony to go for the girl, while he covered him. But just as Tony reached the girl, they were hailed with bullets…_

* * *

"_Behind you McGee!" Ziva fired and hit her target, seemingly saving her partners life. _

_Tim cringed as the body behind him hit the floor, but was soon focused on the task at hand. "Gibbs was hit." _

_Ziva nodded. "Franks is with him…we must stay put." _

_He glanced at Gibbs position and saw him prostrate on the ground, not moving. "He needs help…"_

_Ziva placed a hand on his arm firmly. "The only way we can help is by ending this siege." _

_Not knowing he was capable of such strength he loosened her grip and raced in the direction of Gibbs car. An array of bullets following his every stride…_

* * *

_Fornell could make out Randazzo and two of his men ushering him towards his limo when he rose to his feet and took chase. "Oh no you don't." He was able to take out the two men and watched Marian throw his hands in the air. _

"_I give up." _

_Fornell's aim was steadfast. "Oh, that's too bad." _

* * *

_Ziva found herself alone as the siege came to an end. She stood up and saw a body in every direction. She'd never fought in a war and wondered if this was how it felt to be the one who survived…_

* * *

Franks had just burnt out his fifth cigarette in the past ten minutes when a familiar face appeared at the entrance of the ER.

"How are they?"

Mike examined the older man; who seemed to have aged decades since he'd last seen him. "Critical…" He offered him a smoke. "Nothing you can do in there…"

Ducky politely declined; his voice strained. "No thank you; I prefer whiskey for such circumstances."

"From the looks of you, I'd say you've already been partaking…"

He nodded slowly. "Yes, well. One thing I've become accustomed to is drowning my sorrows. Unfortunately, it is only temporary." He swallowed. "It seems the only permanent anecdote is death."

Mike only nodded as he lit yet another cigarette and watched the man enter through the doors before calling back. "Your people put up one hell of a fight out there…"

Ducky didn't turn to face him but replied solemnly. "Let's only hope they won it."

* * *

Ziva sat alone in the waiting room, her Star of David gripped in her hand; softly whispering prayers she'd memorized as a child. Holding onto the only hope she could, feeling completely helpless for once in her life. There was no one left to kill; nothing left to avenge…all there was, were her teammates fighting for their lives and that Star of David…

* * *

_Ryan took hold of the girl and carried her in his arms to safety, only to return to another body riddled with bullets. He took care to cover each of the wounds just as the shooting came to an end. _

"_Hang in there son…"_

_Tony coughed violently. "The girl?" _

"_She's safe. You did good." He held pressure to what he assessed as the most life threatening wound and let out a yell. "Medic!" _

"_G-G-Gibbs?"_

_Ryan looked away to see a group hovered over the Gunny's location, and gave the boy some comfort. "He's alright son." He lied. "So don't go pissing him off and hang in there…got me?"_

"_Yes s-s-sir…"_

* * *

Ryan met Franks outside the ER entrance and sat beside him. "I didn't catch your name…"

"I didn't throw it." Mike looked away and assumed that would be good enough. It wasn't.

He put out his hand. "I'm the Gunny's old CO. You can call me Ryan."

Franks took it reluctantly. "Mike Franks, retired."

"You were with him when he went down…how was he?"

Mike eventually turned to face him. "He wasn't."

"I don't understand."

He put out his cigarette and cleared his throat. "He was gone long before that bullet hit him."

Ryan didn't need an explanation. "Yeah, I've seen that look in his eyes before. And believe me, once is more than enough…"

"You were there?"

He knew what Mike was referring to and slowly nodded. "He ran out into enemy fire like he was super man…"

"Well I'd like to say Jethro's got it in him to fight…but it looks like losing that girl was his kryptonite."

* * *

Ducky's feet were like that of clay when he reached the waiting room to find Ziva sitting alone. Their eyes met and he barely had the courage to offer comfort; knowing full well he didn't have much left to give. But never the less he held her in his arms. "We will be alright my dear." He placed a soft hand on her cheek as she eased away and couldn't help but notice the dried blood. "Are you hurt?"

"No," she spoke softly. "It is not mine."

He ushered back towards the chairs and sat down beside her. "What happened?"

* * *

_Ziva raced to Tim's side, only feet from where Franks was attending to Gibbs. "Easy, I am here McGee." _

"_Almost…made it…" He turned his head and reached his hand out towards Gibbs. _

_Ziva took it and brought his focus back to her. "He will fight for himself McGee, you must fight for you. Do you understand?" _

_Tim swallowed, his eyes still focused on the body lying feet from him. He'd almost made it. _

_Ziva reached for his face; forcing him to make eye contact with her. "McGee, do you understand?" _

_But just as their eyes met, the grip on her hand loosened…_

* * *

Ziva opened her eyes and met the ones across from her. "I could not stop him…I should have stopped him."

"Non sense my dear," he spoke gently. "You did what needed to be done. Now it is up to Timothy."

She stood up, frustrated by the statement. "He did not fight Ducky…He was supposed to fight…we were supposed to fight together. All of us."

"It is not that simple…"

She interrupted. "No, it was. I told him to fight, but instead he reached out for _him_…for the man who left us. Left us to fight alone."

Ducky was almost at a loss for words. "He did not want you to fight at all."

"Ha!" She almost shouted. "As if he expected us to just walk away? If he thought that, then maybe he _has_ gone mad…he knew we would stop at nothing. He should have come to us for help…he should not have left us…" She took in a breath and began to pace. "Now look at us…and all because he thought of no one but himself."

* * *

Vance stopped in his tracks at the sight of Colonel Ryan and Franks sitting together outside the ER. It wasn't long before words were spoken.

"Come to repent for your sins?" Franks questioned. "If you are, Chapels on the fifth floor."

"I should've known you'd be in involved in this. Seems death follows you."

Mike scoffed. "Seems cowardice follows you."

"I'm not gonna stand here and listen to this."

"The hell you aren't," Franks stood up, and couldn't help but notice his new friend doing the same. "Why don't you just go sit behind your cushy little desk and leave them be."

"They're my people…"

"Were," Ryan corrected. "You took their badges remember? Maybe if you hadn't…maybe if you'd helped…they wouldn't be in there all shot up…"

Leon straightened his jacket. "They made their own choices."

"Only because you didn't give them any…" Ryan stepped in front of Franks. "So I would take this mans advice and go hide behind that desk…cuz it's probably the safest place for you to be right now."

"Are you threatening me?"

Ryan looked back at Mike and stifled a laugh. "Are we threatening him?"

Franks shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Vance contemplated his next move before turning back. "I wouldn't outstay your welcome if I were you."

Mike glanced to his right. "He talking to you or me?"

"I think both of us."

Leon left reluctantly; perhaps suddenly aware that his presence may do more harm than good. And that was the last thing his people needed…

* * *

Ducky stopped her pacing by standing in front of her. "What Gibbs did or did not do does not matter now…what matters are Timothy and Anthony coming back to us."

She examined him for a moment. "You did not mention Gibbs."

He took a few steps away before turning towards her. "Only because I fear that even if he awakens…he may never _truly_ come back to us…"

* * *

"_Abby?" Gibbs squinted at the image before him and was soon on bended knee. "Abby…"_

_The image moved closer but not close enough to touch. "Hey…"_

_The gentleness in her voice caused him to well up with tears. "Please tell me this is real."_

"_If it were, you'd be dead Gibbs." _

"_That's okay," he was quick to respond. "I don't care what I have to do…just please don't let me go…" _

_She stepped closer; knowing full well it was futile. She couldn't touch him no matter how badly she wanted to. "I can't…"_

_He did nothing but stare at her for what felt like hours, but was only seconds. " I'm sorry." _

_She watched him begin to weep and knelt down in front of him. "What could you possibly be sorry for?"_

"_I just…I didn't…I couldn't love you enough..."_

_She reached out for him; then remembered she couldn't. "You loved me as much as you could…that's what matters…and I loved you. That won't change okay?"_

_Just the sound of her voice made him reach for his chest in agony. He searched his mind for a response but only one phrase seemed to come. "I miss you…" He reached a hand toward her face and watched it pass through. "It hurts so much…"_

_And in a moment she didn't think was possible she brushed a lone tear from his cheek. "I'll always be there…"_

* * *

Ducky stood solemnly at his friends bedside when he noticed him starting to stir. He leaned over and gasped at the sight, his lip beginning to quiver. What he saw on his face…was a tear…


	11. Chapter 11

Ducky took hold of his friends hand cautiously as the slue of nursing staff rushed in to assess his condition. Though he was asked to step away; he still managed to keep hold of Gibbs hand.

"He seems to be coming around," one nurse stated. "His vitals are stable but he'll still be in and out of it for a while yet. We will keep a close eye, but he should be alright."

The word _alright_ was relative, and Ducky knew it. "Thank you my dear. I will keep a close watch." He watched her leave before brushing away the remnants of the tear. "I am here Jethro…"

* * *

Ziva had taken to pacing outside the operating rooms; her presence distracting some of the staff. But after taking one look in her direction, no one dared to question her. She continued to brace her pendant as the minutes ticked off the clock. Her gut remained in knots and she wished there was something…anything…she could do to fix this. But there wasn't. She'd had her chance at the pier and in her eyes; she had failed. She replayed Tim's race towards Gibbs in her mind as she paced, but soon realized its ineffectiveness. She knew nothing could be done about the past; only the present. It was then she lifted her eyes upward in a silent plea…for her teammates, for healing and for her…

* * *

"Abby?" Gibbs blinked as the light hit it eyes; before clenching his eye lids shut completely, only to open them moments later.

Ducky swallowed at the mention of her name and brought himself into Gibbs field of vision. "Jethro, welcome back."

"No," he began to shake his head slowly at first, then with more vigor. "No, I don't want to be back…"

"Jethro…"

"No!" His decibel caused a number of staff to enter the room fairly quickly. He reached for the wound near his chest and pounded at it, welcoming the pain. "No!"

Ducky watched as the nurses remained calm and began to give him what could only be deduced as a sedative. He placed a soft hand on Gibbs shoulder as his eyes lids lowered. "It will be alright…"

"No." He repeated relentlessly until his eyes were fully closed. "No…"

* * *

Ziva stepped aside as the OR doors opened and revealed one of her partners. "Is he alright? Where are you taking him?"

One of the surgeons motioned for them to continue and responded to her. "To ICU, he is not out of the woods yet." He noticed her badge and side arm. "I take it you are his partner?"

"I am." She confirmed. "What about the other man…Agent Timothy McGee? He was brought in at the same time…gun shot wound to the upper shoulder and abdomen…"

"He is your partner as well?" He asked regrettably, somehow already knowing the answer. He watched her nod before shaking his head. "I will see what I can find out…Agent DiNozzo is being taken to 1202, you can follow me there."

"Thank you," she said kindly, not realizing she hadn't released her Star of David throughout the exchange.

"Don't worry," he stated. "Nothing wrong with a little hope…"

* * *

Ryan and Franks arrived at Gibbs room silently. Ducky stood up at their entrance and allowed his facial expression to speak for itself.

"Has he woken up?" Mike asked; taking a seat to Gibbs left.

"Briefly," Ducky began. "He expressed his dissatisfaction with being alive…and began to re-injure his wound. It all happened very quickly; but the nurses were able to sedate him."

"He can't stay sedated forever," Ryan stated the obvious. "But he's been here before, he'll make it."

"You sound very sure of yourself." Ducky acknowledged.

The Colonel gave Gibbs a once over before he agreed. "Because I am."

"I only hope you are right," he let out a sigh. "Would you gentleman be so kind as to stay with him? I must see to my boys."

Each gave a quiet nod as they watched him stare at Gibbs in silence for a few moments before finally moving towards the door.

* * *

Ducky placed himself in the doorway to find Ziva surprisingly close to Tony.

"When you wake up…you are in so much trouble." She cleared her throat and found her hand entangled with his. "You should not have done what you did. As heroic as it was; it was also very stupid…and not the kind of stupid I put up with…but the kind of stupid that will tempt me to break your fingers…" She pushed aside a hair strand from her face before continuing. "But I will make you a deal…you live and I will spare you your fingers…"

"I'm sure he'll be appreciative of that my dear…" He made his entrance and placed himself behind her.

"Gibbs?" She looked back at him; easing herself away from Tony's side.

Ducky contemplated the long response but decided against it. "He is expected to recover…"

"Of course," she responded, leaving little time for thought.

"Ziva…"

She put her hand up. "Please Ducky, do not expect me to be kind…no one else should have to suffer because of his poor decisions."

"We have all made poor decisions."

"Not ones that get half of their team shot up!" She tried not to shout, but wasn't successful. "If he would have come to us; all of this could have been avoided. If he had been a bit more like a normal human being we would not be here."

"Boss isn't normal…"

Ziva couldn't turn around fast enough and was instantly at her partner's side. "Tony…"

He only nodded slowly before closing his eyes. "G-G-Gibbs…he okay?"

"Fine," she expressed quickly. "Are you in pain?"

He licked at his lips. "McGee?"

Ziva tried to hide the fear on her face but realized it was futile. "He was also wounded…appears to still be in surgery…are you in pain?"

He clenched his eye lids and reached out for something to grab hold of. He found her hand. "You okay?"

"I am fine…" She sent a concerned look towards Ducky.

"Anthony, are you in pain?"

He gave a quick nod and it wasn't long before Ducky left the room to get assistance. Ziva continued holding his hand despite the pain it was causing her.

"You m-mad?"

She shook her head. "That is not important…what is important is you being alright."

"See? You do love me…" His face was contorted in so much pain that the words didn't come out with the eloquence he'd hoped for.

A few nurses tended to his medication and allowed for him to rest comfortably.

"What would cause such pain so soon after surgery? Wouldn't the anesthesia suffice for an allotted period of time?" Ducky was quick to ask questions concerning his condition; but chose to do so out of Ziva's ear shot in the hallway.

"Agent DiNozzo had multiple wound sites. Luckily they were from a fair distance, but the caliber was still able to do quite a bit of damage. I can't say more definitively, but Dr. Mason should be in shortly…"

"Thank you dear," Ducky nodded his gratefulness before re-entering Tony's room. He was now clearly sedated; ironically the same way he'd left Gibbs. "Where were we?"

Ziva stood up. "There is no need to discuss the matter any further. There are more important things to do…"

"There is nothing left to do but wait Ziva, there are no more bad guys to catch. No more battles to be won…"

"There are always battles Doctor; always."

"And what battle are you waging now my dear?"

She stepped past him; her next destination clear. "The only one worth fighting for…"

* * *

Ziva arrived at NCIS and was relieved that her clearance had not yet been revoked. She was able to travel through the building with ease and arrived outside the Directors office determined.

"Office David to see you sir."

Vance didn't hesitate. "Alright." He stood up at her entrance and examined her.

"How is…"

She interrupted as politely as she could. "We know very little at this point. But I am not here to give a report."

"You're here to ask for these?" He slipped open a drawer with their badges and laid tem out onto his desk.

"I am."

"You disobeyed a direct order," he stated. "One that if you had chosen to follow; could have saved us from the unfortunate circumstance your teammates are in."

"We did what needed to be done. What anyone would have done." She met his eyes intently. "What _you_ would have done Director."

"Me?"

"I want to believe you are a man of integrity. I want to believe that you do not have this job solely because of politics. I want to believe that if your daughter was killed you would stop at nothing to find her killer…"

"My daughter?"

"What Abby was to Gibbs yes? You cannot tell me you expected us to walk away?"

Vance stepped around his desk and met her stare with his own. "What you did was reckless."

"What we did may have saved a young girls life…put two well known mob bosses behind bars. Not to mention the number of scum that work for them…we went there to save Gibbs…but it wasn't until it was over that I realized there is nothing left to save…except what he worked so hard to…his team…"

Leon looked back towards the badges lying on his desk. "How can you be sure DiNozzo and McGee will even want them back?"

"I am their partner," she stated plainly. "_You_ are not."

He nodded before reaching back and handing them to her with ease. "I hope they pull through…"

Ziva took them gratefully as she turned to leave. "_We_ will."

* * *

Ducky had been waiting impatiently for Dr. Mason's arrival and was just about to ask his whereabouts a third time when he came through the door. He put out his hand kindly. "Doctor Donald Mallard, Medical Examiner, NCIS. I am Anthony's co-worker and friend."

Mason could see the sheer exhaustion in his eyes and gestured for him to sit down. "Doctor, your friend had a bullet removed dangerously close to his spine. Most of his wounds were sustained in his back from a hunched position…causing the bullets to tear through at an odd angle…"

"Are you saying that this type of pain will be permanent?"

"Time will tell; we are going to bring him out of sedation and run some preliminary tests. But in order to make him comfortable; morphine will be a part of his regular dose of antibiotics…"

Ducky ran a hand over his face. "Will he be alright?"

Mason smiled at the simplicity of the statement; even coming from a Doctor. "I am going to do all I can to make sure of that."

Ducky put out his hand a second time. "Thank you."

Mason took it. "If there's any other questions; I'll be right in the hall way."

"Subsequently…another co-worker of mine is still reported to be in surgery. Is there a chance you could update me on his condition? Agent Timothy McGee?"

"I'll find out for you now Doctor."

* * *

Ziva returned to Tony's room in a bit higher spirits then when she'd left. That was until she saw the look of grief on Ducky's face when she entered; instinctively reaching once again for her Star of David.

"What is it?"

Ducky stood up to meet her. "It's Timothy…"


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Song Rights: Silly Wizard, Bank of the Lee

---

Ziva stepped back at the statement and nearly collided with the wall behind her. "Do _not_ tell me he is gone…"

Ducky moved forward but stopped mid-stride. "He suffered a cardiac arrest during the surgery…they were able to bring him back…but his brain was deprived of oxygen for nearly three minutes…he's lapsed into a coma…"

She let out a sigh of relief before reaching for the wall behind her as a crutch. She leaned her head against her forearm and let her heart come back to its normal rhythm. A gentle hand was on her shoulder within seconds.

"He is strong my dear…"

She turned towards him abruptly. "You do not have to tell me Ducky…I already know."

"Yes, quite." He responded solemnly, the tiredness in his voice clear. "He is not far, only two rooms down to the right via my request. I am sure he would welcome a visit."

She nodded, taking a step towards Tony, then towards the door and repeating it. "Did they tell you why he was in so much pain?"

"It appears one of the bullets may have caused some nerve damage, they'll be waking him up soon to run a few tests…"

She read his expression. "This pain may be permanent yes?"

"As cliché as this may sound Ziva, only time will tell."

She slipped a hand into her bag and shuffled a bit before pulling out the object she'd wanted. She placed the badge in his hand and curled his fingers around it. "Thought you might be wanting this back…" She placed a soft kiss on the back of his hand before moving towards the door. "You will stay with him yes?"

Ducky only nodded as he watched her walk away reluctantly.

* * *

Ziva waited for the nurses to finish before taking her place beside him. She looked upward before letting her head hang low. Why had she been the one who survived? How had everything fallen apart so easily? Would things ever be the same? Those questions and more raced back and forth in her mind, with no answers. The only thing she knew for sure was she was afraid. An emotion she didn't allow herself to feel very often…

"I suppose you cannot hear me, but I want to believe you can. I want to believe a lot of things….I want to believe that one day soon we will all be back in the bull pen, solving cases…poking fun at one another…but I suppose that is not up to me." She stopped herself but only for a moment. "Before all this you said that Gibbs would somehow be able to fix all this; but I do not believe he can McGee…I believe that you can, and Tony, Ducky, myself…we can fight through all of this…and be a team again yes?" She sniffled a bit before pressing her face into his hand. "I know you are sad…I know anything seems better than the pain…but I have been there; I have sought reasons for it all…I used to believe that I needed to fight alone, but I was wrong…" She let a lone tear fall against his fingers and used his hand to brush it away. "Will we still be sad? Yes. Will it hurt? Yes…but we will have each other McGee…so please do not give up…please stay with me…stay with us…"

She laid his hand over hers and rested her head beside them; allowing her eyes to close for a momentary escape from the fear…

* * *

Ducky remained as close to Tony's side as he could through the battery of tests. It was hours before he was returned to his room. The morphine was causing him to go in and out, but Ducky was a fixture beside him.

"Boss?"

"No," he came into Tony's eye sight. "Ducky."

"Quack, quack…"

He managed a tired smile. "Quite," he continued. "You are going to be alright…you just need some rest…"

"Rest, schmest…I need to get out of here…"

Ducky knew he wouldn't have the strength to move so relaxed a bit. "There is nowhere to be, but here. Now rest your eyes…"

He turned his head side to side. "Abby…she needs me…there was so much blood…I need…she needs…help…"

Ducky swallowed as he imagined the scene at the coffee shop. Tony had been the first to arrive. "Tony, you must rest…"

"Never had a chance…never did…she was gone…how am I gonna tell Gibbs? Oh God, He'll just die Ducky…he'll just die…I cant…you tell him…please…" He continued to shake his head. "I told him…I told him about Jenny…you…you tell him about Abby…please…"

Ducky placed a hand on his shoulder. "I shall. Now just close your eyes…" He hushed him gently. "There you are, just rest." He listened as Tony continued to ramble when he leaned in towards his friend and began to hum a melody…

"_For I loved her very dearly, most truly and sincerely…there is no one in this wide world I loved more than she…every bush and every bower, every sweet Irish flower…reminds me of my Mary, on the Banks of the Lee..." He hummed a few more chords before continuing softly. "I will pull my love some roses, some wild Irish roses, I will pull my love some roses…the fairest at sea. And l lay them on the grave site of my own dear darling Mary…on that cold and silent grave where she sleeps beneath the dew…" _

He took care that Tony was asleep before letting his own eyes rest; memories of his sweet Abby reminding him how _far_ from alone he truly was…

* * *

Gibbs opened his eyes to find both his friends sleeping awkwardly on their chairs and let his gaze fall on his wound. He placed a hand over it and closed his eyes. Why was he alive? He shouldn't be. He opened them a second time and hoped it had all been a bad dream…Abby would be coming through his door with a coffee and some stuffed animal to make him feel better. Kate hadn't been shot dead on that roof top…Jenny hadn't been gunned down…his wife and daughter were alive and well; waiting for him to return home…

But the reality of all of those things seemed to make his wound ache even more. All he wanted was for the pain to stop…why was that so hard? But in a moment of clarity he realized the bodies asleep around him were not his team…He hit the buttons to his left frantically before awaking his friends with a shout…

"Hey!" He tried to sit up. "Boss, where are my people? Colonel?"

Franks was the first to come around. "You alright Probie?"

"Where are my people Mike?"

He stood up and ran a hand over his face. "They came to the warehouse…"

Gibbs voice suddenly grew. "Damnit Mike…where are they?"

A slue of nurses came in to sedate him a second time when Colonel Ryan ordered them to wait.

"Two of your men were wounded Gunny. DiNozzo and McGee went down like heroes."

"Went down?" Gibbs facial expression softened. "Please don't tell me they're…"

Mike stepped in. "They were alive en route…that ME left to see about them…" he glanced at his watch. "I'll see if I can track him down."

"David…" Gibbs continued.

"Probably with the ME." Mike stated before moving towards the door. "I'll find out what I can…you just stay put."

Gibbs glare spoke for itself, but Ryan wasn't intimidated. "That's an order Gunny."

It was then he let his head rest on his pillow but not before slamming his fist onto his bed. "Damnit Colonel…why couldn't they just stay out of it?" He swallowed. "I thought I covered my tracks…"

"Not all of them." Ryan stood up tall. "I did what I thought was right."

"You?" Gibbs clutched his wound a second time. "You brought them into this?"

"I'm your CO, what the hell else was I supposed to do? You're one of my men."

"This isn't Kuwait...and I'm not one of your soldiers anymore." He sat up slowly. "_My_ men could die…and for what?"

"For a little girl." He stated plainly. "That DiNozzo of yours saved that little girl…but maybe she wouldn't have needed saving if you weren't so blinded by your revenge…I should've seen it right away, but I was blinded by_ my _debt to you…well Gunny, it wasn't me who brought those kids into this. It was those kids themselves…who were blinded only by their faith in you…"

Gibbs hadn't been spoken to like that in years, but responded out of habit. "Faith for me to do what sir?"

"The same faith Lt. Cameron had Gunny…that if you were gone; we wouldn't make it…that what you have inside you is strong enough to rescue anyone or anything…"

His eyes seemed to instantly well with tears. "I couldn't rescue _him_ sir…or my family…I don't have a damn thing inside of me…nothing."

Ryan stepped towards him. "You are a marine."

The statement held enough power to silence the room for a full minute; neither of the men losing eye contact.

"You have fine people under you Jethro. Don't you dare forget that." He placed a hand on his shoulder. "And don't you dare forget the sacrifices made to keep that faith alive…"

Gibbs went silent for a few moments as he digested his words. "I miss her sir."

Ryan simply nodded as he watched Gibbs head lower. "I know Gunny, I know."

* * *

Ducky was awoken by a hand on his shoulder but was careful not to startle Tony. He glanced behind him and gestured that they take it into the hall way.

"Is Jethro alright?"

Mike shifted his weight. "Define alright."

Ducky was quickly aggravated. "Please, I am tired…"

"He's awake…asking about his Agents…"

He straightened his clothing and gave a quick glance towards Tony before nodding. "I will give him a report but we must make a stop first." He didn't walk far and asked that Mike remain in the hallway. He stepped inside to find Ziva resting beside McGee and removed his coat to place it over her shoulders. He then returned outside and led the way towards Gibbs room. "Come along."

Mike seemed a bit awe stricken by what was happening around him and wasn't sure if he'd ever witnessed anything like it. "Lead the way Doc."

* * *

Ducky entered; his eyes almost as blood shot as his counterpart. "I am relieved our goodbye was not as final as it seemed…"

It was then Franks and Ryan politely left the room.

Gibbs distracted from the comment and responded. "DiNozzo and McGee?"

"Anthony has suffered nerve damage…the extent is still unclear at this point. He is in a fair amount of pain; which is being masked by the morphine. Timothy however, is in seemingly no physical pain at all. He is in a coma Jethro."

Gibbs closed his eyes and momentarily looked away. "David is with them?"

"Sleeping close to Timothy's side…she almost seems the worst for wear. And yet, no wounds that are visible."

"God Duck, they shouldn't have been there."

"Perhaps none of you should have been. I doubt Abigail would have wanted any of this…"

Gibbs watched as his friend took a seat and placed a hand over his eyes. "You alright Duck?"

"Quite the contrary," he responded confidently. "But I do not have time to wallow. Those boys need me…Ziva needs me. You? I will not begin to venture as to what you need Jethro…" He stared up at him. "Because I know it is something I simply cannot give…"

"No one can."

"Then perhaps no one can help you. But I do know three others who know what they need…and I must be the one to tell them that they won't be getting it from you."

"How can you know that for sure?"

Ducky stood up. "Because I know the wound you are clutching to was inflicted by no one else, but_ you_ Jethro."

--


	13. Chapter 13

"My choice to make…" Gibbs stated and uncharacteristically looked away. Only to have his focus brought back with a firm touch to his jaw.

"The wrong choice." Ducky's tone was unmistakable; his disappointment clearly evident.

"I don't have to justify myself to you…"

"Au contraire my friend; because at the moment I am the only person who will listen…"

It was then a familiar and tired voice entered the room. "That is not entirely true..."

Ducky turned to face her; his expression full of concern and hesitation.

"I will be fine…" Ziva assured. "I am sure your company would be welcomed by Tony or McGee."

The ME received her suggestion and with a final glance in Gibbs direction he moved towards the door; hovering at the exit for a few moments before stepping outside.

Gibbs sat up as she arrived at the foot of his bed. "You alright?"

Ziva's gaze seemed glued to the floor. "No, I am not."

"Stupid question…"

"Very," she responded with a hint of contempt. Her eyes still fixated on the ground. "I don't suppose I could ask _you_ a question?" She watched him nod before lifting her eyes. "Why?"

Gibbs hesitated. "Care to elaborate?"

"I should not have to."

He was finally able to lock onto her stare when he responded. "_Why_ did I go alone? _Why_ did I risk everything? Or maybe you're here for the million dollar question…_why_ didn't I pull the trigger?"

She gave a quiet nod and simply awaited his answer.

"The answer doesn't matter....nothing does."

She slammed her hand on the bed railing before taking a step around it. "Do not hide behind self pity…I will not accept it. I will not listen to you feel sorry for yourself…it does not become you."

"Then what does?"

"Selfishness." She was now standing close to his right. "_You_ had to find Abby killer…_you_ had to get revenge…_you_ had to do it all. And for what? For whom? Abby?" She shook her head. "No, for _you_."

Gibbs mouth unclenched. "What do you want? An apology?"

She shook her head. "You do not need to apologize. I already know how _weak_ you really are…"

It went silent for a few moments before Gibbs responded. "You don't know the meaning of the word weak…"

"I do not?" Ziva questioned. "Then perhaps you would like to spend a moment in my shoes for a day yes? I may not have lost a spouse or a child; but I have lost family. People whom I loved…so do not begin to tell me what it means to feel weak…I have felt it just as often as you…"

Gibbs swallowed hard. "You're right."

Ziva took in a breath to calm herself. "And _you _are wrong."

"Not many people have the guts to say that to me."

"Well, I am _not_ many people…I am someone who learned much too early; just how devastating the cause of revenge can be…it is an all consuming fire. One that can ravage even the kindest heart...and turn him into a monster."

"Ari…"

She shook her head solemnly. "You."

Gibbs closed his eyes as if absorbing what she'd said. "You really believe that?"

"I do not know what else _to_ believe…"

He noticed a tear at the brim of her eye. "I'm sorry…"

She nodded as if accepting it and let her gaze rest on the floor once more. "We went to that warehouse not just because we loved you…but because we loved _her_…she was able to care for you in a way none of us could. She brought out a side of Gibbs we rarely saw…we risked our lives to save _that_…we risked our lives to save the man she loved…_not_ the man I see in front of me now…

Gibbs looked away just as she began to lift her head and after waiting patiently for an answer she moved towards the door…their eyes meeting just as she reached it. It was then all the words exchanged were mirrored by one aching tear…

* * *

Ducky pulled a chair up beside McGee and eased himself into it. "It has been quite a week has it not?" He ran a hand over his face before leaning in towards his friend. "I don't suppose you'd like to brighten the weeks events by waking up?" He shook his head regrettably. "Not yet, I suppose…it is quite inconceivable to think that just a short time ago life was carrying on with its relative state of normalcy. We were beginning to adjust to Vance's arrival…our A Team had been reunited…" He managed a small smile before he continued.

"Everyone's antics were in full force. What with you ravaging Abby's cupcake…and her protective super glue…" He chuckled momentarily, before allowing his raw emotions to reveal themselves. "I know you loved her dearly my boy, I wish I could willingly take her place. Me having lived a relatively full life, with hers only just beginning. But alas, the rules of the universe do not allow such a trade." He looked upward at the proverbial heavens then let his eyes rest back on his friend. "It seems things have begun to fall apart more rapidly than I imagined…I only hope you will be part of its repair."

It was then he folded his hands and led one of his knees gently to the ground. "I wouldn't call myself a religious man…but I do hope you will lean your ear to my cry. This young man has risked his life for the greater good…a greater good I want to believe you are for and not against…a God who loves man for the right they do and not only the wrong…" He closed his eyes tight as if holding himself together. "I am not here to ask why you took Abigail from us, but to ask that you spare this young man from becoming another senseless victim of evil…the evil he fights daily to defeat." He began to shake his head slowly before searching his mind for more to say. "Anthony, Timothy…all of us have endured our fair share of pain on our chosen paths…I am only asking that perhaps…" He opened his eyes and let a few tears escape down his face. "You would…._help_."

The final word was barely audible as he buried his head in his arms and let out a few muffled cries. The image of a broken and tired man. It was only when his hand was squeezed ever so gently that his cries of fear transformed into cries of relief.

Perhaps hope can prevail, after all.

* * *

Ziva entered Tony's room quietly and placed herself at his bed side; her emotions still in a whirl wind. She allowed one hand to rest on his forehead before closing her eyes in silent petition; her other hand clenched to her Star of David. Her prayers continued until she noticed his eyes begin to open.

"Hey…"

She managed a tired smile. "Hey."

"How _we_ doing?"

She somehow knew the '_we_' he was referring to and answered truthfully. "Hanging on by a string…"

"Thread…" he managed his voice barely audible. "Boss?"

"He is alive." She stated plainly. "McGee is…"

"Alive." Ducky appeared in the doorway; his face stricken with tears and his lips curved in a smile. "He is awake….and asking for you."

Ziva smiled one of the first genuine smiles in days and looked down at her partner.

"Go…" Tony told her. "Give him a kiss for me…" He watched her leave before bellowing after her. "But not on the lips…"

Ducky appeared at his left with a relieved sigh. "It appears God does hear us."

Tony was still a bit out of it but managed to form a response. "Funny…I always thought He was deaf…"

Ducky frowned at the response; but understood how he could have arrived at that conclusion. "Not today Anthony…not today."

* * *

Ryan entered Gibbs room shortly after Ziva's departure.

"What's next Gunny?"

Gibbs peeled his eyes from the window. "Time..."

"Heals all?" Ryan questioned.

"Its relentless…" Gibbs continued. "No matter what, you cant stop it, cant go back, cant go forward…You cant savor moments…cant even forget what haunts you." He looked back towards the window. "Even when you remember it's never like being in the moment…the feelings are never as real…the touch isn't there." He put up his hand and clenched it into a fist. "I never believed in regret Colonel…until today."

"You said it Gunny…you can't go back. No use in regret."

"There is if it teaches me how to live…"

"And how is that?"

Gibbs looked back at him. "Like the man she loved Colonel…" He nodded as if agreeing with himself. "I've been lying here trying to remember what if felt like when she'd hug me…or what it felt like to kiss her cheek…I know those things will never be real again and I cant…I cant get it out of my head."

"No one said you have to."

Gibbs nodded as he contemplated sharing his next memory. "One night Kelly was sitting in my lap…she couldn't of been more than two years old…combing her hair was like fighting a war…she never sat still…but that night she was a perfect little angel…and I brushed and brushed as if I never wanted the moment to end…it was so simple, yet it's the most real memory I have of her…"

Ryan was trying hard to control his own emotions as he watched his friend show a side of himself he never knew existed. He knew he was a man of strong convictions and remembered seeing him distraught after Lt. Cameron…but never as transparent as he was seeing him now.

"Time…" Ryan repeated Gibbs previous statement; but affirmed his own. "Heals all."

Gibbs shook his head; his eyes burning with tears. "No it doesn't."


	14. Chapter 14

AN: I would like to apologize for not replying to as many reviews as of late. Life's been a bit busier, but I will do better, I promise. So here is a mass thank you to all of you have faithfully reviewed. I so appreciate the support! Enjoy!

_Flashbacks in Italics. _

_--------_

_  
"Everything." He looked up at her. "I never thought I'd have to do this job without Abby…but I'm holding onto this vain hope that Gibbs will somehow fix it. I don't know why? I mean I know he's not God…I know he can't make everything better. But something tells me that if we can get him back, we'll be okay." He shook his head. "I know, I'm stupid."_

_"No," she knelt down in front of him. "You are not stupid McGee. There is nothing wrong with a little hope."_

_"Even if it's false?"_

_"Who said it is false? Gibbs is a strong man yes. And we do need him, but we cannot put all of our faith into one man or we are bound to be disappointed. We must have faith in ourselves Tim." She put her hand over his heart. "You must believe that what you have inside is strong enough to face any challenge…or the challenge will defeat you."_

_He placed his hand over hers and squeezed it gently. "Then let's face it."_

* * *

Ziva stood at the doorway as if she had an army in front of her, then without a moments hesitation ran towards his bed side. He opened his eyes at the touch of his arm and managed a weak smile.

"Ziva…"

She nodded, her eyes welled with tears. "You are feeling alright yes?"

"Don't know…haven't moved."

She almost laughed as she skimmed her hand across his forehead. "Welcome back."

"Gibbs?"

That both her partners had asked about him first; made her quiver inside. "He is recovering…Tony was also wounded but is awake. Seems we have a long road ahead."

Tim absorbed the words before nodding slowly. "We always did…"

She moved her hand to cover his. "But we are together."

"Not all of us."

Ziva watched as a lone tear escaped his eye and wiped it away before placing both hands on his face and forcing him to meet her gaze. "You are strong McGee…we are all strong. It will not be easy, but I promise I will not leave your side…you will not be alone."

Tim's hand slowly lifted and he placed it behind her neck before using all his strength to pull her in close. It was then he began to cry. "Abby was alone…she died without me there…without any of us there…"

Ziva could think of nothing to say and simply held him.

"I loved her so much…"

"I know," she reassured him, her heart slowly breaking.

"I'm scared Ziva…"

She parted from him but only for a moment. "So am I."

She continued to hold him…_no_…they continued to hold each other for as long as necessary. A bond forming between them that was stronger than it ever had been. There was indeed a long road ahead but in that hospital room and in that moment, the road got a little shorter.

* * *

Ducky took care that Tony was asleep before checking on the others. He stood at Tim's doorway to see Ziva crawled up beside him; asleep once again. A small smile appeared on his face but it soon faded. Now that this battle was almost over; he knew an even larger one was before them. Life without Abby. A life none of them were prepared for. He only wondered if their leader would be there to help or if they would be grieving him as well…

* * *

It was nearly 2am when he arrived at his friend's door. He had spent a fair amount of time to himself; thinking, praying and thinking some more. As he approached his bed side he wasn't surprised to find him awake.

"Jethro."

Gibbs winced slightly as he awoke fully. "You should be asleep."

"I should be here." He stated plainly, not leaving much room for debate.

"Lecturing me right?"

Ducky took a seat beside him. "No Jethro, to listen."

"You telling me you don't have a Mallard anecdote to share?"

He shook his head slowly. "I'm afraid I don't have one fitting enough for these circumstances. Perhaps you do?"

Gibbs swallowed, his hand seemingly glued over his wound. "What you aiming for Duck?"

"I am not aiming for anything. I am simply here to listen."

"And if I have nothing to say?"

He set his hand on his lap. "Then I will sit here quietly until you do…"

Gibbs would've smiled if he could. "What do you want to hear?"

"Whatever you would like to say."

The simplicity of his answers puzzled Gibbs and he was silent for a few moments before responding. "You blame me for this don't you?"

Ducky sat back. "Should I?"

Gibbs was slowly becoming frustrated and went silent for a second time. "You should but you don't. I saw it in your eyes when you came to her apartment…you wanted to. But you couldn't."

"I couldn't because in a moment of weakness I believed in your cause. I believed that killing who was responsible would somehow ease the pain…but I was fooled. As were you." He pointed at his friend and waited patiently for a response.

"There's only one way to stop the pain Duck."

"But not one to way to_ ease_ it Jethro. You know that. Perhaps better than any of us…"

He shook his head. "I don't have an answer. I can't make this all better…"

"No one is asking you to."

"Come on Duck, you know damn well they came there to save me…so that maybe, just maybe, I could fix this. But I cant."

"It cannot be fixed Jethro. Abigail cannot be replaced."

"No," he replied solemnly. "She can't."

It went quiet momentarily before Ducky leaned in towards his friend. "Then perhaps our efforts should be focused on how to live without her…"

"What if I don't want live without her?"

Ducky placed a gentle hand on his arm. "None of us do my boy. That's been it all along. They searched for you because they didn't want to do it alone."

He thought back to his conversation with Ziva. "They don't need me Duck…"

"_She_ did Jethro…and you were not there." The coldness of the statement achieved its purpose. "Would you have _them_ suffer without you as well?"

Gibbs removed the hand over his wound and used it to sit himself up. "They're already suffering…"

Ducky sat up as well. "Without you."

It was then Gibbs set aside his sheets and cautiously set his feet on the ground. "Then take me to them…"


	15. Chapter 15

Before arriving at Tony's room Ducky thought it prudent to inform Gibbs of his condition. Though he had moments of clarity the morphine was still masking most of the pain. The two stood at the door way for a few moments before Gibbs took a step inside; dragging his IV stand behind him.

Ducky remained at the door as if keeping watch.

As soon as Gibbs cast his shadow over Tony's bed he opened his eyes and blinked as if he was imagining things. "Boss?"

"Yeah DiNozzo, it's me."

"Sorry," he said softly. "Bit out of it."

"It's alright." Gibbs examined his Agent carefully. "You driving the nurses crazy yet?"

Tony almost smiled. "Wish I could…but it hurts to try." He cringed momentarily before closing his eyes for a few seconds. "You okay?"

"Getting there."

He tried to look Gibbs up and down but gave up. "Probie's awake…"

He looked over at Ducky who confirmed the news with a nod and sighed outwardly. It was then he placed a hand on the bed railing to take some weight off from standing. But before he could open his mouth to speak again Tony had placed his hand over his.

"We're gonna be okay boss…"

Gibbs gave a small smile at the gesture and affirmed it by placing his other hand over top of them. "You sound awful sure of yourself Tony."

Tony used his other hand to pat his stomach. "My gut…"

Gibbs closed his eyes at the response as if absorbing the simplicity of it. His own gut had been non-existent over the past few days. There was no moral compass; no intuitive choices…he was led by pure inconsolable rage. And look what it had done. What_ he_ had done.

"I'll take your word for it." Gibbs responded with a bit of remorse.

Tony began to get a little restless and removed his hand from the railing; only to ball it up into a fist. "S-s-sorry. Hurts."

Gibbs glanced towards Ducky who appeared at his side within seconds. "I will get the nurses Anthony…they will up your dosage."

He tried to shake his head. "Then I'll be…out of it…I'd rather be awake."

Gibbs intervened. "And in pain?"

"Sometimes pain is necessary boss…" He swallowed; his teeth visibly clenched.

Gibbs once again stopped to absorb his words, unsure of how to respond.

Tony continued. "Need to be awake…need to help us…"

"Help us?" Gibbs noticed his eyes glazing over a bit.

"Need to…need to help…the boss is gone…he left us…I need to help McGee...Ziva…my team…gotta save the team…"

Gibbs looked back to see the nurses entering the room and leaned towards him. "You did it DiNozzo…you saved them." He watched his Senior Agent's eye lids begin to slide shut.

"Boss will save us…need to save the boss…"

Gibbs placed a hand on his forehead to soothe him. "I'm safe Tony."

"Kate," his voice was a whisper now. "She saved the boss….Jenny she…"

Gibbs listened to his voice trail off and stood in silence for a few moments before Ducky revealed himself.

"He will need to have the nerves surgically replaced Jethro…that will help to minimize the pain; possibly eradicate it entirely."

Gibbs didn't respond to the diagnosis. "I did this."

Ducky didn't disagree. "Nothing can be done about the past. The present however, has enough troubles of its own."

Gibbs nodded slowly before fixating back on Tony's frame. "He saved Ramiro's daughter."

"That he did."

Gibbs moved towards the door in silence before turning back. "She shouldn't have needed saving."

Ducky stepped towards him; his jaw firm. "I will not continue to listen to your regrets Jethro. We must begin to put this ordeal behind us and move forward…as painful as it may be."

"They deserve an apology."

"That they do…" he agreed. "They deserve a lot of things; particularly the assurance of you not abandoning them."

"I won't be around forever Duck."

"But you are here now. The now is all we have control over Jethro. The past is the past, and the future is a mystery. But now; in this moment you can chose to wallow in regret or decide just what your future will be…"

Gibbs sighed deeply; he couldn't remember the last time he'd allowed himself to be this vulnerable. He always made his own decisions; he was always the one who led by example…but now the tables were turning and he wasn't too sure how to handle it. He stepped into the hallway and stared aimlessly. "McGee…"

Ducky gestured with his hand and walked along side his friend. They continued a few more steps before he felt a gentle arm wrap around his shoulder…

* * *

Ziva was awakened suddenly; though she wasn't entirely sure why until she saw Gibbs appear in the doorway. She was careful not to wake McGee as she stepped down and stood between the door and his bedside.

"Get out."

The request was simple and Gibbs seemed to oblige for the moment. "I'm here to see _my_ Agent…"

"And _I_ am here to protect him. Now get out."

Ducky stepped forward. "Ziva, this is not necessary. Jethro will not hurt Timothy."

"He already has," she stated plainly. "He does not deserve their forgiveness."

Gibbs met her eyes. "I screwed up. You gonna hold it against me forever?"

"If that is what's necessary to keep them safe, yes."

He moved towards her; ignoring the physical pain suddenly hitting him. "I'm not going to keep apologizing to you."

"And I will not blindly accept it as they will. They cannot see past their loyalty to you."

He took a step closer. "And you can?"

"I can." She stated. "And I will not allow them to be drawn back into your destructive decisions."

He moved to step past her. "Unfortunately that's not up to you."

She placed a hand over his wound and applied pressure. "He is resting."

It was then a familiar voice replied softly. "I'm awake."

Gibbs gaze shifted to his Agents bedside.

McGee continued to speak. "Boss?"

The plea in his voice caused Ziva to step aside reluctantly; though she was determined to stay close.

He came into his field of vision. "I'm here Tim."

"Now." McGee answered, his tone laced with a hint of resentment. "Why did you leave us?"

He swallowed. "I made a mistake."

"But," he stopped for a moment. "But _we_ came when you needed us…and when we needed you…you were gone…"

Gibbs welcomed his words and kept silent.

"It would've been easier if you had stayed."

"What would have been McGee?"

His eyes were instantly welled with tears. "Losing _her_." He continued. "When you left all that mattered was bringing you back…but now that you're back it still hurts…I can't stop thinking about her. I cant stop thinking about going into work…I cant stop thinking about how much I want her back…how much I want her here…"

Gibbs looked on in silence as his Agent grieved, watching as Ziva placed a comforting hand in his. He was at a loss, until Tim spoke again.

"Boss?"

"Yeah McGee?"

Tim motioned for him to come closer. "Please?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Please what Tim?"

He let out a soft sob before meeting Gibbs eyes. "Please bring her back…"

It was then Tim buried his face in Gibbs chest, directly over his wound. Ducky came close as well and the three remained silent; except for the cries.

Ziva whispered softly. "Do you see what you have done?"

Gibbs didn't answer and placed a soft hand behind his Agents head. "I can't Tim…but I wont leave…" His eyes fixated on Ziva. "I _won't_ leave."


	16. Chapter 16

AN: All is well, just been a bit busier than usual. I hope you'll forgive the delay and enjoy!

----

"I won't leave," Gibbs repeated it as if it was the only phrase he was capable of speaking. His eyes remained locked on Ziva's for a full minute before he looked back down at his agent; still cradling the back of his neck. The picture of grief continued until Tim lapsed into a restful sleep. Whether it was from exhaustion or simply a way to escape the pain, it didn't matter. All that mattered now was healing.

The moment Gibbs stepped into the hallway, Ziva was at his heels.

"You are a better liar than I thought."

Gibbs contemplated ignoring the statement when he met the look in her eyes. "You doubting me David?"

"I have not stopped since the moment you left us."

He threw his good arm up in the air. "What is it that you want from me Ziva? You want me to jump in a damn time machine and take it all back? Well, I can't."

"That must have been hard for you."

"What?" He shot back.

"Saying that you _cannot_ do something. The great Leroy Jethro Gibbs…admitting he cannot fix_ everything_…"

"If anyone should know that, it's you."

Ziva came inches from his face. "I never asked you to fix anything."

Gibbs scoffed. "And what? You just asked to transfer to my team half way around the world because you liked my personality?"

She stepped back. "I should see to Tony."

He placed a hand on her arm as she tried to step past. "Who is running now?"

Ducky's presence prompted the release of her arm as she walked away. He stood at Gibbs side in silence for a few moments.

"Jethro…"

"Not now Duck."

"I am certain you will want to hear this." He ran a hand over his face and paced a bit. "Abigail's body was released this afternoon…"

Gibbs looked down. "Her funeral."

"It seems the Director is willing to provide transportation to New Orleans. The funeral is scheduled for tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow morning? Cant the family…"

"They've waited long enough Jethro." Ducky clasped his hands together. "Ziva and I will make the trip…"

"I'm going with you."

Ducky met the determination in his eyes. "You are barely fit to be walking room to room. I find it highly improbable that you will be released in time to…"

"To what?" Gibbs snapped. "To put Abby's body to rest Duck? I should be there…"

"You _should_ be healing Jethro. You are not well."

He glanced back towards McGee's room before moving slowly down the hall; his voice a soft whisper. "And I never will be."

* * *

Ziva was sitting quietly at Tony's bedside when a shadow cast itself in the door way. It took only one look in Gibbs direction before he continued down the hall; leaving her alone. A few moments later another shadow appeared, this time causing her to stand up.

"It's just me my dear," Ducky stated; attempting to calm her nerves a bit. "You arch nemesis has gone back to his room."

"He is not my enemy Doctor."

"You are certainly treating him as one."

She shook her head. "You do not want to know what I do to my enemies Ducky."

He almost smiled. "No, I'd imagine I wouldn't."

"Was there something you needed?"

He nodded. "In fact there was. I've just spoken with the Director and it seems Abigail's body is being transported to New Orleans for a proper burial. He has offered transport for those willing to take the trip. I will be attending and I thought perhaps…"

Ziva's eyes watered slightly. "With all that's happened, I'd almost forgotten."

"It's quite alright." He stepped towards her. "The funeral is tomorrow morning, the flight will be leaving at 5 am."

She glanced at her wrist. "Five hours from now yes?"

Ducky nodded. "If you'd like to stop home and get cleaned up, I can keep watch."

She glanced back at Tony. "He will not be happy when he wakes up. Perhaps we should tell them…"

"I'm afraid it is a reality they will have to face on their own." He placed a gentle hand on her arm. "Now do get cleaned up; I will be here when you return."

"I cannot."

"Cannot what my dear?"

She shook her head. "I cannot leave them."

"They would want you to go." He assured her. "To say the goodbyes they will be unable to say."

"Why me Ducky?" She stepped away in frustration. "Why was I the one left behind? Left unharmed?"

"I'm afraid I have no answer…"

"Of course not. _You_ do not have answers…_Gibbs_ cannot fix this. It is as if nothing is as it should be."

Ducky let his eyes water momentarily before a tear escaped down his face. "Perhaps nothing will be as it was Ziva, but what stands before us now is all we have."

"We have each other." She stated simply; as if doing so helped ease her frustration. "I should not be gone long."

"Take your time…I will hold down the fort as it were."

She placed a soft kiss on his cheek before moving towards Tony and doing the same. "I will be right back."

Ducky managed a small smile at the interaction before ushering her towards the door. He watched her leave before placing himself at Tony's bedside.

"I don't suppose you're in the mood for a story?'

* * *

Gibbs reached his room to find Colonel Ryan practically standing at attention near his bed.

"How are your men?"

Gibbs pulled along the IV slowly. "Loaded question sir."

"As long as you stay their leader Gunny, they'll be just fine."

"It was me as their leader that got them here sir."

Ryan shook his head before moving towards the door. "It was you _not_ being their leader that got them here..."

Gibbs watched as Ryan held out his hand. "Are you leaving sir?"

"I've done what I came to do Gunny. The rest is up to you."

Gibbs took his hand and watched him walk away before calling back. "Colonel."

"Yes?"

It was then Gibbs lifted his wounded arm and straightened himself into a salute.

Ryan reciprocated it without hesitation. "At ease Gunny…you've fought long enough."

Gibbs nodded as if receiving his last order and watched him leave. It was then he started to search around the room until he was interrupted.

"Going somewhere Probie?"

Gibbs turned back slowly. "I got a plane to catch in a few hours."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah boss, that's so."

Mike was now standing in front of him. "Don't give me that stare; I'm the one who taught you it!"

Gibbs blinked. "You came here to help me boss, so help."

"I came to make sure you didn't kill yourself; so far I've only half succeeded."

Gibbs tried to move past him but watched Mike step in stride with him. "Her funeral is tomorrow. I need to be there."

Mike gestured towards his wound. "Then they'll be putting you into the ground next to her."

Gibbs cringed at the image. "I need to be there boss. I need to be with her when they…when they…"

Franks watched as Gibbs slowly crumbled to the ground and leaned gently against the dresser. It went silent for a few moments despite his labored breathing.

"When they lower her into the ground Mike. When she's gone…I have to be there. I have to see it."

"To know she's not coming back?"

Gibbs nodded slowly. "I know she's not. I saw her…lying there on that damn floor…blood everywhere. I saw it. I _know_ she's not coming back."

"Then why Gunny?"

"Because she needs to know I'm there." He banged his head back against the dresser. "She'd know if I wasn't there."

"I think you need to get back in bed Probie."

"Don't make fun of me Mike!" His decibel grew substantially enough to draw the attention of the nurses. "I'm going boss…I'm going…"

"The only place you're going Agent Gibbs is back in bed." One of the nurses noticed the blood seeping through the bandage and motioned for more help. Gibbs could barely hold up his own weight as they lifted him back onto his bed. His speech grew more incoherent by the second.

"She'll know…if I'm not…she'll know…I have to be there…she died alone…without me…"

Mike stepped back. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

"We're giving him a sedative."

"Well that's reassuring…" Mike moved past her and came closer to his side. "Just rest Probie, I got your six."

* * *

Ziva packed the necessities in a bag after taking a less than refreshing shower. She got into her car with one specific destination in mind but when she reached it she wasn't all too sure why she'd come. She opened the door and her eyes immediately darted to the casket in the middle of the room, shards of glass scattered around it. She took a step inside and took in a long labored breath.

"I do miss you Abby…"

She continued to walk around the apartment, still not entirely sure why she was there. It was then her eyes fixated on exactly what she'd come for. After retrieving it she took a long final look at the frames donning the shelves before regrettably closing the door.

* * *

"A pint of stout?" Ducky looked down at Tony a bit confused.

Tony almost smiled; still a bit out of it. "Magnum got shot in a warehouse…he was dying…but he was walking around with his friends…then he died…and Higgins talked to him…told him a story where a soldier died and asked for a pint of stout…so when he woke up…he asked for a pint of stout…It was awesome…"

"Yes, quite."

Ziva appeared in the door way and set her bag down. "Now he is the one boring you with stories Ducky?

"Are you saying my stories are boring Ziva?"

She laughed slightly. "Never."

"Yes, well. I must go pack a bag as well…"

Tony squirmed. "Pack a bag?"

Ziva nodded as if giving him permission to go, and took his place at Tony's bedside. "How are you feeling?"

"Drugged up."

She almost smiled. "So nothing out of the ordinary then?"

"Oh you got jokes David?"

"Got jokes?"

He shook his head slowly. "Why does the Doc need a bag?"

"He is leaving…_we_ are leaving." She stopped for a moment. "We are going to Abby's funeral in Louisiana. The Director is flying us there."

Tony closed his eyes. "Sec Nav's jet?"

"Yes how did you…"

"Kate." He said simply. "When you leaving?"

"Two hours. When Ducky returns we will go." She slipped a hand nonchalantly between his. "I am sorry you cannot come with us."

"I'm sorry too." He gave her hand a squeeze. "Kiss her casket for me would ya? She'd like that."

She watched him swallow back tears. "I'm sure she would."

"You don't have to tongue it or anything…just a sweet soft kiss." He managed a trying smile. "And tell her I really miss her…_a lot_."

"I will."

He nodded. "And the Probie?"

She shook her head. "I have not told him. He is still asleep."

"I would," Tony offered, lifting up his arms and setting them back down. "If I could, but I can't."

"You will be up and around soon. I have faith."

He tried to sit up but gave up quickly. "I'll take all the faith I can get."

She continued holding his hand. "We all can…"


	17. Chapter 17

Ziva stood at her teammates doorway and debated her next step. Ducky would be arriving soon and something told her that not telling McGee would cause more harm than good. And so she took a step inside and found herself at his bedside, her hand resting on his arm. The touch alone caused him to open his blood shot eyes.

"Ziva?"

She nodded slowly. "I am here McGee."

He rubbed at his eyes before noticing the look on her face. "Something happened didn't it?"

"Well no and yes. Every one is alright, but Ducky and I will be leaving soon and I did not want you to awaken without one of us here."

"Where?"

Ziva closed her eyes as if preparing herself for his response. "We are traveling to New Orleans. Her funeral is tomorrow morning."

Before she even finished Tim was using all the strength he had to pull the IV from his arm and moving aside his blanket. Ziva was able to restrain him with little effort.

"McGee, you are hurt. Do not try and move."

Tim was practically gasping for breath. "It's not fair."

Ziva eased him back down onto his pillow. "No it is not." She knew there had to be a more comforting phrase to offer in that moment, but right then nothing mattered more than the truth. And the truth hurt.

"Why her?"

Ziva almost wished he hadn't woken him up. "I do not have an answer."

Tim slammed his head forcefully against his pillow and resisted screaming out in anguish. "Then go."

"I would take you with us if I could."

"I know."

She noticed his voice fading into an almost whisper. "Will you be alright?"

"No…" He blinked back more tears. "But life isn't fair, so it doesn't matter."

"You are not a negative person McGee, do not talk this way."

Tim pulled back his blankets and closed his eyes. "Just tell her how much I miss her…"

Ziva squeezed his arm gently. "I will, but you must promise me one thing."

He opened his eyes and let a tear escape. "What's that?"

"That you will not give up."

Tim slipped his arm up so her hand fell into his and gripped it tight. "I won't."

She placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I will be back soon."

"I'll be here…" He watched her turn to leave. "And Ziva?"

"Yes?"

"I know you might think this is a little crazy, but her Hippo, she really loved it and…"

Ziva reached inside her bag and pulled it out. "One step ahead of you McGee, do not worry, she will not be alone."

Tim managed a tired smile as he nodded his goodbye. It was then he curled up under his blanket and rightfully cried himself to sleep.

* * *

Ziva hovered outside of Gibbs room and awaited Ducky's phone call. It wasn't long before the man standing guard at his bedside joined her in the hall way.

"Looking to yell at him one more time before you go?"

Ziva considered walking away before deciding against it. "If you would prefer me yelling at you I could manage that."

"You don't scare me young lady; in fact, I haven't met a woman yet with that ability."

"Give it time."

He stifled a laugh. "Any particular reason you've put a target on my Probies back?"

"He has made decisions that put the members of my team in danger."

Mike glanced back into the room before meeting her eyes. "Ah, that's only half the truth. You've been looking at him like a woman who's resented him for a more than just this…"

"You do not know me."

"No," he shook his head. "But don't let the grey hair fool ya; I'm beginning to think I'm getting more perceptive with age."

"Perhaps you are mistaking perception with stupidity?"

"It's possible. About as possible as you not holding more than just that shootout against the Gunny…"

Ziva glanced at her phone as if beckoning it to ring. "You are in under your head."

"Over." He corrected just as he took a step towards her. "And I think you've got me confused with someone else."

"And who is that?"

"Yourself," he pointed at her. "Now you do what you have to do; but don't you forget what the man in that room has done for you…or have you already forgotten when he left my roof in Mexico to ride in on a white horse and save your butt?"

She stepped away from him. "What he has done for me is irrelevant. All that matters is…"

"All that matters…" He interrupted abruptly. "Is that the Probie would do anything for any damn one of you… So the next time you drag him through hell maybe you should try and remember that."

She opened her mouth to respond when her phone rang. She answered it and after speaking a few words she closed it and reached for her bag. "Regardless of what you may think of me; I am determined to ask you a favor. I was hoping that perhaps in my absence you would…" She stopped herself. "Nevermind."

"If you think that I wouldn't put Gibbs people over how I feel about you. Than you're wrong. But then it wouldn't be the first time you were wrong about someone now would it?"

Ziva took a few steps away before turning back. "Then you will look out for them yes?"

He gave a quiet nod. "You and the doc have a nice flight. Give my condolences to her family."

She nodded slowly and made her way to the exit to find Ducky holding the passenger side door open for her. "Ready my dear?"

Ziva swallowed hard. "As ready as I will ever be."


	18. Chapter 18

_AN: Flashbacks in Italics. The Flashbacks consist of what took place the night Abby was shot and will go back and forth from the present time. _

_--_

_Anthony DiNozzo entered his apartment and threw down his things in their usual place when his cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number but figured he would just hang up if he didn't like who answered…it wasn't long before he wished he'd done just that…_

"_DiNozzo…" His eyes blinked a few times as he took in the slue of information being offered to him. "Why is this an NCIS problem?" He questioned; his stomach starting to churn nervously. When he heard the response, it was only seconds before he reached out for the wall behind him to ease himself to the ground. "You're sure she's…I mean you've checked the body, you're absolutely sure?" _

"_We're sure Tony, as soon as I arrived at the scene I thought I should call…"_

_Tony swallowed; his eyes closing for a few seconds with the vain hope that when he opened them this would all be a bad dream. He was wrong. "I uh…did you…have you called my office?" _

"_No, I figured common courtesy super ceded protocol here. I'll keep the scene until you arrive. I'm sorry man." _

"_Yeah…" he managed his throat suddenly dry. _

_He closed the phone and resisted the urge to throw it across his living room. Instead he gathered himself long enough to make one phone call that he never in his life wanted to make…_

* * *

Anthony DiNozzo opened his eyes and was once again hit with the cold reality of life as he knew it. A small part of him clung to the notion that every time he opened his eyes there was still a chance he'd be dreaming. But with each disappointment the pain in his heart grew while that small part of hope dwindled away. As he pulled at his sheets his mind remembered that Ziva had to be gone and wished more than anything he was with her…

* * *

"_Do you not get enough of me at work Tony?"_

_He had hoped her voice would soothe him, but that would be the first of many shattered hopes to come. "Ziva…"_

_The sound of his voice alarmed her immediately. "What is it?" _

"_There's been a shooting…coffee bean downtown…three dead." _

_She searched her brain for the significance of that shop but it escaped her. "How are we involved?" _

_Tony's eyes filled with tears instantly. "Abby was there." _

"_Tell me she was a witness Tony." She swallowed. "Please let me she was a witness." _

_He shook his head before realizing she couldn't see him. "No…"_

_The one word response told her all she needed to know. She stood up tall as if at attention and cleared her throat. "Have you told…"_

"_No…"_

_She could almost sense the fear in his voice. "I am closer to McGee's. I will stop by; he should not be told over the phone. Someone should be with him." _

_Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah…"_

_His short responses worried her. "Will you be alright driving there?" _

"_Um…yeah." His mind blanked momentarily. "Gibbs, I'll uh, I'll tell Gibbs." _

_Ziva closed her eyes as if praying silently. "We will be alright." _

_Then came the response that's tone spoke more than its words. "I hope so..."_

* * *

"Are you comfortable?" Ducky glanced at his counterpart who hadn't said more than two words the entire flight.

Ziva removed her gaze from the window to nod graciously. "I am fine."

"Perhaps you'd like something to drink? Help calm the nerves?"

She shook her head. "I am afraid there is no use in calming my nerves Ducky. In fact, I am not entirely sure I have ever had calm nerves…"

"I see. Well then, you won't mind if I uh…" he gestured towards the various bottles beneath the cupboard.

"By all means."

He poured himself a fair amount in a glass before noticing her gaze had once again returned to the window. "The wing isn't on fire is it?"

The attempt at levity almost made her smile. "I was thinking about Abby."

"Ah yes," he took a sip from his glass. "I have been doing much of the same. Anything in particular?"

She looked upward towards the sky. "I cannot help but wonder if she was scared...when it all happened. I so wish I could have been there."

"I believe we all do my dear. I want to believe it was over rather quickly; her wounds certainly suggested so. But I try not to remember her with no life…but with the life that once streamed out of her."

She felt tears appearing in her eyes. "I have known many who were killed in an instant…with no prior warning. I often wonder if they somehow knew that death was immanent."

"It sounds as though that question haunts you?"

She tried to fight back the tears but wasn't entirely sure why. "I was taught strength from a very young age. I never understood why it had been drilled into me until I was of age to understand the tragedies I would face. It was in those moments I clung to the inner strength I had cultivated…but when Tony phoned me that night and told me Abby had been killed…" She then realized her attempt at fighting was futile and let the tears come. "I need more strength, but I do not know how to attain it."

Ducky placed himself at her side. "I realize that no one may have spoken this to you before," he reached for her chin and moved her gaze from the window to him. "But allowing one's self to be weak is far greater than any strength one can have."

"I cannot allow it." She wiped at her tears before reaching for Ducky's drink and taking down its contents. "There is strength and there is weakness. And we cannot afford weakness right now Ducky. We simply cannot."

"We?"

"You," she pointed. "Tony, McGee, Gibbs…we cannot afford to be weak. We must fight through our grief, and we must remain strong. It is the only way to get through this."

"Perhaps it was a method _you_ had to construct; in order to get through the tragedies you've faced. But there are other ways Ziva." He watched her remain silent as if expecting him to continue. "If one doesn't allow themselves weakness they will crumble. It may not happen right away but eventually it happens to all of us."

"It has happened to you?"

"Yes my dear, it has."

* * *

"_Duck."_

_His stomach churned at the tone in his voice but he only assumed that duty called. "Do we have a body Jethro?" _

"_Abby's dead."_

_  
The lack of tact in delivering such news was expected but surely he could have managed something softer, gentler, anything. "No," he shot back. "You would not joke about something of this nature…you wouldn't…you wouldn't…" he repeated the phrase a few more times before his friend broke his train of thought with a location. "You are certain?" _

"_It's her Duck." _

"_Dear God," he closes his eyes momentarily. "Are you…well of course you're not alright, but how…why…"_

"_Just meet us there." _

_The lack of emotion in his friend's voice pierced him. "Alright…" He closed his phone and found it hard to stand up, let alone focus. His knees buckled at the thought of Abigail lifeless…it was then he sobbed violently as if getting out what he needed to function. As he regained an ounce of strength he managed to get as far as his car before slamming his hands on the steering wheel and weeping what felt like endless tears…_

* * *

"I will not presume to tell you how to grieve for her Ziva, but I can only share what I have learned through many years of tragedies that have donned my tables. And that's that there is no simple equation, only time itself."

"It has been many years since…" she stopped herself. "And I feel as though I can still grieve as if it were yesterday."

"But it wasn't yesterday my dear."

A few moments of silence passed. "Do you suppose we _will_ be alright?"

He let a tear dry on his face. "We have to be."

* * *

Mike Franks had been posted at Gibbs bedside in fear that he would wake up even angrier than he was before. And it wasn't long before his fear became a reality.

"Damnit Mike…let me go!"

"The hell I will Probie…now settle down…"

He shook his head furiously. "Let me go to her Mike…"

The nurses couldn't sedate Gibbs fast enough and Franks was once again left with nothing to do, but wonder what reel was playing behind his friends eyelids. That was until he was joined by an unfamiliar voice.

* * *

_Ziva arrived at Tim's apartment and hesitated for a full minute before knocking. It was only seconds before she was face to face with her partner. _

"_Ziva?"_

_She had done well to keep from crying during the ride there to avoid any unnecessary fear for Tim, but soon realized it was useless. "McGee, I have some…well…I have some bad news." _

_Tim opened the door fully and let her inside. "Vance isn't breaking us up again is he?"_

"_No." _

"_Good, cuz I don't think I could take another shock like that again." He finally noticed the look in her eyes. "What's happened?" _

"_Abby, she was hurt." _

_Tim didn't wait for an explanation before grabbing his jacket. "Then why'd you waste your time coming here? I could've met you at the hospital…what happened? Car accident? Is she okay? Broken bones? Concussion? What?" _

_He was half way down the hall when she finally stopped him. "There was a shooting McGee…"_

"_Shooting? What?!" _

_The decibel of his voice startled even her. "At the coffee shop she frequents." _

_Tim put his hand up. "Let's just go the hospital okay, we're wasting time here…" _

_She gripped tightly to his arm and stopped him a second time. "She is not at the hospital Tim…" _

"_No…" His lips quivered slightly. "Oh God, please don't tell me…don't tell me she's….she's not right? She was just nicked by a bullet and she's waiting at the scene for us….she's not…she can't be…" He couldn't even form the four letter word. "Okay listen…I don't want to hear another word…just take me to her. She's not…not until I see her…she's not…" _

* * *

_Tony arrived at Gibbs door and let himself in. He expected to find his boss slaving over his boat but was surprised to find him washing dishes in the kitchen. He'd wracked his brain on the ride over for the right words but when he saw his face, all he could do was cry…_

_Gibbs shut the water off abruptly. "DiNozzo?" He approached him in the dim light before noticing his body language and more importantly the tears. "What is it?" He waited impatiently as Tony continued to stand there in silence. "Damnit Tony…what is it?"_

_The younger Agent took in a long breath and with its release let out a sob; followed by a barely audible… "Abby." _

_Gibbs shook his head as if not comprehending what he'd said. "What?" _

_Tony looked up at him and set his jaw firm. "Abby." _

_Gibbs heart jumped in his chest as his mind ran through all the possibilities. "Is she hurt?" _

_Tony shook his head side to side before nodding it up and down. His shoulders suddenly gripped by Gibbs' hands. "She's gone boss…"_

_He released his grip. "She's gone?" He stumbled a few steps back and steadied himself on the counter. "Gone?" _

_Tony used his sleeve to dry his eyes and restore some of his vision. "There was a shooting…she was DOA boss…" _

_Dead on arrival. Gibbs knew what it meant but he didn't want to believe it. He took a knife out of the pile of dishes and intentionally cut his hand. You can't bleed in dreams; and he had to be dreaming. As he watched the blood drip from his hand he felt his chest start to constrict and was overwhelmed by the sudden need to see her. "Take me there." _

* * *

Franks drowned out the words Gibbs was managing as he slipped of consciousness and focused on the elderly man who'd just entered the room.

"And you are?"

The man approached Gibbs bedside. "I'm his Father…"


	19. Chapter 19

Ducky stood close to Ziva as they awaited the arrival of their car. It felt as though time was standing still and everyone surrounding them was moving at the speed of light. In that moment he slipped his hand inside that of the woman beside him and squeezed tight. And little did he know that it was all the assurance she needed.

* * *

Franks had left Jackson on Gibbs watch while he hovered back and forth between McGee and Tony's rooms. It was after the ninth or tenth pass that he was tempted for a cigarette. But that urge was momentarily curbed by the faint sound of his name.

He entered Timothy McGee's room with some hesitation, not entirely sure what to expect. "How ya feeling kid?"

Tim searched his mind for the right word. "Abject misery fits."

Franks examined his eyes. "A cool cloth will help the puffiness you know?"

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience?"

Mike nodded slowly. "We all are kid."

"Not a kid." He spoke as politely as he could given his current state.

"Understood." Franks replied with a nod before glancing awkwardly around the room. "You called me in here; did you need something?"

"Gibbs…" Tim stated plainly. "How is he?"

"Step up from abject misery…he's sedated."

McGee would've reacted physically if he had the energy. "Who's with him?"

Franks picked up on his tone quickly. "Relax…seems the Probie's pops made the trip." He then watched a flash of relief pass over him. "You look pleased…"

"I don't_ look_ anything right now…" He sighed deeply. "Just glad someone's with him."

"Has anyone called _your _parents?" Franks asked, though he wasn't entirely sure why he was getting so personal.

Little did he know that Tim was wondering that same thing. "Ziva did. I spoke with 'em a little while ago."

"They ain't making the trip up?"

Tim shook his head slowly. "Told them I didn't need them to."

"Yeah, you're doing just peachy."

"Hey," Tim suddenly raised his decibel a bit. "I know what I need better than you do alright?."

Franks put his hands up. "Easy there bub, you're the one who called me in here. Just say the word and I'm a memory."

Tim ran a hand over his face and took in a breath. "Just…just tell the boss me and Tony are hanging on."

"So you want me to lie to him?"

Tim looked intently into his eyes. "Anything to keep _him_ from needing that cold cloth."

"Still protecting him eh kid?"

Only Tim didn't answer; he simply turned his head and pressed the nurse call button. What he needed now was a cold damp cloth, and _anything_ to stop the pain. But something told him that the only thing that would was a person…a person he would never see again.

* * *

Tony stared wide eyed at the ceiling as the Doctor went on and on about surgery. And considering his next of Kin was sedated down the hallway, he had to be fully informed. After giving consent he practically begged for more morphine. _Anything_ to stop the pain. The nurse returned with what he'd asked for; but also with what he hadn't. A cold damp cloth.

* * *

Gibbs had just barely opened his eyes when Jackson appeared at his side. "Easy son."

"Dad?"

"In the flesh," he said gently, hoping to soothe him somehow. "Please try to stay calm, don't want those nurses knocking you out again."

Gibbs clasped his eye lids shut as if savoring the darkness before opening them fully. "Take me to her Dad."

"Leroy…"

Gibbs interrupted abruptly. "Just take me to her. Why is that so hard?"

He placed a soft hand over his son's wound. "You're hurt."

"She's dead." He stated plainly; his teeth visibly clenched. "Please?"

"I can't."

Gibbs eased himself back down as if giving up. "They're gonna put her in the ground without me being there…do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

Jackson swallowed hard. "No son, I don't."

"Well it hurts like hell." He slammed his fist into the bed and watched his Father step to his right as if blocking the outburst from the nurses. "Ziva called you…"

"How did you know?"

"Cuz the rest of my team is shot up down the hall."

He sat down slowly. "_You_ could've called."

"No time."

"Too busy tracking down her killer no doubt? Get to taste sweet revenge did you Leroy?"

Gibbs gaze left his Father and traveled to his wound. "Doesn't matter."

"And what does?"

"That _I'm_ here," he pointed downward at the bed. "And _she's_ not. So we can skip the father son consoling…because nothing is gonna change that."

It was then Jackson reached into his back pocket and pulled out a photograph. "Found this in your jeans…" He glanced up at him. "You were out an awful long time; I got a little bored."

Gibbs almost smiled as he took it. He lifted his hand and grazed a finger over her face. "Abs…" He said softly as he stared relentlessly at her face. "God I miss you…"

Jackson stood quietly as he took in the sight. "She was a beautiful woman."

Gibbs simply nodded as his eyes began to be blurred by his own tears. "I should be with her Dad."

"She isn't in the ground son; she's here." He pointed over his wounded heart; in more ways than one.

Gibbs blinked away his tears and swallowed hard. "What did I do?"

"I don't understand son."

"Why her?"

Jackson had expected the question; but still didn't have an answer. "Whatever the reason; it has nothing to do with anything you've done. It's a sad part of life…"

"No," Gibbs regained his composure. "Its more than a _part_ of my life Dad, it's the damn axle on which it turns…"

"So it is. What now? You just give up? Prove death wrong, by joining it?"

"Easier than living with it."

Jackson nodded slowly. "And that Leroy will be the death of _you_."

Gibbs went silent for a moment as he fixated once again on the photo; bringing it gently to his lips. "Wish I could kiss you one last time…"

His father watched in silence as a seemingly composed Gibbs crumbled right before his eyes. It was then he found his son cradled in his arms as if he was a little boy…the echoes of his sobs emanating into the hallway; drawing staff to his door within seconds. All of them knowing that no amount of medicine could heal the loss he'd suffered, but one raced away for something she hoped would bring _some _comfort…

A cold damp cloth.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Sorry for the long delay. Hope to have more up soon! Enjoy!

------

Ducky rarely let go of Ziva's hand as the morning progressed. There was little conversation exchanged between them until they arrived at the service.

"Are you ready my dear?"

"Are you?"

Ducky leaned back as he watched the procession of people enter the church. "I feel as though my heart is breaking into tiny miniscule pieces…to be truthful."

She placed a hand over his heart. "It will heal."

"I surely hope so." He returned the gesture with a small smile. "I never imagined I'd live to see this day."

She glanced out the window as well; her mind returning to the ones they'd left behind. "Seems staying alive will always be the harder choice yes?"

Ducky knew instinctively who she was referring to. "It certainly seems that way my dear."

It was then the car door was opened and the two were ushered out towards the chapel; the sun shining over them as if they were the only ones present.

* * *

"Let it out son," Jackson soothed his child as best he could. "There now, you'll be alright…"

Gibbs pulled away briefly. "I can't see it."

"Can't see what son?"

"Life…_without _her." He let his head rest back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. "I couldn't see it then…with Shannon, with Kelly…I can't see it now."

"You made it then Leroy. You'll make it now."

"And if I don't want to?"

Jackson forced Gibbs to meet his eyes. "I know you didn't listen to me much as a boy…but if you ever choose to listen to a word I say, it should be right now…that young girl loved you…and you know damn well she wouldn't want you giving up. So I don't care if you want to or not, my boy has never been a quitter, and he sure aint starting now."

Gibbs let the words soak in before managing an almost invisible smile. "A thousand words when a few will do…"

Jackson nodded slowly. "You will _not _give up Leroy."

Gibbs lip quivered slightly. "You uh, planning to stay a while?"

"As long as you need son."

For Gibbs to _need _anything; let a lone admit it was a step he didn't see himself taking. But something inside him had changed.

"I'd like that."

* * *

"I know the man in the room beside him is a friend. He is always asking about him…" One of the shift nurses, Janie, offered while a few others discussed Tony's condition. "I'm sure he'd like to talk to him before he went into surgery…"

"Can Mr. McGee walk?"

"Not quite yet, but we could roll him in…it's just a thought." She gave a shrug of her shoulders and waited for the others to respond.

"We should be preparing him for surgery, not arranging conversation."

"I disagree," Janie responded quickly. "Mind, body and spirit right? Agent DiNozzo is probably lacking in all three at the moment. The least we could do is give him a little comfort that surpasses the morphine." She finished her point and watched as a few others followed her into McGee's room; to do just that.

* * *

Tony blinked open his eyes to see his partner smiling at him. "I must be dreaming."

Tim tried to sit up. "Why's that?"

"For starters; we're both in beds and we're both lying next to each other. Two things that would never happen in reality…"

"Believe it."

Tony watched as his partners smile began to fade. "That was the other reason…"

"What?"

"You were smiling…" he said simply and concluded that nothing more needed to be said. "You here to see me off?"

Tim nodded slowly. "Nurses said you could use a friend."

Tony almost smiled. "Well, its not every day surgeons explore your spinal nerves."

"You'll be alright."

"You sound awful sure of yourself Probie…you got some inside information I don't know about?"

Tim smiled his first genuine smile in days. "Let's just say hope isn't as foreign of a notion as it used to be."

"Still pretty foreign to me." He stated simply. "But I guess it's we have huh?"

"Yeah…" he swallowed the lump forming in his throat and closed his eyes briefly. "So do us all a favor and come out of this surgery okay?"

Tony picked up on the pleading in his voice. "I'll do what I can…I promise."

Tim gazed out into the hall way at his response and watched people pass back and forth near the entrance. "Funny isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Feels like the whole world should stop you know? But it doesn't. It just keeps twirling on its axis…while we struggle to move forward…without her."

Tony could hear the strain in his voice. "It _is_ kind of surreal isn't it?"

"I only wish it _was_."

It was then Tony lifted his hand and let it rest across his railing; not quite able to reach his partners. Tim slowly but surely did the same and both their hands clasped together. "I'm not going anywhere man…"

Tim nodded and let a tear escape down his face. "Hope right?"

Tony clenched their hands together tighter. "Hope, Probie…_hope_."

* * *

"Hope…" Donald Mallard began his closing words on Abby's behalf and looked out into the saddened eyes of the crowd. "A foreign concept in today's world. A word that rests along side that of faith and love. And still; the greatest of these is love. But why not hope? Why not faith? What is it about love that we deem it able to conquer all? I believe the answer to that question now lies before us. A woman who embodied the essence of true love that we all long for…" he took in a long labored breath as he fought to remain stoic.

"Anyone who'd had the privilege of meeting our dear Abigail would say she had a way about her…that her mere presence in a room would affect everyone in it. I for one can attest to that truth. Never in my storied life have I met a woman whose mere smile could literally bring…_hope_." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment before continuing."And so we are left with a charge…one I believe Abby would endow to us...That we would live our lives with the same faith, hope and love that she so willingly offered to each of us." He placed a soft hand on her casket before letting a tear roll free down his face. "It is in carrying out this charge that we will allow a part of Abigail to remain inside us always..."

It was then he fell to one knee and allowed himself a few more tears before whispering only to her. "I loved you dearly…and _that_…will never die." He kissed the casket softly before standing up and allowing others to do what he never thought he could…

Say goodbye.


	21. Chapter 21

**_AN: Flashbacks In Italics_**

------

Ziva rested a hand on the casket and slid her eyes shut.

"_Are you sure you want to see her McGee?" _

_Tim moved past her before she could even finish and sprinted towards the scene. He only caught a glimpse of Tony and Gibbs before letting his eyes fall on her body. "Abby…" _

_Ziva arrived behind him at the exact moment he began to faint. She eased him down to ground but continued to cradle his head in her hands. "I am here Tim…" She looked up to see the others appear at his side. "We are all here…" _

She opened her eyes and watched her tears drop slowly onto the steel. "McGee wanted me to share how much he misses you, although I am certain you already knew how much he loved you…" She reached inside her bag and placed the stuffed hippo within the black rose petals. "He made sure I brought this for you as well…he did not want you to be alone…"

Her emotions began to overwhelm her ability to fight them so she once again clenched her eyes lids shut.

_She was the first face he saw when he came to. _

"_Abby…Abby…Abby!" He yelled the last cry and looked around frantically. _

"_She is gone Tim." _

_It was then she held him close to her, doing all she could to bring comfort. But knowing too well how little of an effect she was having. Tony arrived and placed a soft hand on McGee's shoulder before joining him in his tears. _

"Tony misses you as well…they are both very sorry they could not be here but…" She leaned down and let her lips meet the casket gently. "That was from Tony…" She then placed her Star of David within the cascade of petals. "And this is from me…Shalom Abby…"

Before she could say more she chose not to fight her emotions any longer and rightfully began to cry. Ducky was quick to appear at her side and let her head rest on his shoulder as she grieved. And was soon releasing tears of is own. Both unsure of how to express the wishes of the other missing member of their team. And so they left regrettably; knowing full well that neither could…

* * *

Timothy McGee had managed to go a full thirty seconds without thinking of her, and began to wonder if the pain in his chest would ever lessen. He'd lost people in his life before, but never anyone as close as her. It was then he foolishly vowed to never let anyone get that close again; a false realization but a natural one. He then began to wonder how the parents of victims manage to move forward, or the children who have lost someone. If they could it, so could he right? It was then the next thirty seconds passed and he let his imagination take him where he longed to be…

_She placed her arms across his chest and clasped them together. _

"_Thought you had to ask permission first?" _

_She smiles slowly. "Never with you Tim." _

Tears welled in his eyes for the fifth time that hour as he placed a soft hand over his heart. "God, I miss you…"

* * *

"When will your two friends be returning?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Flights only a couple hours…maybe tonight."

"If you'd like I could take the trip with you when you're well enough…"

He nodded but chose not to respond.

"So," he awkwardly continued. "How is the Challenger running?"

Gibbs took a moment as if switching gears in his head. "Good."

"I could take care of things at your house while your mending…maybe take the car for a cruise or two to keep it humming."

"Sounds fine."

"I suppose the front door is still unlocked?" He watched his son nod slowly. "Could never figure out if you do that cuz you're stubborn or because you're too damn trusting."

"Probably a little bit of both…"

"Your Mother…now there was a trusting woman. She would've let a group of ex-cons stay in our basement…then still yell at me if the liquor was missing." He gave a trying laugh and watched Gibbs look away towards the window. "I suppose trust has to be earned, doesn't it son?"

Gibbs remained silent for a few moments before responding. "Been burned way too many times to give the benefit of the doubt like Mom could…"

"Well now, she was a special case, you have to remember."

"Some would say the same about me."

Jackson smiled slowly. "Nothing unique about a man who trusts himself more than others Leroy…"

"Spoken like a true selfish bastard…" Gibbs offered in his usual manner and brought his eyes back to his Father.

"People can change Jethro."

Gibbs nodded slowly. "Yeah, people…"

"But not you?"

"The last time I changed…I'm not so sure it was for the better."

Jackson sat up in his chair. "Tell that to the SOB's you put behind bars."

"And my three ex-wives." Gibbs added. "Me changing would only be worse for everyone…"

"I highly doubt that…" He thought for a moment. "I'm sure your team won't be needing the tough boss they've become accustomed to, after something like this…"

"I don't know any other way…"

"The hell you don't." Jackson countered. "Who you became after Shannon and Kelly is not who you always were…the side of you Abby saw…that is the real Leroy Jethro Gibbs…the gentle side." He pointed at himself. "Not the bastard side."

Gibbs ran a hand over his face but said nothing.

"The bastard side will always be safer Jethro…but then what kind of life will that be? Those kids need you…hell; they risked their lives so they wouldn't be without you."

It was then Gibbs managed a response. "I don't have all the answers they need."

"Who said they need anything more than just _you_ Leroy?"

Gibbs took in the statement and let his eyes once again return to the window. His mind taking him to the night when one of them needed him more than anything…

_He reached out to touch her but hesitated. Then eventually leaned in close… "I'm sorry I wasn't here Abs…" He moved back and realized that one of his hands was resting in a pool of blood. Tony handed him a towel but he refused it. It was then he rejected all protocol and placed a warm kiss on her forehead. "My girl…" He whispered softly. "I'm so sorry…"_

"I wasn't there then…" Gibbs turned back.

Jackson met his eyes. "But you are now."

* * *

Ducky ushered Ziva into the car and took his place beside her.

"I suppose the worst is over yes?"

The Doctor contemplated for a moment as he watched the rest of the procession enter their cars. "One could say so, but one may also say, that the worst is yet to come…"

* * *

"Yes Mr. McGee?"

Tim glanced to his right. "Hey, sorry to bother you. I was just wondering if you could tell me anything about my partners condition?"

Janie hesitated for a moment. "Unfortunately patient privacy only allows next of kin to be informed…but I do know that this surgery can take quite some time. I doubt there is any information readily available…" She watched Tim sigh deeply before turning away. "But I'll see if my eaves dropping skills are still as sharp as they used to be…"

McGee turned back. "I uh, wouldn't want you to get in trouble. I'll just wait till he's out of surgery."

Janie looked through a few sheets on her clip board. "Do you know a Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

Tim's face fell. "Why? Is he alright? Please tell me he's alright."

"Oh no, he's fine. It's only that he is listed as Mr. DiNozzo's next of kin. Perhaps he'd be willing to share the information with you…"

"So he knows that Tony's in surgery?"

"He should have been told by now; his condition seems to have stabilized."

Tim sat up. "Is there any chance I could…get up and walk around soon?"

She reached the end of his bed and glanced through his chart. "I don't see why not but I will have to check with your Doctor. Although, I don't think you'll be running the 50 yard dash anytime soon."

"I don't think I'll be doing much at all anytime soon…" his voice was barely audible.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, uh, nothing…but thanks for asking for me. I'd really like to move around a little."

Janie nodded with a smile. "I will let you know soon."

"Thank you…" Tim responded genuinely and almost managed a smile.

"Keep trying…" she said gently. "You'll remember how to smile soon enough, just don't give up."

He nodded and watched Janie leave; only to realize it had been a full three minutes since he'd thought of _her_…

* * *

Franks set a bag down beside the door and stepped inside.

"Hope I aint interrupting anything."

Jackson stood up and eyed his son as if assuring him that what they'd discuss would stay between them. "Just talking cars."

"Cars?" Franks questioned but didn't pry. "Well Probie…"

Gibbs interrupted him and gestured towards the bag. "You deserting me Mike?"

"Hell, you just say the word and I'll stay Probie, you know that."

Jackson moved towards the door. "I'm gonna grab a coffee."

"The cafeteria is your best bet…these machines put out an awful brew." Mike offered, and stepped aside to let him exit before moving towards Gibbs. "You never mentioned you had a Father."

Gibbs shrugged. "You never asked."

"True."

"Mission accomplished eh boss?"

"Mission aint never accomplished with you Probie…I learned that early."

Gibbs sat up slowly. "Next time I call, I'll try to have some good news."

Mike put his hand out and watched Gibbs take hold of it. "You got some good people around you Probie…you'll be alright. You always were."

"Thanks for coming Mike…if you hadn't…"

"I did." He interrupted him. "Just don't make it all for nothing…"

Gibbs nodded and released his hand. "I won't..."

Mike moved towards the door and lifted his bag. "My offer still stands…that roof aint gonna fix itself you know?"

"Yeah…" Gibbs waved and let the look on his face express what never needed to be said between them.

Just as Mike left, Gibbs watched a nurse enter and a familiar face appear behind her. "Tim?"

"Hey boss…"


	22. Chapter 22

Tim lingered at the door by request of the nurse and watched in silence as she explained Tony's condition to Gibbs. It wasn't long before…

"Why in the hell am I hearing about this now?"

The nurse stepped back at the decibel. "You were sedated at the time Agent Gibbs."

He let out a deep sigh before glancing over her shoulder towards McGee. It was then he did something a bit different. "I shouldn't have yelled. It wasn't your fault…if it's possible could you update me on his condition as it changes?"

She almost smiled. "Will do sir."

"Thank you."

At her exit, Tim came fully into the room, slowly but surely. "You doing okay boss?"

"Better…you?" He gestured towards the seat for his Agent to sit down.

He did so. "Okay."

Gibbs could see how trying the last few days had been with one look in his eyes. He imagined Tim had been crying himself to sleep each night at the very least. "Sleeping okay?"

"In small doses…can't seem to get the full nights sleep thing down yet." His tone was soft and almost weak.

"It'll come in time."

And before Tim really considered his response; he said it. "You would know huh?" He cringed. "Boss, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said…"

"No, McGee…you're right." He looked away for a moment before turning back. "In fact, I wish I could tell you that the pain will stop in a few months, or even a few years. But it won't."

"I didn't think it would."

Gibbs examined him and somehow deduced the next question he would ask. "You scared McGee?"

Tim looked down, the last thing he needed was a 'suck it up' lesson from Gibbs. But he also couldn't muster up enough nerve to lie. "Yes, I am."

"So am I."

McGee looked up immediately, almost unsure of what he'd heard. "You're scared boss?" He watched him nod. "What are you afraid of?"

"Name it."

Tim swallowed. "I didn't think you got scared…"

"Why's that?"

"Well, cuz everyone else always seems scared of _you_." He thought back. "I know I was."

"Are you still?"

Tim looked down a second time. "I don't know, I mean, I don't think so…" He searched his mind. "Abby wasn't."

Gibbs' chest constricted. "She wasn't afraid of a lot of things. Except us ending up in a hospital…she'd probably be in the psych ward right now if she was still here."

Tim almost smiled. "You're probably right…"

"I only wish I was."

McGee slowly but surely stood up. "I don't want to wish anymore boss…I don't want to close my eyes and pray that when I open them she'll be there…I want to believe that we will be okay…are we gonna be okay boss?"

Gibbs met his eyes. "You have to ask yourself that question Tim."

"But I'm asking you." His tone suddenly became strong. "I didn't get shot trying to save you so I could ask myself that question boss…I did it because if you say no...then it's over."

"And if I say yes?"

"Then there's hope," Tim replied simply.

Gibbs swallowed hard. "We will get through this McGee…even if I have to go through hell and back…"

McGee's eyes instantly welled with tears. "I thought it would help."

"What Tim?"

"When you said it, I thought it would help take away the pain…" He put a hand over his heart. "But it's still there."

It was then Gibbs threw off his sheets and slowly eased himself upright and onto the floor. "I'm not God, McGee."

"I know…"

Gibbs forced his feet to move towards him. "Tim look at me." He watched his Agent slowly lift his head. "Don't you dare be ashamed of those tears you hear me?"

"Yes, boss." His lip clearly quivered.

"The pain feels like it's gonna tear you limb from limb. It hurts to breathe sometimes…but I promise you that there is something stronger than the pain." He placed a soft hand on his shoulder. "_You _McGee…the pain will try to convince you that you'll never sleep…that you'll never be able to live life without her…but it's wrong."

"But it feels right."

"Emotions Tim, not reality." He shook his head slowly. "I'm looking down the same black hole you are…and damnit, I aint letting either of us go down there."

McGee swallowed hard. "I don't know how to fight it..."

It was then Gibbs pulled him into a soft embrace. "Then I'll fight for you…"

* * *

Jackson lingered in the hall way as he watched the scene unfold. Perhaps the tender side of his son hadn't died with Shannon and Kelly after all. He continued to watch when he was approached by a nurse.

"Are you a family member of Agent Gibbs?"

"I'm his Father, yes."

"I'm Janie Ashton; I'm one of Agent McGee & DiNozzo's nurses." She gestured inside. "I realize that this may sound trite, but I was hoping you could shed some light on their emotional state? I don't feel its my place to ask them outright…but it may help us bring them a step closer to healing physically and…"

Jackson smiled at her. "I know I'm from a small town, but nurses don't normally take such an interest in patients do they?"

"I have heard him crying himself to sleep at night…and I've wanted to go inside and offer comfort but I'm unsure how. I suppose others may see my job as purely professional but my Mother always said that if the heart isn't well, the body won't be far behind."

He pulled her aside and spoke simply. "They lost a dear friend. A co-worker…but don't assume they simply worked together. They are much like a family…I didn't know her well, but my son was very fond of her."

"It seems as though they all were."

"She was precious…and while I was afraid of how they would move on. I see now, that it might not be as scary as I imagined." He gestured inside the room and noticed the embrace hadn't broken.

"Your son must be the Father of this little family…"

Jackson almost smiled. "Yes, I imagine that he is…let's just hope he's a better Father than his old man."

Janie placed a soft hand on his shoulder. "Somehow I doubt the apple fell very far from the tree," she moved down the hallway. "Thank you for sharing."

Jackson fixated once again on the image inside the room. "You're welcome…"

* * *

"There is no need to jump to conclusions." Ducky tried to reassure her. "Perhaps there is something wrong with their room phones."

"In both of their rooms? I do not think so."

"I assume you tried Jethro's room?" He watched her hesitate. "Ziva, what will it take for you to let this go?"

"Let it go? He abandoned us Ducky…ran off on his own little adventure and left us on a wild goose chase…which resulted in potential loss of life, of not only his but innocent people."

"And you don't think he is sorry?"

"I do not care if he is sorry. Eventually men like him must learn that fighting alone causes more harm than good."

"Men like Ari?"

Her eyes turned cold. "And we saw the damage he wrought yes?"

Ducky nodded solemnly. "That we did. But _he_ did not feel remorse…Jethro has."

"As he should."

He countered quickly. "How long do you plan on holding this against him?"

"Who said I would ever stop?"


	23. Chapter 23

_AN: Chapter Inspired by Hold My Heart, by Tenth Avenue North. "One tear in the dropping rain....One voice in a sea of pain...Could the Maker of the stars, Hear the sound of my breaking heart?"_

_------_

Gibbs actually managed to get some real sleep while Tim took to wandering the halls a bit. Though he didn't get as far as he'd wanted.

"Agent McGee?" Janie placed a soft hand on his arm. "Your room is this way."

Tim's eyes were still a bit blood shot. "I'd like to keep walking around. Helps occupy my mind."

"That's understandable. But your body needs to heal."

"I feel fine. I'd really like to keep walking."

"Any place in particular? I could get you a wheelchair." She sensed there was more he wasn't telling her.

"I'd like to go alone."

She shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't allow that. But wherever it is you'd like to go…I can give you as much privacy as you'll need. But unfortunately, I can't let you wander around without proper care."

Tim let out a deep sigh and agreed, hoping desperately, that his destination would give him what he was looking for.

* * *

The flight home was less than pleasant. And while Ducky understood Ziva's adamant stance, he had to hope her bitterness wouldn't last long. He knew that when they returned their team would need them in more ways than one. And the last thing any of them needed was another obstacle to overcome.

"Do not give me that look Ducky."

He shrugged innocently. "My dear, I am simply organizing my thoughts. We have quite the road ahead."

"And you believe my anger at Gibbs will be counter productive, yes?"

"Well now that you mention it, I had…"

She cut him off. "Do you presume that I have not thought the same things? Of course I have. My duty is to my teammates…I will take care of them first. This issue with Gibbs does not have to interfere and it will not."

Ducky folded his hands. "Well, it seems you have it all figured out then."

She nodded. "I do."

"I only hope you're right Ziva." He fastened his seat belt as he felt the place start to descend. "I only hope you're right."

* * *

Timothy McGee was rolled just outside the Chapel entrance and eased himself onto his feet. "I shouldn't be long."

Janie nodded. "I'll be right outside when you're through."

Tim slowly but surely made his way inside and gingerly approached a nearby pew to sit down. After a few moments of silence he managed to kneel comfortably on the ground; resting his head on the pew in front of him.

"When I was a kid…my Dad used to say that you could do anything. And I believed him…partly because I was a kid and partly because he was my Dad…and well, I used to believe my Dad could do anything too…then I grew up. And here I am. Full circle I guess." He continued the monologue as tears welled in his eyes. "His favorite story was when you raised Lazarus from the dead…it was so easy for you…you just told him to come out…and he was alive again…so naturally that meant that you could do anything…but just one question…" He fixated on the large crucifix towering above him. "Why couldn't you save _her_?"

He allowed himself to shed a few tears before continuing. "In that same story…it says you wept for him…said you hurt just like we hurt…so I'm not here to ask a thousand why questions I may never get the answer to." He took in a short breath. "I'm here because right now…I'm afraid to close my eyes…I can barely stand…so if you're everything you say you are…would you come to me? Would you help me?" He let the tears flow freely now. "I know there are people who need you more than I do…but I had to try…I've been putting my faith in someone who can fail…instead of someone who cant."

And in a moment of rare clarity, McGee realized he'd spoken a very important truth. He looked back at the Crucifix in reverent silence and spoke simply. "Thank you."

He stood up slowly, his tears subsiding long enough to light two small candles…

* * *

Ziva arrived at the hospital dead set on her destination. Only she arrived to find Tim's bed empty. She couldn't storm the nurse's station fast enough.

"Excuse me, where is Timothy McGee?"

The nurse simply pointed down the hall where Janie and Tim were sitting comfortably across from each other. She wanted to run towards him, but gathered herself.

"McGee, what are you doing out of bed?"

Tim almost smiled. "Good to see you too Ziva."

"I have been phoning your room since we landed."

"I'm sorry," he wasn't sure how to ease her concern. "I've been up and around a little…"

She took in a long breath, he did look marginally better. "And Tony? You two have been walking about together yes?" She looked around.

"He's in surgery."

The simplicity of the statement alone could've infuriated her. "He is? When?"

"About six hours ago…Janie said it could take anywhere from ten to twelve hours."

"What for?" She turned her attention to Janie.

She shook her head. "I'll have Agent McGee fill you in, I really should finish my rounds." She placed a soft hand on Tim's shoulder. "I'm sure your friend can help you back to bed when you're ready."

Tim tried to smile but still found it difficult. "Thank you."

Ziva watched Janie leave before taking her place beside him. "Is the surgery dangerous?"

"It's a dangerous area. They're trying to repair some of the damage near his spine…to help get rid of the constant pain. I got to see him before he went in…he seemed alright."

"Have you heard word since?"

Tim shook his head. "You seem flustered? Rough flight?"

Ziva let out a deep sigh. "I am sorry McGee…I am a bit tired. The trip was draining yes."

Tim stared at the ground. "How was the service?"

"It was beautiful." She lifted his chin so he met her eyes. "I said goodbye just as you asked…"

"Thanks. Means a lot."

She examined him after a moment of silence passed. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can get for you?"

Tim thought for a moment. "Could you just sit with me?"

Ziva nodded slowly and brought herself closer to his side. "I can do that."

* * *

It was a full hour before McGee asked to go back to his room. His body finally showing him how important rest truly was. It wasn't long after putting him to sleep that Ziva herself tried to salvage a few hours of her own. Ducky had exchanged a few cups of hospital coffee with Jackson before dosing off himself. The entire team was embarked on some much needed rest, until the morning sun crept through their windows. The fate of one person at the fore front of their minds…

"_Any word on DiNozzo?" _

"_Anything on Tony?" _

"_Is there an update on our partner? Anthony DiNozzo?" _

"_I'm an MD as well...please be succinct." _

* * *

Gibbs clenched his teeth in frustration. "What the hell is taking so long Duck?"

"Its very intricate work Jethro…rest here. I will go check on the others and see if I can gather more information."

Jackson nodded his thanks as he left. "Good man that Ducky."

"The best," Gibbs amended the statement. "Hell of a lot wiser than me."

"Always good to have someone more sane than you around." He stretched his arms out. "Sleep well son?"

"Surprisingly." He rubbed at his eyes. "Coffee?"

"I already asked the nurses. Not quite yet."

He sighed outwardly, visibly showing his frustration. "If this wound doesn't kill me; the damn withdrawal will."

"Relax son. Only a matter of time now."

"All I know is DiNozzo better pull through…or I'll kill him myself."

Jackson managed a smile. "Guess a good night's sleep brought back a bit of your whit."

"I just hope it brings back more than that." He didn't want to elaborate and hoped his father wouldn't pry.

He didn't. "Your other Agent…Ziva was it? She hasn't been in to check on ya. Any particular reason?"

"I can think of a few."

"Care to enlighten me?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Least of my worries."

"Is that so?" Jackson sat back in his chair. "Well then, you won't mind if I speculate?" He continued without waiting for a response. "I take it your magnetic personality rubbed her the wrong way?"

"Not talking about this." Gibbs tried to quiet him.

"She blaming this mess on you?"

"Not. Talking. About. This." He reaffirmed the statement. "Right now, I got two men down in more ways than one…they're my priority."

"And where does she fall on the priority list?"

"Given that she's physically capable of taking care of herself. Pretty low."

Jackson sat up. "I hope you get to check her off sooner rather than later Leroy…"

Gibbs opened his mouth to respond when two men in surgical garb appeared in the door way. "Are you Anthony DiNozzo's next of kin?"

"Yes I am."

* * *

"How are you Timothy?"

McGee sat up. "Little better. How are you Ducky?"

The Doctor realized quickly that McGee had been the first person to ask him that question in days. "I am surviving as it were. I am certaintly glad to be home."

"How was the boss this morning?"

Ziva interrupted. "Perhaps we should be trying to find out more about Tony's condition yes?"

Ducky sighed inwardly; knowing full well why she'd diverted Tims question. "From what I could gather the surgery was going as planned…word should be delivered soon enough."

"To the boss…" Tim added. "They would only give details to him. Maybe we should go wait with him?" He slipped off his blanket and noticed the look on Ducky's face. "Don't worry, I've been moving around some…its helping."

Ducky's expression calmed. "Very well then. I'm sure it will do well for all us to be together when we get the news."

Ziva hesitated for a moment and noticed Tim staring at her. "You okay?"

She nodded quickly so not to concern him. "Fine." She slipped a hand under his arm and walked along side him slowly. "I'm fine."

The three arrived in the door way to find the surgical staff near Gibbs bed side. Ziva was the first to speak.

"Is he alright?"

The room went silent as it was all on eyes on Gibbs.

He shifted his eyes directly to hers. "He's okay." He watched as she threw her arms instinctively around Tim; gently of course, before pulling Ducky into an embrace as well. Gibbs watched it all unfold in silence.

"Is he expected to make a full recovery?" Came Ducky's question, his eyes glistened with tears of relief.

The surgeon received a nod from Gibbs before continuing. "He will have to endure some therapy I'm sure, but I predict he'll be back to his normal routine within a couple months."

Gibbs put his hand out. "Thank you…you have no idea how important this news was."

The Doctor took his hand. "Well your Agent did most of the work."

Gibbs gave a trying smile as he imagined Abby making a snide remark about Tony's ego. He wished for a fleeting moment that she was there to celebrate with them. "I'll be sure to pass that along."

"When can we see him?" Tim asked next.

"He should be back in his room within the hour. I'll be sure a nurse notifies you." He glanced around and nodded his goodbyes before he and the remaining staff left the room.

"Well alright!" Jackson exclaimed. "Emergency averted."

Tim started towards Gibbs bedside. "This will help."

Gibbs nodded at the statement. "Yes it will Tim." He noticed something different in his eyes. "You're learning how to win this fight aren't you?"

McGee looked up almost fleetingly. "I'm trying boss."

Gibbs glanced past Tim at Ziva and watched as her eyes averted him. He then fixated on Ducky and threw his legs over the side of the bed. "I want to be there when he wakes up."

Ducky assisted him to his feet. "And you shall be Jethro. We all shall be."


	24. Chapter 24

"The nurses said they would notify us." Ziva offered, her presence lingering at the door.

Gibbs looked over at her just as he stood up fully. "Then I'll be ready when they do."

Jackson wasn't the only one who sensed the tension in their voices, but he was the first to try and ease it. "I'm sure it won't matter if we're waiting for him in his room…" He stated simply, catching a glare from Ziva that he hoped to follow up on later.

Tim noticed the glare but said nothing. Ducky assisted Jethro to the door and watched nervously as Ziva stepped aside to let him pass. She quickly took McGee's arm and ushered him towards Tony's room as well.

"You alright?" Tim finally questioned, noticing that the rest of them were a fair distance ahead.

"Of course." She answered quickly. "Tony is going to be fine…why wouldn't I be alright?"

He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "I don't know…you seem upset."

She halted rather abruptly. "Perhaps it is because we are going through an emotional ordeal McGee…is it alright if I am not the perfect picture of sanity?"

Tim swallowed. "So you're not alright?"

She huffed. "Whether I am or not, does not concern you McGee. You need to get well…that is more important."

"I don't remember me voting that my welfare was more important than yours."

"Well considering I am physically stronger than you. You have no choice."

He disregarded her attempt at humor. "You were standing in that door way like you didn't want the boss to see Tony…you know something I don't know?"

She shook her head. "That is absurd. Why would I not want Gibbs to see him? Tony loves him…"

"And all of a sudden you don't?" Tim examined her. "Now I may not be myself…or even close to it…but I'm not far gone enough to notice the glare you gave him."

She stepped away as if wanting to pace but stopped herself. "Do you trust me McGee?"

"Of course."

"Then trust me when I say… that what I am going through cannot be helped and it cannot be fixed. Not by anyone but myself. There is enough pain for us to get through…I will not add more food to the fire."

It was then Tim smiled his first real smile in weeks. "Then I'll trust you."

The two of them stared in silence for a few moments before Ziva motioned down the hall. "Now shall we go berate Tony for taking so long in surgery?"

Tim nodded slowly, but didn't respond to her comment. "I'm glad you're here Ziva."

She slipped her hand around his arm and moved down the hallway. "There is no place I would rather be McGee…"

* * *

The group waited patiently and stood instinctively at attention as Tony was rolled inside and settled in. Janie approached them soon after.

"He should be coming around soon. But I'm afraid we will only allow one visitor at a time…the Doctor doesn't want him overwhelmed."

"I would like to see him first." Ziva offered with little hesitation. And seemingly all eyes fell on Gibbs.

Tim agreed. "Better for him to see a pretty face. Than any of ours."

Gibbs shook his head. "I'll see him first."

Ziva smirked. "I suppose you expect me to stand down? We are not on a battle field Gibbs."

"And we aren't in fifth grade either. You know damn well I wanted to see him when he woke up."

"And you will. Just not first."

Janie stood by in silence; but not for long. "With all due respect. The Doctor can just as easily refuse visitation for some time. I don't think you would want that."

Gibbs clenched his teeth and just as he opened his mouth to respond he was robbed the chance to.

"He will see him first." Ziva relented. "We shall wait outside then."

Tim chose not to press her reaction and simply followed her out. Followed slowly by Jackson, and eventually Ducky.

"What the boy needs is love Jethro. Show him that."

Gibbs watched his friend leave and placed himself at Tony's bedside…it was there he waited.

* * *

"I see you were right." Ducky took a seat beside her. "You have it all figured out indeed."

She clenched her fist. "It was easier to think that without having to look at him."

"It will affect this team…no matter how hard you try to make it your issue my dear." He continued. "How do you think Anthony and Timothy will take you hating the man they risked their lives to protect…and which I may add, you also risked your life to protect?"

"I was there to ensure my teams safety…not to save a man who did not want to be saved." She stated simply. "He did not want us there…he wanted to die Ducky. He wanted to join her…"

He knew the her she was referring to and agreed. "You do not think he was blinded by grief?"

"I am not concerned with why he did it Ducky. Only that he did. And the end result was this hospital…was them missing her funeral…was them almost losing their lives."

"And when he returned from Mexico to save you? Did the reasons not matter then?"

She thought for a moment. "I do not presume he does not care. I cannot even say with all certainty that I have stopped caring for him…but I do know that I went to that warehouse because Tony and McGee believed he would somehow fix the loss we had suffered."

"And you don't think he can?" He waited patiently for a response, but it didn't come. "I will not claim to have all the answers Ziva…but I will say that if anyone can come back from a tragedy it is Leroy Jethro Gibbs…and it is you."

"Me?"

"You," he reasserted. "You and Jethro are two of the strongest people I have ever met…and while I believe Abigail is the only answer to our pain. You and he will be difference between this team staying together and it shattering to pieces."

She remained silent for a full minute before standing up and peering inside Tony's room. "It looks as though he is waking up…"

* * *

Tony blinked his eyes open and was momentarily startled. "Am I dead?"

"Not even close."

He sighed in relief. "Never take anything for granted…double check right?"

Gibbs almost smiled. "Got them all memorized yet?"

"Getting there." He lifted his head up slightly. "You doing okay boss?"

"Getting there." Gibbs responded likewise and examined his face. "You seem disappointed DiNozzo."

"You haven't lost your touch have you?" He agreed. "I'd by lying if I said that every time I close my eyes I hope to open them to…"

"Abby?" He questioned gently, knowing how hard it would be for him to finish. "Nothing wrong with that Tony."

"Well I've been opening and closing my eyes a lot lately…" his voice grew stronger. "And it sucks every time."

"Yeah…" Gibbs agreed. "And its going to for a while."

"Not what I wanted to hear."

"But what you need to." Gibbs concluded his voice still as gentle as he could manage.

Tony swallowed. "I know…how's the Probie? Ziva and Ducky back okay?"

"Pretty lucid for a guy who just got of surgery."

"I'm a man of many talents." Tony stated simply. "Are they alright?"

"Fine. Sitting outside, waiting their turn."

"Why do I get the feeling you didn't draw straws?"

Gibbs glared down at him. "Well David was pretty hell bent on being first."

Tony smiled slightly. "Because she loves me or because she hates you?" He watched Gibbs give him a distinct look. "Frankly I'm surprised she let you…given your condition and all."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I may be doped up…but give me some credit boss. I know women…well…particular that woman."

"Is that right?"

Tony tried to sit up but decided against it. "She resents you doesn't she?"

Gibbs nodded slowly. "Our issue."

"Figured that too." He cleared his throat, his voice still a bit weak. "You two are gonna prance around the issue till you're locked into a room together….or you kill each other…whichever comes first."

"Doesn't concern you DiNozzo."

"Technically it does…cuz if you two die, then it's just me and McGee. And we'll end up killing each other after a week. So, think of it as saving four lives…"

Gibbs almost smiled. "We'll talk when we're ready."

Tony looked over at his door to see Ziva peering inside. "Just one thing…she doesn't know, that I know. So if you really want to save my life…could you leave this little pep talk out of it?"

Gibbs nodded. "Pep talk?"

"Advice?" He caught his glare. "How about telling you what you already knew?" He watched Gibbs nod.

"Can we get back to you now?" Gibbs questioned.

"Thought you'd never ask." Tony agreed. "How am I doing?"

"Doc said you should be good as new in a month or two."

His expression changed. "And what do_ you_ think?"

"I'm just glad you have you back Tony…" Gibbs suddenly felt a lump in his throat that surprised even him. I…._we_ needed you back."

Tony peered around awkwardly. "Should we hug now?"

Gibbs lifted his hand in head slap fashion but hesitated. "I'll send in David."

"Oh boss…"

He turned back. "Yeah?"

"Do you think…you know, when McGee and I get better…that uh we could, maybe…go see her?"

Gibbs nodded slowly. "She'd be pretty pissed if we didn't don't you think?"

Tony smirked a bit. "Thanks boss."

* * *

Gibbs exited the room to find Ziva less than a foot away from the door. "Watching guard?"

Ziva shook her head, her eyes dashing between her teammates and Gibbs. "I was waiting." She moved to step inside when Gibbs arm rested over the door way, forcing her eyes to meet his. "Waiting for a password?"

It was then Gibbs did what only he could, and allowed his expression to say what his mouth couldn't quite express. He then put his arm down and moved aside. Her expression telling him that she had quickly moved up his priority list…


	25. Chapter 25

"Boy am I glad to see your face…" Tony spoke first. "I'd hate to have died with the last image being that anesthesiologist…"

Ziva smiled down at him. "I should be flattered, yes?"

"You should see that anesthesiologist..."

She laughed slightly. "It seems you are no worse for wear."

"I'm a DiNozzo….we don't give up easy."

"I can see that." She examined him for a moment. "Do you need anything?"

"Not that you mention it…"

She stopped him. "That is PG rated."

"You're no fun."

"So I have been told…" She mumbled to herself, hoping Tony wouldn't be able to decipher it. She was wrong.

"We're all struggling Ziva…take me for example, I've made a total of two jokes in the last thirty seconds…which could be an indication that I'm feeling better or that I am deathly afraid of feeling like I really do…"

"That is pretty insightful Tony."

"Yeah, well laying in a hospital bed for a week will do that to a man."

She sat up. "Then how is it that you really feel?"

"Physically I feel like I just got done sparring with Gibbs…emotionally, I could burst into tears at any moment…I'm pretty good at hiding it though huh? It's an acquired skill."

"Yes, it is."

He waited for her to elaborate, but when she didn't he continued. "You and me are not all that different you know?" He caught her glare. "Theoretically speaking I mean…I hide behind my snide remarks and you just hide."

"I do not hide."

"Don't you?" He swallowed, not exactly sure what he was getting himself into. And after contemplating for a moment he reverted to his usual demeanor. "Anyway, I just got out of major surgery, I could've died…we should be talking about how happy you are that I didn't die…if I saw a white light…if I had weird dreams during surgery…"

"But you do not want to talk about those things. And neither do I." She stated simply and awaited her partner's response with an expressive look on her face.

He smiled up at her. "No, I guess we don't."

"You are obviously struggling with all of this…as am I. There is no reason why we should beat around the tree…we should just lay it out there. Express how we really feel."

An awkward silence passed.

"I'm not good at this." Tony admitted. "I'm a guy."

"You were certainly picking me apart a moment ago. Perhaps you are not as bad at it as you think you are."

"If I share, you share. Deal?" He lifted up his hand slowly and watched her take it.

"Deal. You first."

"Why do I have to go first?" He whined.

"Because you are the one in the hospital bed, and I am a trained assassin."

"True," he agreed regrettably and thought for a moment. _Come on Tony, express your feelings…how hard could that be? _He cleared his throat as if expecting to struggle through the following statements. "I uh, I hate feeling like I cant do anything to make this better…I hate that the Probie got hurt…I hate that Gibbs looks like he could collapse at any second…I hate that Abby had to die alone. I hate a lot of things right now."

She leaned towards him. "You are right…you _are_ very good at hiding it."

"It's not that I'm good…I just don't know what the hell else to do. Which might I add…I also hate. I can't event think straight enough to come up with a movie character reference…"

"Not a bad thing." She jested softly. "I do not blame you for being angry. It seems to be the going emotion as of late….except for McGee of course."

"Yeah, well the Probie has his own way of working through things…guess we all do."

She noticed the look on his face and nodded. "My turn yes?"

"No time like the present."

She thought for a moment. "I suppose I am feeling anger as well. But not necessarily at myself. Unlike you I have been able to say goodbye to her…I have been able to offer comfort to my teammates…and although I am still sad, I know the pain will subside over time…that I have learned. But in this moment, here with you…I feel frustrated."

"Why?"

"Because you should not be lying there…you should not have almost died. You should have been with us to say goodbye…you should have been grieving in a healthy way and not lying in a hospital bed in pain…" Her tone became a bit fierce.

"I chose to go to that warehouse Ziva…I knew what I was doing."

"No you did not." She replied quickly. "You were blinded…blinded by your faith in one man. A man who as far as I can tell, did not want to be saved."

"I'm not sorry for what I did." He also answered quickly. "I love the boss…and I don't care if he was standing on the edge of a ten story building…I still would've tried."

"He was reckless Tony…he was reckless and he was selfish. Tell me you are not so blinded that you still cannot see that."

Tony took in a breath. "Ziva…he lost Abby…do you have any idea how much he loved her? God, stop thinking so logically, and start thinking about how messed up in the head he probably was…I know somewhere in your heart you understand that."

"Pain is not new to him Tony…he should have known how to channel it."

"You're not Gibbs, Ziva…and hell, neither am I. You don't know what he needs or how he handles things…you can't use general explanations of grief for someone like him…"

"It does not excuse what he did."

"Who said anything has to? It happened. It sucks, but it happened. I tried to keep you and McGee out of it so you wouldn't get hurt…was that right or wrong? You would say wrong…I would say right. Do you want to hate me too?"

"You were not thinking logically…you were allowing your emotions to cloud your judgment."

"And you never have?"

"No, I have not."

He cleared his throat, his demeanor still rather calm. "Well I'm glad we've declared that you're perfect…"

Ziva took in a breath. "He is our leader Tony…he does not get held to the same standards as you or me…he made poor decisions. Ones that led to disastrous outcomes. I cannot simply let it go."

He went silent as if taking it all in. "I'm not saying he didn't make the best choices Ziva…but I was there when I told him about Abby…I saw what it did, and frankly I'm still scared as hell as to what its going to do…but I know I'd rather have a boss who feels and makes a poor decision now and then, then one whose perfect and doesn't."

"And if his poor decision had killed me? Or McGee?"

"Then I would try as hard as I could to forgive him….because deep inside." He pointed at his heart. "I know he'd die himself before letting that happen…"

"You are still blinded then?"

Tony tried to nod. "I guess I am."

"And you are okay with that?"

He looked intently at her eyes. "Why aren't you?"

"Because he was wrong Tony. He was wrong to leave us behind…how can you not see that?"

"I never said he wasn't wrong Ziva…and I never said he was right. I just know that he loves us…why isn't that enough for you?"

"Because love does not conquer all. There are consequences to the choices we make."

"And you don't think he's suffered the consequences?"

She shook her head slowly. "Not all of them."

* * *

"How you feeling Tim?" Gibbs took a seat beside him and ran a quick hand over his face.

"Doing okay…getting a bit tired of everyone asking me that though."

Gibbs mind took him back to a time he'd done his best to leave behind him. "You get used to it."

Tim gave his boss a once over. "Really?"

"No," he amended his statement. "But you start to work out quick answers."

"So you lie?"

"Half truths, Tim. Trust me; it'll help keep you sane."

McGee hovered on the word trust. "I do you know."

Gibbs glanced at him and waited for more of an explanation.

"I trust you. I don't know…I just thought you should know that."

"Not so sure I've earned it."

Tim looked up at him. "Now I didn't think that was possible…"

"What?"

"You feeling sorry for yourself."

Gibbs almost smiled. "Your turn to give me a pep talk huh?" He leaned back against the wall and rested his head. "You ever think you trust me a little too much McGee?"

"When I've made mistakes, you've stood behind me…It would be wrong of me to stop trusting you now."

"So you think I made a mistake?"

"I think you did what anyone would do boss."

"Which was a mistake?"

Tim swallowed. "We trusted you to lead us, and when we needed it the most, you left us behind. I understand why you did what you did…but it still hurt. Hurt that you went to take revenge…when maybe you weren't the only one who wanted it."

Gibbs leaned forward. "You're right."

"I am?" He sounded doubtful for a moment. "I mean, I am boss."

"Proud of you McGee." He nodded towards him. "Took a lot of guts to say that."

Tim agreed. "Guess given the circumstances, you don't seem as tough as you used to be…" He met Gibbs glare. "Not that you don't still look tough boss, because you do, I was just saying that…"

Gibbs put his hand up to quiet him. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"Someone had to take Abby's place…" He responded before realizing what he'd said. "Sorry boss, I know that no one can…"

Gibbs watched Tim's face fall. "She'd be proud of you too."

"You think so?"

"Since when do I say things I don't mean McGee?"

Tim nodded. "Never."

"And I don't plan on starting now." He looked at the door way to see Ziva stepping out of it; then watched Tim begin to make his way inside. It wasn't long before Ducky and Jackson made themselves scarce; leaving the two of them alone in an awkward silence…

"What is the expression?" She stopped for a moment. "Shall we dance?"

Gibbs stood up. "That depends."

"On what?"

"Who leads..."


	26. Chapter 26

"Probielicious." Tony greeted, lifting his head to acknowledge his partner. "You look…better."

"Is that the best you can come up with?"

"I'm not the greatest with words," Tony admitted with a hint of sarcasm. "I'm more of an action guy."

Tim moved closer to the bed. "Not anytime soon."

"Ouch Probie…"

McGee smirked slightly. "You don't look as bad as I thought you would."

"Gee, thanks." Tony quipped. "Guess you're saving your more eloquent phrases for your next book…"

"I don't think I'll be writing much at all anytime soon…"

Tony picked up on his tone. "Things will get back to normal one of these days Probie…I don't know how and I don't know when, but they will."

"No they won't." Tim disagreed. "Things will always be different…"

"True," Tony added regrettably. "But I'm still here….so you can count on someone still ragging on ya…Ziva and I will still flirt constantly…Ducky will ramble on…and well the boss…is the boss."

"But…" Tim began his rebuttal before choosing to remain silent.

Tony forced eye contact with him. "But what man?"

McGee wasn't sure if it was the tenderness in Tony's voice or the fact that he was lying there hurt…but he decided to answer. "But she won't be there." He closed his eyes for a moment. "She won't be there with open arms to hug me, or be the only who understands my computer babble…"

Tony simply listened, his eyes telling him to go on.

"I can't bring her a Caf Pow anymore…or have lunch or just go down and visit when I need a break. I can't do a million things that I wanted to do with her Tony…and that's why things will always be different." He looked down at the floor. "That's why I'm scared…"

"Of going back to work?"

"Of living without her," he stated simply. "I guess I just can't picture it…mostly because I haven't wanted to."

"You just did." Tony offered. "And every time you walk in those doors…hell every time you even get in your car in the morning, you'll think of her. And you'll remember why you woke up in the first place; because that's what she'd want man…she'd want you to be strong…I know that sounds cliché, but you know I'm right…"

"I know," he agreed half heartedly. "I'm trying."

"I know you are McGee, because that's the kind of man you are. And I know I might regret saying this, but I envy you..."

"You envy me? You sure you don't have me confused with the boss?"

"Im serious," his voice remained tired. "I mean look at you. You're standing on two feet…at my side when you don't have to be…you're not afraid to cry…you don't care what people think, you're in pain and you're honest…you don't hide. I envy that."

Tim placed a hand nonchalantly on his partners arm. "Then stop hiding."

Tony blinked back a few sudden tears. "Doesn't hurt as much if I do."

"That's a lie and you know it Tony." Tim treaded softly. "There's nothing wrong with being scared…you loved her too…"

At the word _loved_, Tony closed his eyes tight, letting a few tears escape down his face. "Gosh…I hate this. I really hate it."

Tim only looked on, his own tears falling slowly.

"You're gonna think I'm crazy," Tony offered, still a bit hesitant to do what his friend could do so freely. "But I'm uh, I'm scared to answer my phone…every time it rings I freak."

"You're not crazy…well, at least not because of this." He tried to smile. "It's called being human…something I've realized a lot more of recently."

"Wish Ziva felt the same way." He used his sheet to dampen his tears.

"Or Gibbs." Tim added gently, unsure of how Tony would respond.

"I think he's more aware of that fact that any of us McGee…he has more faults than most…I don't expect him to be a saint."

"You don't?" Tim almost looked confused. "I just figured you thought the world of him."

"Yeah…loving someone is just as much about their faults than anything else. You love 'em even if they screw up…its part of…well…loving them I guess."

Tim thought for a moment. "She loved us…"

Tony looked up at him. "That she did Probie."

A minute or two of silence passed, before either of them spoke.

"Boss said we can go see her when I get up and around."

Tim broke out of his thoughts. "She'd like that."

* * *

"I would imagine you would like to do the honors?" Ziva countered rather quickly.

Gibbs didn't wait very long either. "I have a feeling you'd end up stepping on my toes."

"Probably." Her eyes took in his outward appearance; which couldn't be far from what he looked like on the inside.

"Then lets get this over with…I'm in enough pain as it is."

"Are you?" She questioned rather harshly.

"Oh I see." He began. "You have x-ray vision…" He moved in closer. "Do you see the large break in the middle of my heart or do you need a closer look?" He was now inches from her face.

"You cannot intimidate me….I am not Tony or McGee…"

"Please," he put his hand up. "Spare me the melodramatics…"

"I cannot remember the last time I heard you use that word."

"What? You gonna attack my manners now?"

She took a step back from him. "Least of my problems."

"I'm listening…"

"You did this." She pointed to Tony's room. "You brought of all this on us."

"Funny. I distinctly remember leaving you all behind, to keep this exact thing from happening."

"That is what you say…but in reality you were thinking only of yourself. Of getting revenge…getting killed…whatever suited your needs."

"Why do you care so much about my needs?"

"I could ask you the same question…if you were so concerned about our well being then maybe you would realize that _we_ need _you!"_ She found herself yelling that final word, just as she pointed towards him.

Gibbs dropped his head and thought for a moment. "It is my fault."

Ziva gathered herself. "I'm sorry?"

"It's my fault Ziva…I should've asked you to help…I should take full responsibility for all of this. Hell, I just as well of shot Tony and McGee myself…in fact, maybe I killed Abby too…considering she was the reason I left in the first place…"

"You are being irrational."

"Damn right I am!" He yelled loud enough to catch the attention of the passer bys. "I'm in pain!" He took in a deep breath before repeating himself. "I'm in pain..."

"As you should be."

Gibbs glared up at her. "Now who's the bastard?"

She shook her head as if disagreeing with her previous statement. "What happened to Abby was tragic…none of us could have saved her…but the events that followed could have been controlled. You could have let us in…let us help."

"Don't you think I've thought of that? Don't you think if I could, I would have done things differently?"

"No I do not."

He flailed his arms in the air, despite the discomfort it brought him. "You're unbelievable…"

"But I am right." She swallowed. "You would have done what you did. That is what Leroy Jethro Gibbs does…that is who he is."

"I can't change what I did, anymore than you can change what you did in my basement that night…"

Her expression changed drastically. "How dare you…"

"You don't hate me for leaving you behind…you've been looking for a reason to hate me ever since you pulled that trigger."

"Ari was evil…he had changed…but you…_you_ do not change. You will always think that your way is best…that you do not need us."

He sighed outwardly. "You're talking as if I wanted this to happen. What part of that makes sense to you?"

"The only part that matters…that you bring nothing but harm to this team. Kate was first…then Jenny…Langer….Lee….Who is next?"

Gibbs eyes welled with tears before he could fight it. "Just dig the knife in deeper would you?"

"If that is what it takes."

"To what?"

"To change you." She stated simply. "To make you see that you need us just as much as we need you."

"We?"

She mirrored the tears in his eyes. "We."

"You don't want an apology…you want a promise." He examined her. "You want me to promise to change…"

"I am only asking that you try."

"Why?"

"Because if you do not. The next time may be more costly than we can bear."

He went silent for a few moments before approaching her. "Never thought I'd say this…but you're right David."

"I never thought you would say it either." She agreed. "But I can be rather convincing when I need to be..."

He nodded slowly and let his expression speak for itself. "Then you got yourself a promise." He put out his hand and watched her take it firmly. "Turns out you're not that bad of a dancer."

She almost smiled; her eyes still a bit misty. "I have had a lesson or two over the years."

He nodded towards her. "We all have."


	27. Chapter 27

AN: I foresee another Chapter or two after this. Thank you all for your continued support. I know this read hasn't been easy; but I appreciate your strength and forthrightness. So without further adieu here is Chapter 27.

---

Doctor Mallard was uncharacteristically silent when he entered Tony's room. He was tired, but then, all of them were.

"You're not gonna tell me a story of what this reminds you of?" Tony looked up at him inquisitively; a bit concerned at his demeanor.

"I'm afraid I don't have a story that quite fits these circumstances." He opted to take a seat, which was contrary to what the others had done.

"Tired?"

The Doctor simply nodded.

Tony sat up slightly. "Aren't you at least gonna offer some words of wisdom?"

"I'm fresh out I'm afraid."

"You been hashing it out with Jackson haven't ya? He wore you out?"

Ducky ran a hand over his face. "He is quite the conversationalist, although our tastes aren't exactly parallel."

"Parallel. That's like side by side right?"

"Correct." Ducky admonished him. "Speaking of side by side. It appears our fearless leader and his Israeli counterpart have made amends."

"They had it out didn't they? Aw man. And I missed it?" He put one arm up and rested it down with a huff. "Of all the rotten luck...tell me about it. Did she hit him? Did he put full sentences together? Just give me a general description, you can spare with the details…on second thought. I want to know everything."

Ducky almost smiled. "I was not there. I only know from what I see now."

"And what's that?"

"They are comfortable standing in the same proximity as one another."

"How close of a proximity?"

"More than a few feet." He cleared his throat. "But it appears both of them got it off their chest, as Abby would say."

Tony thought for a moment. "She would've hated to see them like that."

"That she would have."

"She probably would've handcuffed 'em together till they talked it out." He chucked softly.

Ducky did as well, before it slowly turned into a frown. "What will we do without her Anthony?"

Tony swallowed. "You're supposed to be the one with wise answers Ducky."

"I'm afraid I've reached a dry spell." He blinked back sudden tears. "I'm sorry my boy, I should not be burdening you with this…you need to get well."

"So do you."

Ducky managed a small smile. "I am not the one lying in a hospital bed."

"You may as well be," Tony began. "Sometimes physical wounds hurt less…at least I've had a distraction…all you've been dealing with is a distraught Gibbs…a grieving McGee…a pissed off Ziva…I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

"I suppose you're right…I've seemed to reach my whit's end as it were." He leaned back in the chair and folded his hands. "But I am glad you're getting well Anthony; it would have been unspeakable to lose you as well."

"Glad I could help." He glanced away for a moment. "Don't worry Ducky; you'll get your whit back and before you know it, the boss will be interrupting your stories…Ziva will be thoughtfully listening to them…and all will be well with the world."

"It's hard to think the world still turns on its axis without her isn't it?"

Tony nodded slowly. "Just wish it would turn back in time…so we could save her."

Ducky let out a deep sigh. "She would want us to move forward."

"Hard," the word was barely audible, as if he hadn't wanted his friend to hear him. "But we have to do what she would want…even if she's not here to handcuff us together."

Ducky smiled. "That we do dear boy. And that we will."

"What's that I hear?"

Ducky looked puzzled as he continued.

"I do believe that's the Donald Mallard whit."

The Doctor stood up at the statement and placed a soft hand on Tony's arm. "Thank you Anthony…"

"No Ducky…thank you."

* * *

It wasn't long before Tim noticed the difference in Ziva and Gibbs. And with that little peace of mind, he decided on some much needed rest. He strolled back to his room slowly but surely and propped himself onto his bed.

"For a minute there I wasn't sure you'd be coming back." Janie was quick to assist him into bed.

"Yeah well…been a busy day." He commented quickly, as she lifted the blankets to cover him.

"I'm glad your partner will be alright."

"You and me both." He nodded towards her. "Thanks."

She started towards the door before stopping at the entrance and turning back. "You seem…better."

Tim shrugged. "That's twice in one day…I must be doing something right."

"It's time," she took a step towards him. "As cliché as it sounds…it helps."

"Would you believe me if I said I was still dying inside?"

She nodded slowly. "I've seen a lot of tragedy in my time here…I've seen people deal with things in every way imaginable…from turning to the bottle...to refusing treatment…everything under the sun. And when I saw you…and heard your cries at night…I was scared. Scared I would see another tragic circumstance evolve. But you surprised me…you insisted on caring for others when you were barely able to care for yourself…and that…" She swallowed hard. "Reminded me why I do what I do. For people like you…for people with hope."

Tim was almost speechless. "I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything…just promise me you won't give up."

McGee locked onto her eyes. "I promise."

And he would keep that promise. Even if every day he had to remind himself of his vow and push past the challenges that faced him….that faced all of them.

It was seven days before Gibbs was released into his Father's care. But you wouldn't know he'd been released at all; spending multiple nights at either Tim or Tony's bedside. It was another ten days before McGee was released, and he seemed to frequent almost as often as Gibbs, if not more. Ziva hovered over him like a bird of prey…and Ducky was an ever constant pillar for the especially long nights. Each of them seemed to be moving forward; albeit slowly…but there were still a few rivers to cross…


	28. Chapter 28

Tony's therapy was nearing its end and although he'd hit a rough patch here and there, the support of his team was constant. Even if one key piece was missing. He'd been back at his apartment nearly a week and hadn't managed a full nights sleep yet. Not even his Magnum DVD's were doing the trick.

One particular night he opted for a run to help him clear his head…or exhaust himself; whichever came first. Where he ended up was no surprise to him. He found himself dancing around the boxing ring at NCIS…with the lights dimmed and not a soul to be found. He slipped on a pair of gloves and steadied himself in front of a weight bag. He struck it once, then a second time…then a third. Within seconds he was pelting the bag with every ounce of energy he had. Sweat pouring down his face; breathing so hard his throat began to burn.

"I…" *strike* "Hate…" *Strike* "This!"

He punched frantically until he had nothing left. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. But he couldn't. He laid there flat on his back and tried to bring his breathing under control. The bag still swaying a bit from the last strike. "I hate this." He repeated between gasps. "I hate this so much."

He laid there until the bag stopped swaying before standing up for another round…and then another. Before he literally fell to the ground in agony. If his muscles could speak, they'd scream. He threw off his gloves in no particular direction and lay supine on the floor like a corpse. "God Abs…I wish…I wish I could've saved your life…" He pounded his bare fist into the ground. "Damn pain…wont go away. Make it go away Abs…please."

He blinked furiously as the lights above him began to brighten. "DiNozzo?"

Tony shook his head. "Not here."

Gibbs tossed his bag down and took in the sight before kneeling beside him. "Feel better?"

"No…" he spoke simply. "Cant move."

Gibbs had endured endless bouts a time or two before. "Damn bag just doesn't give up does it?"

"It cheats."

"How's that?"

"It doesn't feel anything…in fact, I think I almost envy it."

Gibbs let him continue.

"It just keeps taking the hits…hard, soft, fast, slow…low blows…all of 'em. But it never falters…just keeps coming back for more." He took in a few deep breaths as he continued to stare up at the ceiling.

"It's a bag Tony."

"Nah…it's more than that boss. It's me. I was shot…twice…could've died right there in that warehouse, but I didn't. I stuck it out through the pain…could've died on that operating table…but I didn't. And now here I am. Lying on a dirty floor… just lost a fight with myself…"

"So you train. Get stronger. Then prepare from one hell of a rematch."

"What if I don't want to fight anymore boss?"

Gibbs shook his head and stood up. "You're not a quitter Tony."

He lifted himself onto his elbows before taking Gibbs hand and standing up. "I'm tired."

Gibbs placed an arm around his back to support him and walked slowly towards the locker room. "You wont always be Tony…you wont always be."

* * *

Vance hadn't required them back to work until they each passed a psychiatric evaluation. Gibbs protested but to no avail. Tim went willingly to the appointments, while the others avoided them deliberately. It was only when Vance threatened a loss of pay that the others eventually conceded.

"Think maybe we could do a double? You know, kill two birds with one rock?"

"Stone," Tim corrected. "And I'm not going in there with you. It's something you have to do alone. For more reasons than one."

"I do not like these things. In Israel I did not have to see a doctor after every trauma I encountered."

"We're not in Israel." Tim stated the obvious, but did so gently. "Listen, what happened to Abby is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face…I know I can use all the help I can get. Now you may not think you need it….but we all do, if we're gonna get through this."

"Then I will do it for us." She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze before grabbing the door handle and walking inside…

* * *

"I tried calling last night." Ducky offered.

Gibbs had just finished pouring his first cup of coffee. "Good morning to you too Duck."

"I thought we agreed you would not dodge my phone calls."

Gibbs sat down at his kitchen table. "Spent the night at DiNozzo's. Found him at NCIS at 3am."

"And just what were you doing at NCIS at 3 am?"

"Why do I suddenly feel like my Father never left?"

Ducky took a seat as well. "Perhaps I should phone him then? You were not out perusing in the middle of the night when he was here."

"I'm not twelve Duck."

"Debatable," he offered with a hint of sarcasm. "How is Anthony?"

"Out like a light when I left him. Don't think he's been sleeping much."

Ducky nodded towards his friend. "Seems he is not the only one."

"What? You want to come by every night and tell me a bed time story now?"

"If that is what it takes." Ducky smiled at him. "Do not tempt me."

"Trust me Duck. I've been here before. I know how this goes."

Ducky's smile faded. "You were alone before Jethro. You aren't now."

"The only one I need here. Isn't. So trust me, I'm handling things the best I can."

"Have you passed your psych eval?" He watched his friend stand and pour himself another cup. "I thought not."

"David's in this morning…I'm scheduled for the afternoon. Do you want to drive to make sure I get there okay Dad?"

"Point taken."

"I doubt that." Gibbs managed a small smile. "I take it you passed yours?"

"Considering I've only been to one my entire life. I'd say it went as expected. She's seemed quite kind."

"Good."

"Would you rather I check on Anthony this afternoon then? Since you'll be preoccupied."

"Fine. But don't start cleaning up his apartment. He hates that."

"Speaking from experience?"

"Hell no. I just know I hate it when you do it for me."

Ducky managed a smile before standing. "Noted."

"Call me with a Sit Rep, when you see him."

"Will do."

* * *

"Do you feel you are ready for active duty?"

Ziva folded her hands. "I do. But I cannot say the same for my team."

"We are not here about them. We are here about you."

"I am fine."

"You were close to Miss Scuito were you not?"

"We were friends. Yes. My other teammates were much closer to her."

The Doctor leaned forward. "But you cared for her?"

"I did."

"Then this must have impacted you…"

"It did. It still does, at times. But I have dealt with a fair number of losses in my life. I believe I have developed a…what is it you call it. A rough skin?"

"Tough?"

"Yes, tough."

"It says here you were left unharmed during a shootout. I cant imagine that was pleasant."

Ziva almost smiled. "If we are going to sit here and state the obvious then perhaps I should cut the chase yes?" She took in a breath. "Yes, losing Abby was painful. Seeing my teammates wounded was not pleasant. Going to her funeral without them was not how it should have been. But I am ready to move forward…"

"For your sake, or for theirs?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not to you," she nodded towards her. "It appears that your feelings are solely dependable on how your friends are feeling. They are not your own."

"I have my own feelings."

"Do tell…"

"It is not necessary."

"For what?"

"For us to move forward."

The Doctor once again leaned forward. "And what about _you_ moving forward?"

"I feel as though I have. I am resting well at night; I am not drinking…I am not crying myself to sleep. I am not hating the world and everything in it. I am simply trying to move on…"

"But you cant fully until they do?"

"They are a big part of my life. So I will say yes….but I do not mind waiting."

"I'm sure you're used to it."

"Excuse me?"

"Why do I get the feeling that you have always "moved on," faster than those around you?"

"You are speaking as if that is a bad thing. I see it as a strength."

"So you're teammates are weaker than you?"

"They are not weak!" She stood up. "They are simply dealing with things in their own way. I cannot say which way is best, and neither can you. Now if you do not mind, I would like your approval to get back to work…"

The doctor examined her for a moment. "You are stubborn."

"When I need to be."

"Then I will give you what you want. But know this, feelings are not to be squandered. Eventually they will float to the surface when you least expect it."

Ziva moved towards the door. "I will try and remember that."

The door closed abruptly; leaving the Doctor in her own thoughts. "I only hope you do."

* * *

"Welcome back to the land of the living…" Ducky set down the book in his hand and greeted his friend with a smile.

"That's debateable." He managed through a short yawn. "I could've sworn I'd be opening my eyes to our fearless leader."

"Rest assureded that he would be here if he could."

"Psych eval?"

"Im afraid so," Ducky answered as he stood up. "I have a pot of coffee on, and would be more than happy to make a pile of blueberry pancakes. I do know how you enjoy them."

"I'd like that." He said simply, before throwing off his blankets. His muscles still a bit sore from his bout last night. Slowly but surely he got himself dressed and made his way into the kitchen. "Thanks for not cleaning up."

"I resisted," he placed a cup of fresh coffee before his friend. "How are you feeling?"

"Peachy."

"Sleeping till 2 in the afternoon will give that allusion. Perhaps you'd like to take a stab at the truth this time?"

"Peachy keen?"

Ducky was moving throughout the kitchen before coming to a halt infront of him. "I see. You're planning to share all of your thoughts and feelings at your evaluation then?"

"If you're referring to the evaluation that I'm gonna fail? Then yes."

"Im sure Vance will give you more time."

"Let's face it Ducky. Right now I feel more screwed up than Gibbs."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know…maybe because I have no coping skills? Lucky for me I got shot and had the physical distraction…but now that Im better, I haven't the slightest clue as to how to do this…I cant eat, I cant sleep… I cant even enjoy one hour of Magnum P.I. right now…"

"You will find what works for you in time Anthony. Grief is not an exact science."

It was then; Ducky's phone began to ring. He watched as Anthony spilled the contents of his coffee all over the kitchen table. "Are you alright?"

"Fine." He forcefully used a nearby dish towel to clean it up. "You can answer it."

Ducky did so with hesitation. "Yes Jethro…we were just talking. He's awake now….yes I will. Good luck." He hung up the phone just as Tony finished cleaning up the spill. "That was Gibbs. He was checking on you."

"Yeah, I figured…listen sorry about the coffee. I just got a little startled."

"The phone issue from before…it has not lessened?"

"What gave it away?"

"Then perhaps seeing this Doctor will do you some good my boy. It certainly cant hurt."

"So you say," he began to pace a bit. "But what if she gets me all in touch with my sensitive side and I end up crying myself to sleep every night."

"And what would be so bad about that?"

"You see what I mean? I'm screwed up."

"Anthony, come now…sit down." He ushered his friend towards the living room couch. "I cannot say for sure whether or not you are 'screwed up' but I can say that what you are going through is normal…you cannot expect to rebound as quickly as a rubber band."

Tony considered his next question for a moment. "Have you uh…cried yourself to sleep Ducky?"

"Many a time my dear boy. Many a time. And I would venture to say that you're fearless leader has as well."

"Man, seeing Gibbs cry must be like seeing your own Dad cry for the first time."

"I'd imagine it would be. But you _have_ cried for her Anthony…perhaps not as often as the next man, but you have. And there is no shame in that. None at all."

"So if this lady gets me to cry…it will help?"

"It will not hurt."

Tony gave him a trying smile. "You are wise beyond your years Ducky."

"So I've been told."

"You also make one heck of a blueberry pancake."

Ducky took his hand and helped him up. "That I do."

* * *

Timothy McGee stood in the dimmed elevator for what felt like an hour, but was only minutes. He even took to pacing inside the closed space; unsure of the choice he had made. With a shaky hand he lifted the switch and watched the elevator doors open to a place that had haunted his dreams ever since that faithful night…


	29. Chapter 29

AN: I forsee another Chapter. Maybe two. I really mean it this time :). Thanks so much for your continued support. Grab a tissue and Enjoy. Flashbacks in Italics.

--------

They say scent can most often trigger memories…but for Timothy McGee…in this moment it was all of them. Sight. Touch. Sound. Taste.

He could smell the lingering scent of her.

He could touch the door she'd no longer walk through.

He could hear the silence.

He could taste the dryness in his mouth.

And he could see…

She was gone.

He stood at the door like a fixture and didn't bother fighting the tears that quickly streamed down his face. His vision was blurred but he somehow managed to step through the door frame and into her lab…his chest seemed to constrict at the mere movement and he stopped himself only a few feet in.

"_Did you come down for a hug?" _

_She stood with her arms wide open and that smile. God that smile. _

"_What'd you find out?"_

"_I ran every test I could. The slugs are too damaged. There's no way to know who fired the kill shot. Does it really matter?" _

"_Yeah…it matters." _

Tim opened his eyes to the chilling reality that faced him and spoke softly into the air. "I don't think I can do this Abby…" He clenched his eye lids shut and swallowed hard. "No…I can do it…I can do it for you…" He willed his feet to move and found himself resting his hands gently on her keyboards.

"_Can you simulate the bomb please?"_

_*BOOM*_

"_Sorry, I forgot to tell you I added sound."_

"_Yeah. Can we try that again, without the sound…"_

"_Yeah…it was a little loud huh?" _

A small smile formed on his face as he forced himself to keep moving. He placed a soft hand on the refrigerator that once held her precious cupcake. His small smile quickly fades as he let out a short sob. It was a few minutes before he was able to enter her office…

_"I'm sorry that I got upset with you."_

_"It's okay. I understand. You're insecure."_

"_You think I'm insecure?"_

"_Well, in a cute way."_

"_I'm not - I'm not insecure. What makes you think I'm insecure?"_

_"Oh, that whole "where's our relationship going" thing."_

_"So it's insecure to want to know the status of your relationship when one of the people in that relationship can't accurately communicate her feelings?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Okay, I guess my poem didn't mean anything then."_

"_Oh, no. I loved your poem!"_

"_You did?"_

_"Of course I did!"_

"_Which part did you like?"_

"_All of it."_

_"Even the finger snaps?" _

_"Especially the finger snaps." _

Tim once again opened his eyes as if a movie reel was playing behind his eyes. He used his sleeve to restore some of his vision before continuing to pace…unsure of where his feet would take him next. But before he could control his thoughts long enough to decide he was slapped in the face by how real it all suddenly was. She was gone. She was really gone.

"I loved you so much…" was all he could manage before crumbling to his knees in what seemed like endless tears.

* * *

"Thank you for coming Jethro."

"No choice," he countered quickly before mentally kicking himself. "I uh, I mean thank you for seeing me." He cleared his throat as if speaking that phrase was an ordeal in and of itself.

"Afraid your tongues gonna fall out?" She jested. "Don't worry I'm not going to pass you solely on your manners…I know better."

"I'm sure that's not all you know…" He nodded towards the file in her hands.

"I'm familiar with what you've been through here at NCIS…I don't need a file to tell me that. What I'd like is for you tell me why I should let you back on active duty."

"I cant."

"Why's that?"

"Your decision to make. Not mine."

She almost laughed outright. "This is new."

"I cant tell you. Because I don't know."

She examined for a moment. "Let's talk about that…why wouldn't you be ready?"

"I'm angry."

"Understandable, given the circumstance. You obviously loved her very much…this whole building knew not to cut her off in the parking lot or they'd answer to you…"

He didn't smile.

"You've been through tragedies before Jethro…back then you couldn't wait to get back in the field. What's changed?"

"I have."

"I will admit, that you've spoken more words in this session than all of our previous sessions combined…"

Gibbs swallowed. "Listen, I know I'm no angel…and I don't expect to turn into one over night."

"Why the need now?"

"My people," he stated simply. "I have to know I can protect 'em."

"Is that why you're here?"

"I'm here because I have to be sure. I'm not leading them with half a brain."

She leaned forward. "Is that how you feel? Like you cant think straight?"

"Sometimes." He stated simply. "My mind is usually pretty clear…now its running a hundred miles an hour…"

"With what?"

"Her." He spoke before he realized it; letting himself be a bit more vulnerable than he'd wanted. "I uh…I cant stop thinking of her."

"Have you ever experienced this before?"

"Once."

It went silent for a few moments as she reveled in what he was referring to. "You loved Abby…she was…family?"

Gibbs only nodded.

"She was one of the few people you let in after…Shannon and Kelly….wasn't she?" She hesitated for a moment, but realized that saying their names out loud may arouse even more vulnerability from him.

"I cant do now, what I did then."

Her eyes told him to continue, only he didn't.

"You have people depending on you now?" She questioned and watched him simply nod. "Your team?"

"I have a responsibility to them…"

"As their team leader?"

"More than that." Gibbs let his eyes express what words couldn't say and waited patiently for her response.

"Jethro…I knew from the first moment you walked through my doors…that you had a heart in need of mending. Over the years I watched the pain behind your eyes fade and return, and fade and return. I have hope that this pain will also fade…"

"Tell me how to make sure it doesn't return…"

"I cant tell you you'll never lose an Agent…or a friend…but I can tell you that you were made to do this job. You have a gift few people have Jethro. I would never stand in the way of you using it, unless I truly felt you were unfit."

"Am I?"

She examined him. "Are you?"

Gibbs swallowed. "I come back…when they come back."

"That could take time."

He gave a small shrug. "I don't care how long it takes…when we come back. We come back together."

"Under one condition." She watched him nod. "You continue to see me once a week until that day comes…"

Gibbs didn't hesitate. "You're gonna be begging me to leave by then."

"Somehow I doubt that." She watched him stand up. "Not many men have been through what you have and lived to tell about it. You should be proud of that…"

He moved towards the door. "I'm no better than those other men. We just made different choices…"

"What choice will you make now?"

He set his jaw firm. "Life."

* * *

"Have you heard from McGee?" Ziva questioned Tony over the phone as she exited the elevator into the parking garage.

"Not today. How many times did you call him?"

"Five." She responded quickly. "Perhaps we should check in on him yes? He was at NCIS when I went in for my appointment but he probably went home…too much time here may have been hard for him…"

Tony agreed. "I'm on my way in…I can stop by his apartment."

"Wait," she stopped him. "His car is still here…"

The tone in her voice was enough for him. "I'll be there in five minutes."

* * *

Gibbs gut wouldn't stop churning as he made his way towards the elevator. Something kept telling him to call McGee. But after three attempts and no answer he tried another number.

"David…"

"Gibbs…have you seen McGee recently?"

"No…I take it you haven't either?"

"His car is still here in the parking garage, I am on my way up to the bull pen now."

Gibbs met her there in a matter of minutes. They chose to wait for Tony before going on their search. All three of them instinctively knowing where their search would begin and end…

Gibbs had crossed the barrier into her lab the very first night they'd brought her body back to NCIS. Tony and Ziva had been there for moral support but didn't cross it themselves until days later. They knew McGee would take the step when he was ready…they just weren't sure he ever would be…they were wrong. Gibbs entered first, with the remnants of his team following close behind; trusting him to face what neither of them wanted to. A broken Timothy McGee. He moved into her back office to find Tim curled up in a ball in the corner…his eyes were barely open and his breathing labored…Gibbs was quick to place a soft hand on his knee.

"We're here McGee…"

"He's right Probie…we're not going anywhere."

Ziva slipped a cautious hand over his. His palms were clammy and his shirt covered in sweat. "It's alright now."

"No…" he managed; his throat hoarse. "Not alright." He tried to sob but couldn't find the energy.

Gibbs tried to look into his eyes but couldn't. "You're right Tim…it's not alright. Hell, maybe it never will be…but you won't forget her. You won't..."

It was then he leaned himself forward and fell lifeless into Gibbs arms. "I loved you Abby…" He cried out to no one; causing his teammates to do nothing else but join him in his tears.

"She loved_ you_ Tim." Gibbs reassured him gently.

He leaned back slowly from his arms and pleaded with his eyes. "Please tell me we're gonna be okay boss…"

Gibbs swallowed hard, a tear resting at the brim of his eyes. "We're gonna be okay Tim…" He took in the rest of his team as his Agent drifted back onto his shoulder. "We're gonna be okay…"


	30. Chapter 30

AN: First Chapter where I've literally shed a tear....Epilogue to follow soon.

--------

Ziva was hesitant to see her friends off but knew it was something the three of them needed to do alone. She had spent the previous evening on McGee's floor in her very own sleeping bag; which she'd become pretty accustom to doing over the last month or so. She knew things were just starting to move forward for all of them and only hoped their visit to see Abby would not set them back.

* * *

The flight didn't consist of small talk. It didn't consist of shared memories or what they were going to do when they got there. It consisted of an almost reverent silence.

A Gibbs silence.

Timothy McGee had one thought on his mind and one thought only. The last time he saw her…

"_Come on, we haven't had coffee together in like forever."_

_Tim smiled at her. "We had coffee together last week Abs." _

"_Which is forever to me…come on, I'll buy." _

"_You always say that," he continued to smile. "But I am beyond beat, this last case drained every ounce of energy I had…I need a good nights sleep." _

"_Sleep sheep…" she pleaded with him. "Okay, okay, but you can't renig on me next time…" _

_He moved towards the door of her lab and sent her a wink. "Wouldn't dream of it." _

As he continued to gaze out at the clouds, he felt a familiar wet substance trace down his cheek. If he'd been focused enough to care, he may have wiped it away…He wasn't.

Anthony DiNozzo sat between his two friends and could only imagine what was going through their minds. He could only deduce that they were thinking of Abby…after all, what else was there to think about? She had occupied every free moment of his own thoughts for a full two months now…and when he was honest with himself; he feared the day when she wouldn't anymore.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sent concerned glances at his Agents periodically; but all it did was leave him feeling helpless. There was so little he could do to nurture them back to health…but little was a relative term. He knew that being there was important; he knew that listening would ease the pain…but he also knew better than either of them that time was the only healer…

* * *

Gibbs led them through the cemetery as if leading soldiers into battle. He stood at the forefront of his Agents and acted as a visible shield. It was only when he they reached their destination that he stepped aside, even if only for a moment…

Each of them were careful not to step on the newly born grass springing up from the dirt as if it were somehow sacred ground. After a few quiet moments, Tony was the first to speak.

"Better late than never right?" He was surprised at how soon the lump formed in his throat and swallowed it back instantly. "Sorry we weren't here before…but I know you were watching over me…helping me get through the pain so I could still be here….but sometimes I wish you hadn't. That way I could see you…you know? We could be up there hanging out with Fred Estarre and the real Marilyn Monroe…but don't worry her beauty was nothing compared to you…" He took in a long breath. "God Abs…I miss you so much. Not a day that goes by that I don't think of you…or an hour for that matter…just the other day I was trying to sleep and put on The Count of Monte Cristo cuz I knew it was your favorite…I'd seen it a total of seven times before then…and each of them was with you remember? You never let me watch it unless you were there…and just in case you're wondering that was first full nights sleep I'd had in a while…thank you for that." The tears were coming down freely now. "Don't worry about things down here…I'll watch out for us. I promise." He knelt down slowly and placed a kiss on her headstone; letting his hand rest in silence for a full minute before whispering only to her. "No goodbyes…"

He stood up and paced slowly towards Gibbs left; watching in reverence as Timothy McGee took that faithful step.

Tim looked up at the sky and back at her grave a number of times before finally fixating on the dirt below him. It was a total of three seconds before he fell onto his knees in grief…a part of him still wishing it wasn't real. He cried silently for a few moments before sobbing outwardly…

Tony took a step towards him when Gibbs placed a hand on his to stop him.

McGee continued to weep until he remembered why he was there. "I don't want to say goodbye…I don't want to never see you again…I don't want to never hear your voice, or feel your touch or see you smile…I don't want that…but you're gone. And I'd give anything to see you again…anything…" He swallowed hard. "I wish I could've been there so you wouldn't have been scared…I wanted to hold you and tell you it would all be okay…but instead my last memory of you is what I'll always remember. I wont remember you lying on that floor…I cant. I wont make it if I do…so I try to remember our little fights and all the time we were able to share together…I was fortunate to fall in love with you once…and I'm here to say that I never fell out of love with you Abs…and I never will." He let out an uncontrollable sob and once again fell into a bit of tears. Then composed himself long enough to pull a sheet of paper out his pocket and open it… "I saved the poem I wrote for you that night…and I want you to know that I meant every word then; just as much as I do now…"

_"I thought I'd never find, what now is mine to take….And yet I grab hold so gently afraid of loves harsh wake…Precious, warm and kind….A woman I was certain I'd search and not find…I know not what the future holds…But I do know this amidst the folds…That the loves she gives has healed my soul."_ He folded the paper gently and slipped it between the arrays of flowers resting near her headstone. "I don't know how I'll ever heal without you now…but I promise I will find a way to make you proud of me…" He likewise placed a kiss beside her name; his tears mincing with the stone. "I wont ever forget…I promise."

Tim lifted his head and met the eyes of his friends as if giving him the strength to stand. He made his way beside Tony and the two watched a goodbye unfold that neither of them ever wanted to witness….

Gibbs hadn't shed a tear; even as he watched his Agents pay their last respects. He began to force every memory of Shannon and Kelly from his mind and gave true and ultimate focus to her…his girl. He knelt down slowly and removed a rose petal from the bouquet beside him. "I never understood your fascination with these roses until right now…it's not just that they're special like you were…but it's that you had the ability to love something so…imperfect." He fought back the urge to cry, wanting to say what he always should have. "You were my second chance…I was determined to protect you from anything and everything I could…I knew that if I lost you that would be it. I'd be done…and now that I have I realized just how selfish I'd become…" He took in a breath.

"I loved you, you know that…and how you could love someone like me…I don't think I'll ever understand…but you…you saved me Abs…you_ were_ the best thing in my life." He smiled slowly. "I know you're probably making fun of how many words I'm using or how sappy I'm being but…I mean every word. More than most any words I've ever spoken…" It was then he let a few loaded tears fall. "Thank you for saving me…thank you for loving me and thank you for never leaving me…even now."

The third and final kiss was placed beside her name as Gibbs whispered softly. "Bye baby girl…"

He then joined his Agents, and placed a nonchalant arm across both their backs. "Time to go."

"Think she heard us boss?" Tim asked innocently as he was regrettably led away.

Gibbs looked upward and smiled. "Yeah Tim…I_ know_ she did."


	31. Final

AN: As I post this final chapter I am struck with how many hearts and minds this story has touched. I cannot thank you enough for alllowing me the privelege of writing for you. So thank you to everyone who has reviewed and everyone who is reading in the back ground. You are an encouragement and I am very grateful for your time! This final epilogue is short, but I hope it still captures the essence of love, loss and family. Enjoy and Thank you!

-----

It's been said that when your heart breaks you begin to see cracks in everything…and with the loss of Abby Scuito it couldn't have been more true. The next few months went miserably by…with glimmers of hope passing swiftly. But with their individual strengths joined together, they were somehow able to make it to this day….

The four of them stepped off the elevator slowly with Gibbs at the helm. They stood at the entrance of the bull pen in an odd sort of reverence, as if they were about to step on holy ground. Each of them knew that life as they knew it would never be the same and if they were completely honest, they weren't entirely sure they ever would be either.

It took a full minute before Gibbs took the first step and peered behind him to see Tony doing the same…It was only when Ziva placed her hand in Tims that the two others followed suit. They were silent behind their desks for a total of ten minutes before Gibbs desk phone rang…

Tony didn't cringe.

"Dead marine in Quanitco…let's roll." He noticed a slight hesitation but continued towards the elevator in stride. The remainder of the day he kept close watch on his team and knew better than most that every day it would get easier.

Tim was the last to leave that particular night as he waited patiently for Gibbs to return from Vance's office.

"You alright Tim?"

He shook his head slightly. "I'm okay…I just uh, I wanted to ask you something. If thats alright?" Tim watched him nod.

"How did you do it?"

Gibbs looked momentarily confused but soon realized what he was asking. "I convinced myself that I would never forget them."

"Did it work?"

Gibbs stood up. "Yeah, it did."

"Funny…I've been spending the entire day…trying to forget."

Gibbs took in a breath. "It's in remembering her that you'll begin to move on McGee…and you won't have to do it alone."

Tim nodded slowly as the two moved towards the elevator to go home. "None of us will boss…"

* * *

The next morning was a brand new day, as was the one after that. And while life would never be what it was…Abby had taught them to cherish each other more than anything. And that's exactly what they did…day by day…week by week…month by month and year by year.

Nothing mattered more…than family.


End file.
